


Gravity

by watermelon27040



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, Fluff and Angst, I don't even ship kagehina that much, I kinda focus on the angst more than the romance, I promise, I'm more of a tsukkiyama enby myself, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Some ableist language, Trauma, and this what we got, basically I mathematically calculated how to include the most angst in a single fic, but this is where we be in 2020, trust me though there is fluff sometimes, yamaguchi is a sweetheart and I would die for him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:33:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 45,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23281795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watermelon27040/pseuds/watermelon27040
Summary: I traumatize Hinata as much as possible and let his teammates deal with the aftermath.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Tsukishima Kei/Hinata Shouyou if you squint at some parts but not really this a kagehina fic ngl, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi in the background kinda
Comments: 63
Kudos: 102





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some of these chapters are gonna be kinda short but don't worry fellas I promise there'll be a new chapter every other day at 12:00 midnight ON THE DOT  
> I swear on Yamaguchi's life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in advance I just want y'all to know I know Natsu doesn't call Hinata 'Shoyo' but my religion forbids me from writing out the word nii-chan

“Chance ball!”  
Hinata glanced up at the volleyball Daichi had just received as it arced lazily across the court, seeming to float for a moment as it reached the parabola’s height. Beyond that, he had no idea what the volleyball did; he was already sprinting up to the net, planting both of his feet firmly on the ground before springing upwards to the harmony of the linoleum thud and the squeak of his sneakers. He drew his hand back and watched in slow motion as Tsukishima rose to block him.  
 _I’ll slam it down right… there!_  
He pinpointed a spot on the edge of the court, just to Tsukishima’s right. Grinning, he swung his arm downwards and was met with the dissatisfying sensation of empty air whizzing past his palm. He frowned a bit in disappointment as he landed, though the frustrated click of Tsukishima's tongue convinced him it was worth it. A split second later, the sound of the ball slamming down on the opposite side of the net signified the end of the rally.  
Ukai’s whistle sounded across the gym, and Hinata turned to see Tanaka fist pumping with a characteristic shout of victory, before turning with both hands raised to Kageyama, who was, also characteristically, silent. They shared a high-five that was slightly less awkward than it had typically been a few months ago, Kageyama attempting to match Tanaka’s enthusiastic cheers with an uncertain yell of his own. Hinata bounded over to them and whooped, jumping into the air to take his turn at high-fiving his bald upperclassman with both hands.  
“Alright, alright,” Daichi said calmly, though his expression was equally triumphant, as he walked up behind them. “Don’t overdo it.” The three of them nodded, buzzing with energy, and turned to face Ukai as he descended the ladder to address them.  
“Good match, everyone,” he called out. “Hinata, you’re getting even better at playing decoy, and way better at receiving. Good work.”  
“Thank you, coach!” he shouted. _Being a ball boy really helped! And Takeda-sensei didn’t kill me, either! _  
__“And Yamaguchi,” Ukai continued, “your serves were really consistent today. But I’d like to see you try aiming towards the front sometimes, so the receivers don’t get used to them. As for Tsukishima…”  
Hinata bounced on the balls of his feet for the rest of Ukai’s talk; if they hadn’t already pleaded with him for the set they’d just played, he’d ask for another. The prospect of nationals was always hovering in the back of his mind, with the faces of the players he’d met at the Tokyo training camp floating constantly through his thoughts. He could tell as he glanced sideways at Kageyama that they were both filled with the same restless energy. The moment Ukai dismissed them and their teammates went about cleaning up, they turned to each other in unspoken agreement.  
“Spiking practice?” Hinata asked unnecessarily. Kageyama nodded, and the two instinctively turned to Daichi, who was watching them with an exasperated expression.  
“If I find out either of you stayed longer than thirty minutes, we’re going to have a talk tomorrow,” the captain threatened. They nodded earnestly, before taking off towards the blue volleyball cart sitting next to the net. Kageyama bent over to pick one up, and turned towards Hinata with solemnity glittering in the navy of his eyes.  
“Imagine you’re spiking against Kuroo-san,” he instructed, before throwing the ball upwards.  
 _That evil rooster-haired blocker?_ Hinata shuddered at the thought, but nonetheless ran towards the net and threw his arms back, feeling the strain in his calves as he leapt and spiked the ball with a satisfying smack.  
“Put your weight on the balls of your feet before you jump!” Kageyama snapped, glaring. Hinata glared back.  
“I know that,” he grumbled.  
“Don’t stay too late, you two!” Sugawara shouted from across the gym as he left, closing the door behind him.  
An hour later, Hinata hit a final spike and landed back on the linoleum, promptly falling backwards as his legs gave out from under him. _Ouch._ He stood, rubbing his tailbone, as Kageyama regarded him with an infuriatingly unfatigued expression.  
“Are you done?” he asked. Hinata narrowed his eyes. _That sounded kinda like a challenge._  
“...No,” he managed after a few seconds of exhausted panting. Kageyama hummed disapprovingly.  
“You’ll be too sore to jump tomorrow.”  
“No… way!” Ignoring him, Kageyama walked forwards and began picking up the volleyballs that were now scattered across the court. Hinata made an effort not to show his relief and joined him, his legs burning every time he bent down.  
By the time they left the gym, the sun had long since set, and Hinata winced a bit at the cold bite in the outside air. He heard Kageyama shutting the door behind them and the jingling of keys as he locked it, before his teammate appeared beside him on the steps.  
“Be here early tomorrow,” the setter commanded. “5:00.” The brief rush of irritation Hinata felt at his tone was overtaken by excitement.  
“Of course I’ll be there,” he promised.

Hinata’s legs were ready to disintegrate into dust by the time he walked through his living room door, feeling a twinge of relief as he untied his sneakers and laid them down at the entrance. _I hope Daichi-san doesn’t find out how long we practiced. That’d be worse than losing my legs. In fact, I might lose ‘em either way._  
Suddenly, he heard the squeak of a door opening and the thump of footsteps on hardwood. Looking down the hall, he watched in surprise as Natsu bounded up to him, coming to a sliding halt in her baby blue socks and just barely managing to not crash into his dying legs. She sprung up straight, orange eyes glittering, her hands clenched into little fists just below her chin.  
“Shoyo!” she chirped. “Teach me to ride a bike!”  
“Huh?” He blinked. He realized that she was fully dressed in a thick sweater and sweatpants, her hair done up in tiny pigtails behind her head. _Right now? I’ll die!_ “No way! It’s way too dark out, and it’s cold! And shouldn’t you know how to ride a bike anyway?” She pouted.  
“Yeah, I did, but I haven’t gotten to in a while so I forgot. Plus, the street isn’t icy, and I’m wearing a sweater! And there’s streetlights!” She pointed helpfully at her clothes as she spoke, gazing up at him with round, hopeful eyes. He looked away, gritting his teeth. _Can’t give in to her cuteness attack…_  
“Nuh-uh. We can do it another time.”  
“But you’re always at practice!” she protested, her hands dropping to fidget agitatedly at the seams of her top. “And you’re always doing homework on Sunday ‘cause mom says you pro-crast-in-ate too much!” She stumbled a bit at the word _procrastinate_ , but Hinata had to admit that she got through it better than he would have. He sighed and looked back at her, ignoring his legs as they screamed at him for even considering the idea. _I guess I don’t get to see her much… and she doesn’t ask me stuff like this a lot._  
“...Fine,” he sighed, and she straightened with an excited jump. “But it’s only gonna be for a bit. And you have to be quiet so Mom doesn’t come and pull us back in by our ears.” With that, he leaned over and tugged gently at her ear, and she giggled.  
“She’s asleep!” Natsu declared. “I told her she should go ahead and go to bed ‘cause she deserves some rest.”  
“Evil,” Hinata remarked solemnly. She giggled again.  
The two of them stealthily put on their shoes and headed out the door, stifling snickers as they tip-toed with unnecessary caution to where Hinata’s bike stood leaned against the outside wall. He walked it out to the sideroad leading from their house, Natsu bouncing along behind him, and stopped at the start of the larger, silent street. It was a mostly clear night, with only a few dark gray clouds scattered across the winter sky, and the snow-muffled trees on either side of the street loomed high, jagged and silhouetted. He could make out his breath only faintly if he looked towards the silvery glow of the nearby streetlights, which seemed to be competing with the trees as they stretched upwards before giving up and bending sideways at the top. Hinata had never known a quieter time than these winter nights.  
“ _Shoyo,_ ” Natsu whined, “when can I get on the bike? You can’t drag it the whole way.”  
“Nah, maybe I’ll just ride off without you.” He stroked his chin and moved closer to the bike, adopting a pensive expression. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Natsu hopping restlessly in place, aghast.  
“You can’t do that! Besides, I know you’re not gonna.” He took one look at her puffed cheeks and pursed lips and laughed.  
“Fine, fine. You remember how to get on it?”  
“Yeah!” She skipped over to the other side of the bike and grabbed the handlebars, struggling a bit to swing her leg over the seat. She wobbled a little and put her right foot out to steady herself as the bike began falling to the side.  
“You gotta have good balance,” Hinata instructed. _I feel just like Coach Ukai._ He pointed down at the ground, and Natsu looked over her shoulder to follow his gaze. “Once I put up the kickstand, that little metaly bit, you’ll fall over if you don’t catch yourself.” His sister frowned and nodded, suddenly looking apprehensive.  
“Will you hold the bike ‘til I get used to it?”  
“Yeah, since you suck at it so much,” he responded with a grin. She stuck her tongue out at him. He took hold of one of the handlebars and hooked a foot around the kickstand, pushing it upwards and steadying the bike as Natsu inevitably began to lean dangerously to the side. “You can’t keep it upright while it’s just sitting there, but once you get going, you gotta balance, like I said. You know what pedaling is, right?”  
“Yeah. I’m not stupid,” she replied petulantly.  
“Are you sure?”  
“ _Shoyo!_ ”  
He laughed.  
“Okay, so start pedaling. I’m gonna hold onto it and run beside you so you don’t fall over ‘cause you’re stu-,”  
“I’m gonna tell mom you broke her flowerpot with a volleyball,” Natsu threatened with a glare too sharp for such a round babyface. Hinata felt a shiver go down his spine.  
“No way,” he deadpanned, by way of admitting defeat. “It was the wind, remember?”  
Natsu began pedaling, and Hinata forced his leaden legs to follow along beside her, occasionally pulling at the handlebars to prevent her from careening sideways onto the asphalt. She wobbled constantly, her eyes shining with nervousness and concentration, as their house disappeared after a curve in the road behind them.  
“I don’t get it!” she piped up finally, putting out a leg and skidding to a halt. “How are you supposed to balance on this stupid thing?” Hinata scrunched up his face as he tried to recall the muscle movements that went into his bike ride to school every morning. _Let’s see. I turn the pedals with my feet… and keep it from falling over with my whole body?_  
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “Just kinda squeeze all your muscles up and don’t lean to the side or anything.” Natsu grumbled in frustration, tensing her arms and legs and bending down closer to the handlebars before starting to pedal again. As they rounded the next curve and made their way through the alleyway of trees, towards a hill in the distance, she began to pick up a bit of speed. Hinata’s calves burned as he quickened his jog, but thanks, he was sure, to his sparkling explanation, his sister was no longer wobbling as much and was sitting more comfortably on the seat.  
“I’m getting it!” she shouted, straightening. “I think I remember!”  
“Maybe you’re not stupid after all!” Hinata added with a grin, and fortunately, she seemed too engrossed in her success to lash out at him for that one. After a few dozen more feet, he noticed that she had stopped wobbling entirely, and slowly took his hand off the handlebars, still keeping pace with her as she rode. Her eyes shone, an exhilarated smile stretching across her face, her little hands clutching tightly at the bike as the whirring of the chain and wheels grew louder. Finally, they reached the foot of the hill and slowed to a halt, Natsu putting out a leg to catch herself without him telling her to do so.  
“Your brother’s a great teacher, huh?” Hinata asked as they stopped. Natsu caught her breath and looked over at him, her expression lit with joy.  
“Yeah!” she agreed, to his surprise. He looked away and scratched the back of his head.  
“W-well, you know…. I’ve always been pretty good with words-,”  
“Can we go to the top?” she asked suddenly, pointing up at the hill. He looked up the slope in horror. _That’s impossible. I can’t survive that._  
“Come on. We still gotta go all the way back, and hills’re really hard, you know?” he practically pleaded. As he made eye contact, the enthusiasm in her stare nearly blinded him.  
“ _Please?_ ” she begged. “I wanna be good at it! And Mom says you’re a student ath-lete, so you can make it up, too. It’s not that steep!”  
“Fine.” Hinata’s legs couldn’t believe this. “But we’re walking the bike back downhill. There’s no way I’m chasing after you if you’re going that fast.”  
Natsu shouted in excitement and began pedaling again, lowering her torso and pumping her legs harder as she reached the incline. Hinata followed after her, prepared to spend the next two minutes in hell. And sure enough, though his sister began breathing heavily in exertion after about fifteen seconds, he was struggling to keep from wheezing right from the start, his orange locks sticking to his forehead as sweat dripped down his face despite the biting cold. By the time they reached the top of the hill, he was about ready to lie down and die. He heard Natsu give a cheer of victory as she stopped the bike and began walking it forwards to turn around. Panting, he crouched over with his hands on his knees and struggled to push air into his lungs.  
And then he heard Natsu scream.  
His head shot back up in alarm. His sister was beginning to speed down the hill, accelerating as she continued losing control of the bike. Her feet were being pushed in rapid circles by the pedals rather than the reverse, and Hinata straightened and leapt forward, the pain in his legs forgotten, sprinting downhill after her.  
“ _Natsu!_ ”  
There was an intersection at the bottom of the hill. There was an intersection, and she was speeding helplessly towards it with no way of safely stopping. He managed to close a few feet of distance between them, watching the rushing wind snap at her pigtails and the back of her sweater. He knew that in a few seconds, she’d speed up too much for him to catch her. Planting both feet on the ground, he dove forward, reaching out with an open hand for the back wheel of the bike.  
His fingers closed on nothing. Pain lanced through his forearm and chin as he skidded against the asphalt, his hand splayed out uselessly in front of him. Blinking the dirt from his eyes, a scream stuck in his throat, he watched his little sister roll down the hill, still crying for help, his help, and into the intersection.  
He heard the distant crunch when the car hit her.


	2. Chapter 2

“ _Natsu!_ ”  
_No, no, no, no, no, no, no-_  
He was running down the hill. His legs hurt. It was cold. The car in the intersection stopped and he could see his sister laid out beside his bike in the middle of the road.  
_No, no, no, no, no, no, no-_  
It was a white car. A little car. His little sister’s hair was orange and blood was pooling red around her. He could see that now. He was nearly at the bottom of the hill.  
_No. No. No._  
He could feel his throat screaming. He could feel the tears on his face. They were cold. The man who stepped out of the car was old, his face shocked and horrified as he stood stock-still by the driver’s side. Hinata was in the intersection, kneeling on the asphalt.  
_No._  
Natsu’s eyes were closed. Her body was limp in his arms. One side was coated in blood, still being coated in blood; her little sweater was being coated in blood. His view of her was blurry and he was still screaming. Was it her name?  
“I’m so sorry- I’m so, so sorry- I didn’t see her. She came from out of nowhere.”  
Hinata’s voice didn’t sound like that. It was the old man. He was speaking behind him. His voice was choked and fearful.  
“I’m so sorry. I-I’ll drive you to the hospital. I’ll help you.”  
There were liver-spotted hands beneath his sister’s head, lifting her up. Hinata stood up. He put a hand under her bleeding head and an arm under her bleeding legs and the old man ran over to his white car and opened the backseat door. He stepped in and sat down and held his sister in his arms. The seats were beige. The old man shut the door and then shut the driver’s side door and then they were driving. They swerved to avoid something in the road in front of them. Hinata forgot what it was.  
His chin hurt. His arm hurt. His legs hurt.  
“It’s gonna be okay, kid. It’s not far.”  
The seats were red.  
“We’re almost there. Just a few more blocks.”  
Natsu felt heavy in his arms. He was too warm. Was he still screaming? His throat didn’t feel like it was screaming.  
“Okay, kid.”  
The driver’s side door opened and then the door next to Hinata opened and it was cold again. He stepped out and there was a white building in front of him. It was a hospital. His little sister had been hit by a car and he was carrying her into the hospital. The old man was running beside him and opened a glass door with the letters EMERGENCY CARE above it and he walked through.  
Everything was suddenly too loud. Inside the room, people were talking and clacking keyboards and rolling things down the halls and the walls were blindingly white and so were the lights. The old man ran ahead of him towards a desk with a young man behind it who sounded like he was slamming on the keyboard in front of him with all of his strength. Hinata stopped beside the old man and the young man looked once at him and then shouted something at someone else.  
Hinata turned as he heard rolling wheels approaching. This time it was a middle-aged woman who walked up to him.  
“We’re going to do the best we can,” she said. Hinata stared at her. “We’ll take good care of her.”  
And then the woman reached out and gently lifted Natsu from his arms. He took a deep breath and understood. This was a doctor, and she was going to help her. Save her. He let her take his little sister and lay her down on the gurney and roll her down the hallway.  
“Excuse me, kid?”  
He turned and saw the young man behind the desk looking at him. The old man was gone.  
“What’s your name?”  
“...Hinata Shoyo.” The noises were dying down, and now everything was real. There was a knot in his stomach. He felt sick.  
“What’s your sister’s name?”  
“Natsu.” He took in a hot breath, feeling tears form in his eyes again. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, but he felt like he was choking.  
“Why don’t you go into the bathroom and get cleaned up a bit?” the receptionist suggested, pointing at a blue placard hanging from the ceiling on the right side of the room. It read RESTROOMS. He nodded, and just that motion sent another wave of nausea through his body. He crossed the room, numbly aware that the receptionist was following him and holding the door to one of the single-occupant rooms open. He stepped in, and the man let the door close behind him.  
Hinata stood in the middle of the room for a moment, tears trickling down his cheeks, and then slowly raised his hands to his face. They were trembling violently, and they were covered in blood. Natsu’s blood. Vomit rose in his throat, and he managed two steps to his right before collapsing in front of the toilet just as he could no longer contain his nausea. He retched, clutching his stomach, until everything he’d eaten in the past twenty-four hours was in the bowl. After that, he dry heaved, the room spinning around him as he squeezed his eyes shut.  
And then there was nothing left. And his hands were still covered in his little sister’s blood. He held his breath to trap a scream and slowly opened his eyes, standing weakly and stumbling over to the sink. Looking into the mirror rather than down, he held his hands under the automatic faucet and felt a stream of cold water pour over them. His reflection was unrecognizable in the harsh white light: his hair was tangled, his eyes red and watery and scored under by deep, dark lines, and his chin was still bleeding from his fall on the road. If only he’d jumped farther, or his legs were longer, or he’d run a little faster.  
He drew in a shaky breath and looked back down at his hands, grateful to see that they were clean. He could convince himself that the blood on his right forearm was his own, spilled from the deep stinging scrapes he’d received on the asphalt. He kept his left wrist downturned, and rubbed it vigorously with a handful of soap before daring to look at it again. The room smelled like iron. Finally, he splashed his face with water, turned off the tap, flushed the toilet, and walked back out into the waiting room. The young man at the desk looked up as he unsteadily approached.  
“Where are your parents, Hinata?” The receptionist spoke gently, and then gestured at a phone sitting next to him on the desk. “Can you call them for me?” Hinata nodded. His mother. He needed to tell his mother what had happened. The young man picked up the phone and placed it on the raised counter in front of him. Hinata dialed his mother’s number and held the receiver up to his ear. As the phone rang once, then twice, then three times, he felt his empty stomach writhe. Suddenly, the ringing was cut off.  
“Hello?” His mother’s voice was thick with sleep. Hinata clutched the phone so tight he thought it might break. She deserved some rest.  
“Mom?” He could hear his own voice now. It was strangled, and quiet, and watery.  
“Shoyo?” And now hers was awake, and alarmed.  
“Yeah, Mom. I….” He didn’t know what to say. _Natsu was hit by a car and I was there and I didn’t save her. Natsu’s in the hospital and it’s all my fault._  
“Shoyo, what on earth’s going on? Where are you? Are you okay?” He leaned over the desk and put his other hand to his forehead, pushing his hair back. Tears dropped down onto the counter and ran down the front of his neck.  
“I’m sorry,” he choked out, and then his voice was gone. The receptionist stood up and gently took the phone from him, and he dropped his head down into his arms. He heard the receptionist speaking.  
“Hello, is this Hinata-san? ...I work at Karasuno Public Hospital. There’s been an accident-,” Hinata heard his mother’s voice, though he couldn’t understand the words, erupt from the receiver. “...I’m afraid I don’t know many details yet, ma’am. Can-can I confirm that you are Natsu Hinata’s mother? ...Alright, ma’am. Your daughter was hit by a car while she was biking tonight. She has been committed to our emergency care ward. Your son is here with us in the waiting room. ...No, I’m afraid I don’t know much about her condition right now. Do you have the means to get here? ...Alright, ma’am.”  
Hinata lifted his head slightly and looked up at the receptionist. The young man placed the phone back on the desk and then turned to address him.  
“Your mother’s on her way,” he said. “Until then, you should sit and try to calm down a bit. Will you follow me, please?”  
“Is Natsu… gonna be okay?” A sob caught in his throat. The receptionist continued walking out from behind the desk, nodding at a woman behind him who walked up and took his place.  
“I’m afraid it’s too early to say.” His voice was sympathetic, and devastatingly professional. “If you come with me, I’ll show you where you can wait to hear from the doctors.” Hinata slid his arms from the counter and followed the man down the same hallway the middle-aged woman had taken his sister ten minutes ago. The walls were wide and sterile, the ceilings interspersed regularly with thin red placards reading EMERGENCY and rectangular fluorescent lights. The air smelled like disinfectant. He gagged once again.  
The receptionist stopped outside a room marked 084 by a small blue sign that jutted out into the hallway. The man gestured at a row of cushioned chairs next to the door.  
“You can sit here until your mother arrives,” he instructed. “Once she does, you can wait for word from the doctors or go home until we call you.” Hinata turned his head, staring intensely into the young man’s eyes.  
“I’m not leaving.” The receptionist blinked a bit, his brow furrowing.  
“...How old are you, Hinata?”  
“Sixteen.” Hinata was used to the surprise that flashed in the man’s eyes. It felt strange to have such a familiar conversation in a hospital. While his little sister was in the hospital. The knot in his stomach twisted tighter.  
“Alright. It’ll be some time before the doctors can tell you anything definitive. You should sit for now.” With that, the receptionist turned and walked back down the hallway. At the same time, a nurse bustled past in the other direction, pulling an empty gurney.  
Hinata felt the last of his adrenaline drain from his body, and he was suddenly aware of how badly his legs were shaking. He stumbled over to one of the chairs and collapsed into it, folding over with his face in his hands. The accident played over and over again in his head, his thoughts scrutinizing most carefully the moment he’d failed to save his little sister from speeding down the hill. If she didn’t recover, he didn’t know what he’d do. He whimpered into his hands, staining the freshly washed skin with equally fresh tears. He didn’t know how long he spent in that state, eyes closed, watching Natsu bleed onto the road over and over again.  
“Shoyo!”  
He raised his head as he heard his mother’s shout. His vision was covered in floaters and blurred by half-dried tears, but he made out the sight of her walking rapidly towards him from the waiting room. She broke into a run as she neared him, kneeling in front of his chair until their eyes were level and clutching his upper arms with both hands. Her eyes were red, her hair messy, her face free of makeup. She was still wearing her pajamas.  
“I’m sorry, Mom,” Hinata choked, clutching at his own sweatpants and biting his lip. His mother suddenly leaned forwards and hugged him to her, holding him more tightly than she’d ever held him before.  
“This is not your fault, Shoyo,” she told him. Her voice was broken and whispered, but somehow strong. “No matter what happens, this is not your fault.” She pulled back and cupped his face in her hands, stroking his hair away from his forehead with two trembling fingers. “Understand?” A thousand protests stormed through his mind, but his mother’s gaze of drowning steel kept them from his lips.  
“...Okay,” he agreed. He leaned into her shoulder and began sobbing again, and she wrapped her arms back around him. He felt her torso shudder with sobs of her own. By the time they separated, the rolling of a dozen passing gurneys had sounded from the hallway.  
“Honey, you’re bleeding,” his mother said finally, lightly touching his chin. He looked away. She drew in a shuddering breath and stood, wiping at her eyes with the heels of her hands. “I’m going to go ask for some alcohol swabs. ...I’ll only be a minute.” He nodded at her, and she hesitated for a moment, looking down the hall, then back at him, and back down the hall again. Finally, she left at a speedwalk towards the waiting room.  
When she returned, he hadn’t moved. His mind was blank now, settling at a constant state of devastation and anxiety churning in the pit of his abdomen. He barely felt anything as his mother crouched in front of him and gently wiped his chin and forearm with several alcohol swabs, and then placed bandages on each scrape. Once she was finished, she silently held his face in one hand, running her thumb across his cheek, and then took the chair next to him.  
And then they waited. Hinata was certain this time that hours passed as he sat motionless in that hospital chair, his mother occasionally reaching out and squeezing his hand. Every door that opened down the hall caused him to jump, and he stared at every doctor who passed with a mixture of fear that barely left room for hope. Sometimes, a person would be in one of the gurneys that passed by, tucked in among piles of white blankets that usually disguised whatever wound or illness brought them to the ward. Eventually, Hinata began closing his eyes when they passed.  
And then the door to 084 opened. Without even realizing it, Hinata was on his feet, staring up at a tall, aged man in a long doctor’s coat. His mother was beside him instantly. Neither of them could manage any words, and even if they could, they couldn’t possibly find a combination that wouldn’t cut through their hearts as it passed from their mouths.  
“Are you family members of Natsu Hinata?” the doctor asked steadily.  
“Yes,” Hinata’s mother responded breathlessly.  
“She’s stable.”  
Hinata collapsed back into his chair and placed his head in his hands again. He heard his mother gasp, and then exhale shakily.  
“She suffered from extensive bruising and lacerations on her left and right sides, and fractures along both arms, as well as her right femur and hipbone. It’s too early to tell how permanent this damage will be, but for now, she seems to be in a sustainable condition.”  
Hinata felt his mind collapse like a house of cards, and then he felt nothing. He barely registered that his mother was continuing to have a conversation with the doctor, and that gurneys were still passing through the halls. He simply breathed, deeply and smoothly, and let his thoughts go blank. Natsu was alive, and she was going to keep living. Eventually, he felt a hand shaking his shoulder, and he lowered his hands to see his mother’s face.  
“Did you hear him?” she asked. He shook his head slowly. “...We won’t be able to visit Natsu for a little while. We’re gonna head home and get changed, and get some sleep if we can, okay?” He nodded. The words barely meant anything to him, but he trusted that voice. She gently helped him up, and then they were walking down a strangely bright hallway that swam in front of him as they approached a wider room.  
There were people in the wider room, and a large door at the end. Above the large door was a clock. It took him a moment to recognize the time it read: 5:00. He felt a ripple of confusion in his mind. It was a time that was supposed to be important to him. It meant he was supposed to do something. As his mother led him through the door, that something broke the surface.  
“I’ve got practice,” he mumbled. His mother looked at him strangely, and he shrugged her arm from his shoulder. They were outside now, in a parking lot. The faces of his teammates flashed through his memory. “I’ve gotta explain it to them.” He peeled off his black jacket, so dark in color that he’d never noticed the blood staining its front until he felt it as he dropped it to the ground.  
“Shoyo, what are you-,”  
Barely registering her voice, Hinata took a few slow steps forwards and then broke into a run. He recognized this town. He knew how to get to Karasuno from here.  
“ _Shoyo!_ ”  
His mother’s voice was distant now, and his legs felt strange. He was sure they’d carry him the whole way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how hospitals work


	3. Chapter 3

Kageyama glared at the caged clock in the gym: 5:45. The room was empty save for him, strewn with volleyballs he’d been tossing for himself, with a particular redhead notably missing. He frowned stormily, jumping into the air and spiking a ball over the net so forcefully that it bounced across the entire court and rolled up against the opposite wall. Nationals were in only a little over a month, and Hinata was so careless as to miss practice now? He huffed. As soon as that idiot showed up, he was going to roll him into a ball and toss him for Asahi to spike.  
It took him around five minutes to pick up all the volleyballs strewn across the floor and place them back in the cart; he idly picked one up and threw it directly up into the air. He set it repeatedly, and with each toss, the face of another strong player he’d met at the youth training camp flashed through his mind. They needed to practice their quick. They needed to get stronger. He tossed the ball up again.  
Suddenly, he heard the gym door slam open. Watching as the volleyball descended, he cast a quick glance over at the person who’d just entered. Orange hair. He scowled and tossed the ball one more time, unwilling to hear whatever excuse the idiot fed him.  
“Dumbass!” he snarled. “Nationals are coming up, and you think it’s okay to oversleep?” He finally caught the ball and tucked it in the crook of his elbow, resting it just above his hip. “If you’re serious about winning-,”  
He turned around, and the words died on his tongue. Hinata was standing just inside the gym, swaying on shaking legs. He was panting and wheezing, even stumbling as Kageyama watched. His expression was utterly blank, but his eyes were wild, darting around the gym despite the odd glaze that covered them. They were red and puffy, and beneath them, dark circles seemed to bore holes into his face, as though he hadn’t slept in a year. His chin was adorned with a bandage, and his right forearm was completely covered in them. Kageyama’s breath caught in his throat as his gaze rested on the white T-shirt Hinata was wearing in spite of the cold: on the front, just above the bottom seam, was a large red stain. It wasn’t blood. It couldn’t be.  
“O-oi, Hinata…,” he managed, his voice shaking as he took a step forward. Hinata’s eyes rested on him, filled with all the intensity that they sometimes adopted. Suddenly, they rolled back in his head, exposing almost nothing but the whites. Several loud thuds reverberated through the gym as Hinata collapsed on the linoleum like a ragdoll.  
“ _Hinata!_ ”  
Kageyama ran forwards immediately. The volleyball bounced to the floor behind him. His mind was blank with panic and confusion, and he knelt at Hinata’s side, snaking one arm under his upper back and the other over his torso. He pulled him closer and lifted him up, staring at his face for some sort of answer. His eyes were mostly closed, revealing only a sliver of eerie white, and his head hung backwards limply. Kageyama shook him in desperation.  
“Hinata!” His teammate showed no signs of responding. He felt frightened tears form in his eyes, and he shook him again. “Hinata! Dumbass, get up! ...Please!” Gritting his teeth, he shifted his gaze to the horrible stain on Hinata’s shirt, and reached out with a shaking hand to grasp the bottom seam. He pulled up slowly, narrowing his eyes in fear of what he might see. The built-up tears flowed down his cheeks.  
There was nothing. Confused, he pulled up further, revealing Hinata’s entire stomach. Aside from a single tiny smudge of dried blood, his torso was entirely unmarked, free of the horrifying injury that would have produced that large of a stain. Instead of relief, Kageyama only felt his breath quicken, and he looked back up at Hinata’s unresponsive face.  
“What’s _wrong?_ ” he pleaded. Two more tears slipped down his cheeks. Hinata remained motionless. “... _Hinata!_ ”  
Finally, he pulled his teammate’s shirt down once again and lowered him slowly to the ground, before standing up quickly on trembling legs. Breathing heavily, he turned and ran in a blind panic out of the gym, stopping a dozen feet away from the entrance and looking around desperately.  
“ _Help!_ ” he called out, before turning and screaming again. “ _Help!_ Please!” He patted the pocket of his gym uniform. Where was his phone? He could call 119, he could call for help-  
“Kageyama! What’s going on?”  
Kageyama immediately turned to see Daichi sprinting up the hill towards him, followed shortly by Sugawara, and then Asahi. Their expressions were all alarmed, but Asahi looked downright terrified, Sugawara’s eyes were wild with concern, and Daichi’s eyebrows were set in a line of forced calm. He took a few steps towards them and felt his eyes tear up again as the team captain thumped to a halt in front of him.  
“I-I don’t know,” he managed shakily, and then pointed at the gym. “H-Hinata…!” Daichi took only a second to follow his gaze before he began to run. Kageyama followed shortly after him, and he heard the rapid footsteps of the other third-years behind him. He and Daichi leapt up the stairs, stopping side-by-side right inside the gym. Kageyama watched the team captain’s eyes shoot wide in horror as he spotted Hinata, immediately rushing to his side and kneeling on the linoleum.  
“Wh…. What happened?” Sugawara’s voice was faint and stunned, and Kageyama remained motionless, watching as Daichi checked under Hinata’s shirt and came to the same realization he had. He felt useless, standing in place helplessly with his eyes fixed on his teammate’s crumpled, blood-soaked body. His breaths were hot and acidic in his throat. He clenched his fists.  
Suddenly, he felt a firm hand on his shoulder. He was turned around, blinking in surprise as his eyes met Sugawara’s, which shone with deadly seriousness. The other setter held him by both shoulders. Behind him, Kageyama saw Asahi standing in the gym doorway; all the color had drained from his face, and his hand was clasped to his mouth, his expression contorted in terror as he stared past the two setters.  
“Kageyama. It’s okay. Take a deep breath, and tell me what happened.” Sugawara’s voice was much clearer this time, even reassuring. Kageyama inhaled and exhaled shakily, feeling the air catch in his throat half a dozen times as he relaxed his hands. Finally, he shook his head.  
“I don’t know.” The words frightened him more than anything else, and brought with them a fresh set of tears. “I-it was just a few minutes ago. He ran in and stopped and then-then he just…!” He gestured towards Hinata agitatedly, searching his upperclassman’s face for an answer he knew he didn’t have. Instead, it just collapsed in confusion.  
“He just passed out?” the other setter asked. Kageyama nodded, bringing a hand up to wipe weakly at his eyes. Sugawara let him go and walked past him.  
“Asahi!” Kageyama watched as his other upperclassman jumped and yelped in fear, and then turned to stare at Daichi, the source of the authoritative shout. He was still holding Hinata, who was still motionless in his arms.  
“Y-yes?” If Sugawara’s voice had been weak, Asahi’s was barely audible. Daichi didn’t seem to care.  
“Call 119. Now.”  
“Ah- yes, D-Daichi!”  
Kageyama wrapped his arms around his own torso, trying to breathe deeply and calmly. They were calling 119. Hinata needed 119. Suddenly, he couldn’t just stand still anymore. He walked over and knelt in front of Hinata and Daichi, looking at his captain in desperation.  
“Is he okay?”  
“He’s unconscious,” Daichi responded evenly. Kageyama exhaled, the one fear that he hadn’t allowed himself to even think about dropping from his mind.  
“I-it’s… um, my classmate, he collapsed,” Asahi stammered behind him to an inaudible emergency responder. “He’s covered in b-bl-I think it’s… blood. I-I don’t know what happened.”  
“What’s wrong with him?” Kageyama probed, barely noticing that he was still crying. His captain regarded him and sighed.  
“Kageyama-,”  
Suddenly, in his periphery, Kageyama saw Hinata’s eyes flutter open. His body flooded with relief, the millions of muscles he’d been unknowingly tensing relaxing all at once. Daichi’s head snapped around to look at their teammate as he slowly struggled to sit up, and Asahi’s voice stopped.  
“Hinata!” Sugawara called out in concern from somewhere to the right. Hinata’s face was groggy and confused, and he blinked several times before his eyes rested on Kageyama’s face.  
“Kageyama…?” The word was slurred and quiet and hoarse. “Are you crying?” Kageyama started and wiped his arm across his eyes vigorously, pursing his lips as he dropped it and pointedly refusing to make eye contact with anyone.  
“Asahi!” Daichi shouted again. “Don’t you dare hang up! Keep talking to them!”  
“O-okay! I’m s-sorry!” Asahi continued talking to the responder, his voice fading until it sounded as though it was coming from right outside the gym. Finally, Kageyama looked up to see Hinata sitting up now, with Daichi’s hand on his back to steady him. Suddenly, the redhead’s expression broke, and the wild look in his eyes returned.  
“N-Natsu,” he gasped. He made a move to stand, and Kageyama instinctively leaned forward to stop him, but Daichi was already pulling him back down. Hinata turned to the captain. “I have to get to Natsu!”  
“Hinata.” Daichi’s tone was uncompromising. “You just collapsed. Your shirt is covered in blood, and you look like you just crawled out of the woods. You’re not going anywhere.”  
“B-but…!” he protested, his eyes brimming with tears. Kageyama’s heart twisted.  
“Dumbass,” he muttered, “what the hell happened?” Hinata looked at him in shock, before staring down at the linoleum. His hands were clenched in little fists on the floor, and his arms were visibly trembling.  
“Yes, I think you should tell us,” Daichi agreed after a moment. “But first- are you hurt anywhere?” Hinata shook his head and crossed his legs. Tears dropped onto his sneakers.  
“J-just scraped my chin. And my arm.” He took a deep, shuddering breath, and then looked back up at the two of them. Kageyama barely registered as Sugawara sat down next to him to his right.  
“Can you tell us what happened now?” the other setter asked, more gently. Hinata nodded.  
“I-I was gonna teach Natsu how to ride a bike.”  
“Your little sister?” Sugawara asked. Hinata gritted his teeth and looked down again, his little body wracked with sobs. Kageyama wanted to do something, but he didn’t know what. Just anything.  
“Y-yeah. ...We went out and rode- until we got to this hill.” The redhead stopped for a moment and dropped his face into his hands. “When we got up there, she….” He fell silent, save for the occasional wet gasp that shook his shoulders. Daichi rubbed his upper back slowly.  
“Was there an accident?” Sugawara was so insightful, so understanding. Hinata nodded. Kageyama bit his lip. He couldn’t do anything. He heard slow, heavy footsteps at the entrance to the gym, and the soft click of a phone snapping shut. Everything was silent for a long moment, the air oversaturated with emotion.  
“...I got her to the hospital,” Hinata continued finally, far more steadily than before. He lifted his face from his hands, instead tangling his fingers in his sweatpants again. “They called my mom, and we stayed there all night. Then the doctor came out and said she was stable.” Kageyama breathed a sigh of relief in tandem with the third-years.  
“When was that?” Again, it was Sugawara who asked.  
“...A couple hours ago?”  
“Then how’d you end up here?”  
“I….” Hinata trailed off, looking just as confused as Kageyama felt. Daichi and Sugawara exchanged a brief glance. “I ran?”  
“You _what?_ ” Daichi asked, blinking incredulously. “Why?” Hinata looked down at the linoleum with pursed lips.  
“I-I don’t know. I think…. I thought I had to tell everyone why I can’t be at practice.”  
Kageyama nodded and leaned back a bit. Finally, something he understood. His upperclassmen, on the other hand, looked baffled.  
“Hinata-,” Sugawara started, and then cut himself off with a sigh. “Nevermind. You should get changed.” The redhead tilted his head and then looked down at his shirt. His face went pale.  
“Asahi!” Daichi shouted again. “Find a spare uniform in the closet!”  
“O-okay!”  
“Can you stand?” The captain tugged at Hinata’s arm a bit, and the latter dragged his eyes away from the bloodstain on his T-shirt.  
“I-I think so.” His voice was trembling again, and so were his legs as he stood up with Daichi and Sugawara supporting him on either side. Kageyama stood with them. His stomach churned, so many emotions conflicting in his chest that he felt as though he’d been capsized at sea. He’d never met Natsu, but Hinata had mentioned her a few times, and when he did, his eyes sparkled like they only ever did when he was talking about her or spiking. He swallowed and silently prayed that she would be okay.  
“Here.” Daichi took one of Hinata’s arms and draped it over his shoulder. “Let’s go get you changed in the closet. Do you have your phone with you?” Hinata shook his head, and Kageyama watched as the two began walking slowly across the gym.  
“You alright, Kageyama?” Sugawara asked quietly as the others disappeared into the closet. Kageyama turned his head towards him, but couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact. He opened and closed his mouth several times.  
“I’m fine,” he mumbled finally. Even without looking at him directly, he could see his upperclassman’s eyebrow shoot up skeptically. Eventually, however, the other setter simply reached out and patted him on the shoulder. Kageyama took a deep, rattling breath, and felt his composure return somewhat.  
“Are Hinata and his sister close?” Sugawara asked. He nodded.  
“I think so.”  
“...I hope she’s alright.”  
A moment later, Daichi, Asahi, and Hinata emerged from the closet. The latter was now wearing a jersey and gym shorts, and was walking, albeit unsteadily, without support. They made their way across the gym to where the two setters were standing, and Kageyama studied Hinata’s face. His teammate now looked more exhausted than anything, his expression dim with misery as he stared down at the floor. His eyes had never looked so lifeless.  
“Th-there’s a p-police officer on the way.” Asahi looked at Sugawara as he spoke. “They s-said it would be fifteen minutes at least.” Sugawara nodded, and then turned to Hinata.  
“Maybe you should sit down, then,” he suggested softly. The redhead nodded almost imperceptibly and stumbled towards the wall next to the door, and the setter continued, even more quietly. “Kageyama, would you sit with him?”  
“...Yes.”  
Kageyama swallowed apprehensively as he approached the spot where Hinata had just sat down, and was now motionless, his head leaned back against the wall and his eyes squeezed shut. He stood and looked down at him for a moment, but his teammate showed no signs of responding, other than the slow rising and falling of his chest. Kageyama clenched his fists, and then hesitantly sat down at his side. The ensuing silence seemed to last an hour, Hinata breathing shakily to his right as he watched the third-years speaking to each other in muted tones, their expressions serious.  
“...Hinata.” He looked over as he spoke. His teammate’s breathing stopped for a moment, and then resumed, slowly. That was enough of a response for him. “You’ve always been good at believing. That’s why you used to spike my tosses with your eyes closed. I know you can believe she’ll be okay.” The silence resumed, and for a moment, Kageyama studied Hinata’s face, terrified that he’d said something wrong.  
“...You’re right, Kageyama,” Hinata mumbled finally, and he sighed in relief. The redhead’s voice was still utterly drained of energy, but it was no longer broken with anguish, and his closed-eye expression looked almost serene. Suddenly, he slumped sideways, his head coming to rest on Kageyama’s shoulder. Kageyama jumped, then stiffened, anxiety coursing through him.  
“Hinata? Are you okay?”  
“...Mmm,” he hummed, his head shifting as he nodded. Kageyama relaxed slightly, trying to stay as still as possible. Soon, Hinata’s breathing slowed, and the weight against his shoulder grew heavier. Brow furrowed, he watched his teammate as he slept, conscious of the residual adrenaline fading throughout his body from the initial shock of his collapse. For the first time, Kageyama fully realized how small Hinata was; how vulnerable he looked, eyes closed, cheeks stained with dried tears.  
The unmistakable sound of a car parking sounded suddenly from outside the gym. Kageyama looked up, and saw the third-years doing the same, staring through the entrance at something he couldn’t see. Daichi walked towards the door and stopped, glancing down at him.  
“Would you wake him up, Kageyama?” He nodded, and then reached out with his left hand to shake his sleeping teammate. Hinata’s breathing stopped, and he opened his eyes slowly, sitting up almost robotically and staring blankly ahead.  
“Come on, Hinata,” Daichi said, his tone half-heartedly cheerful. “There’s an officer here to pick you up.”  
Hinata stood up slowly, and Kageyama stood with him, prepared to catch him if he fell again. But he didn’t fall, and simply walked forward to join Daichi as they left the gym. Suddenly conscious of the dull ache in his chest, Kageyama stepped forwards and peered out of the entrance, hearing two pairs of footsteps behind him as Sugawara and Asahi did the same. A mostly nondescript black car, save for the white letters that spelled POLICE printed on the side, was parked outside, and an older man in a police uniform had stepped out and was talking with Daichi quietly. As the three of them watched, the officer turned to address Hinata, who nodded, and then walked around the car and got in the passenger’s side. The officer said something to Daichi, then stepped into the driver’s seat.  
Kageyama clutched the fabric of his right shoulder as the car drove away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First aid with Kageyama Tobio:  
> Step 1) do NOT check for a pulse  
> Step 2) SCREAM AT THE VICTIM'S UNCONSCIOUS BODY  
> Step 3) ?????


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehe

The noodles were cold by now. Hinata poked at them absently with his chopsticks, his feet fidgeting under the table. Across from him, his mother was sipping slowly at a mug of green tea. The room was only dimly lit by a single lamp; the light outside the windows had long since faded.  
_I should eat. Mom’ll get worried._  
He couldn’t bring himself to look up at her. He could barely keep his eyes open; it felt like it had been years since he’d gotten any sleep. In reality, it had only been a week, and he had slept some, in spite of everything. Eventually, utter exhaustion always managed to drown out the noise.  
“Do you think you’ll be ready to go back to school tomorrow?” his mother asked suddenly, setting her cup down. Hinata glanced up at her briefly, and then back down at his bowl. The black bags under her eyes and her tiny, forced smile were too much for him to bear. He felt a spark of determination in his chest. _If I can start doing better, she won’t be so tired. And maybe things will go back to normal._  
“...Yeah,” he responded, setting his chopsticks down.  
“Okay. Why don’t we get up early tomorrow morning to visit Natsu, and you can go to school for a half day?” He looked back up at her and nodded, feeling a bit more energetic. This time, her smile seemed partially genuine. “Okay, Shoyo. You should get some rest.” She stood up, ruffled his hair, picked up his plate, and padded into the kitchen.  
He prayed as he entered his bedroom that tonight would be better. He threw back the comforter on his mattress and lay down, savoring the warmth of his bed and closing his eyes. The house was unnaturally silent, notably missing a pair of tiny footsteps, and for a moment, Hinata was almost able to fall asleep. And then, as always, it began.  
_He's so pathetic._  
His eyes shot open. Immediately, he felt them fill with frustrated tears, and he laid an arm across his face to soak them up.  
_Don’t go to school tomorrow! He can’t go to school!_  
The second voice, the paranoid one, was always female, and always the loudest. Hinata hated it the most. With his eyes closed, he could almost imagine her standing over him, shouting into his ear.  
_Don’t be so hard on him._  
This one was softer, and masculine. Sometimes, it reminded him of Sugawara.  
_He’s so pathetic! Look at him!_  
And this one, sometimes loud and always scathing, reminded him of Kageyama.  
_Check the door!_  
He’d tried doing what she said to do a couple of nights ago, just to shut her up. He’d ended up spending hours looking through every window in the house for intruders, and she had never stopped shouting.  
_Please…._  
His own thoughts were quieter than all of them. The skin on his arm was wet with tears.  
_Let him sleep. He hasn’t slept in a long time._  
 _You’re talking, too._  
 _Piece of shit! Why doesn't he just-_  
 _Check the door! There’s someone at the door!_  
 _No one’s there._  
 _Don’t make him-_  
 _He’s so pathetic. He’s worthless!_  
 _Please._  
 _What kind of piece of shit can’t save his own sister?_  
Hinata gritted his teeth and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.  
_I can’t tell Mom. She’d be so-_  
 _Don’t trust her!_  
 _Of course he can trust her._  
 _He can’t trust anyone!_  
 _She’s been crying because of him._  
Through his closed and covered eyes, Hinata saw the bright flash of headlights pass by his bedroom window. By now, he knew that half an hour or so later, they’d do it again.  
_Shut up! All of you!_  
 _Don’t leave the house!_  
 _What kind of son-_  
 _Don’t yell at him!_  
It took several hours for him to finally fall asleep, or maybe fall unconscious. He wasn’t sure of the difference anymore. Before now, he’d never managed to sleep in what felt like a room full of people yelling at him. By the time he woke up to the sensation of his mother shaking him, the voices had quieted again. And he was just as exhausted as the night before.  
“Shoyo.” Her voice was so gentle and quiet. He rolled over and stared at her blearily, making out the curve of her weary smile through his blurred vision. “The hospital says Natsu’s been up for a bit this morning. She was asking to see you.” She reached out and combed her fingers through his hair as he sat up, his eyes stinging. He rubbed at them and nodded.  
“Okay. I’ll hurry, then.” He felt the bed shift as she stood.  
“Breakfast is in the kitchen. Make sure you bring everything you need for school.”  
He ate his toast quickly, scraping up the energy he’d need for the day by imagining his little sister waiting for him at the hospital. She’d been waking up in short bursts over the past few days; the first three nights, when she didn’t wake up at all, were the scariest. However, when she was awake, she was remarkably energetic considering the painkillers she was on, and always in a bright mood. _She didn’t even blame me for…._  
As he washed his face and brushed his teeth, he couldn’t help but grimace at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were rimmed with deep, dark circles, and he gave up trying after fifteen minutes to get all but the worst tangles out of his already unruly hair. The familiarity of his uniform felt somehow strange to him, and his school bag was still lying, packed and untouched, in the front entrance next to his shoes. The idea of returning to school provoked a churning mixture of emotions in his gut - on the one hand, the week he’d spent without attending a single official volleyball practice had left him with a sense of uneasy restlessness that persisted even through his sleep deprivation, but on the other, the thought of sitting through class, facing his friends and teammates, wasn’t entirely welcome. He tied his shoes and stood up to see his mother waiting in the doorway.  
“Ready?” she asked. He nodded, and they stepped outside. It only took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the milky dawn light and focus on the small blue car parked next to their house; it was a rental his mother had brought home a few days ago. It was easier, she had explained, to let Natsu stay in the hospital near his school for a while rather than bringing her closer, and to be able to drive to both places whenever they wanted. She didn’t mention that it was also easier because his bike was damaged beyond repair. They entered the car silently, and he gazed out the window as his mother began to drive.  
His memory of waking up in the gym was hazy. The last thing he remembered was sitting in the hospital as the doctor told him Natsu was stable, and then, suddenly, he was opening his eyes to see his teammates staring at him with frightened concern. He could swear he had even seen tears in Kageyama’s eyes, unbelievable as that was. Afterwards, his memory faded again, and he wasn’t even sure how he’d left, or what all he had and hadn’t explained. He frowned at the snow-coated trees as they flashed past. _I must’ve really scared them._  
By the time they pulled into the hospital parking lot, Hinata had nodded off in the passenger’s seat five separate times. Struggling to retain consciousness, he followed his mother into the stark white building and tried his best to suppress a shudder as he stepped inside. Natsu’s room was on the second floor, and every second he spent surrounded by those sterile walls, choking on the unnatural silence, made him fidget with unease. He hadn’t spent a lot of time in hospitals until recently.  
He peered over his mother’s shoulder as she opened the door to Natsu’s room - 110 - to see his sister lying in a pale blue hospital bed that seemed far too large for her tiny, blanket-swamped body. She was fast asleep, wrapped in bandages and tubes that made Hinata wince just as he had when he first saw them. But the rising and falling of her chest was gentle, and her expression looked serene in the glow of the warm light filtering in through the window.  
“Guess she got tired of waiting on us,” his mother remarked with a sigh and a tired smile. She looked over at him as he stepped over the door’s threshold. “Why don’t we sit down for a bit and see if she wakes up?”  
“Okay.”  
His mother took the chair nearest to the door, right in front of the bed, and leaned forwards to stroke Natsu’s hair. He sat down opposite her, next to the window, resting his elbow on the adjacent bedside table and cupping his chin in his hand. The room wasn’t spacious by any means, and what little room there was was mostly taken up by several tall, beeping machines that Hinata had no hope of identifying. The floor was white tile - everything was either white or light blue - and the walls were unadorned, save for a broad whiteboard opposite the bed and the single, albeit large, window framed with translucent curtains. He stifled a yawn.  
_Don’t blame yourself._  
He stiffened in his chair, and struggled to keep his alarm from showing on his face. His mother didn’t seem to notice, still gazing at Natsu with a soft expression. He took a deep, slow breath. _At least it’s not the yelling lady this time. Actually, this is the best one._ Suddenly, his mother looked over at him, and he straightened, trying his best to look casual.  
“Shoyo-,” She broke off, her lips pursed in a tiny frown. He tilted his head in an attempt at idle curiosity.  
_No one blames you, see?_  
“...Are you sure you want to go to school today, Shoyo? You look like you didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.” He nodded, as enthusiastically as he could manage.  
_She doesn’t blame you, either._  
“Yeah. It’s already been a week. Besides, I haven’t been to practice at all, and nationals are coming up soon.” The word _nationals_ lit a spark in his chest, and for the first time in several days, he felt a bit of energy that wasn’t forced. _That’s right. We’re going to nationals!_  
_Everything’s going to be-_  
“Okay, honey,” she replied, smiling, and he shivered as their voices spoke in unison. She looked back over at Natsu, and gently ruffled her hair. “I’m sure she’ll be better by then. We can even keep the car until after nationals, so we can come see you for once. I-,”  
_Why don’t you just get some sleep?_  
 _Argh, don’t talk over people!_ He smiled at his mother apologetically.  
“Sorry, what was that?” he asked, before continuing, a bit too quickly. “M-my ear started ringing.” She frowned for a split second, but to his relief, didn’t question him.  
“I just said I hate that I’ve missed so many of your matches.”  
“N-no, it’s fine!”  
_You’ll feel better if you sleep._ This time, the voice drowned out the end of his own sentence, and he had a feeling he was far louder than he should’ve been.  
_Don’t talk over me, either!_  
“You looked so cool on TV, though. I thought Natsu was going to explode from excitement.” She chuckled a bit, and Hinata glanced away.  
“...We’re definitely gonna win at nationals. So you and Natsu can both watch.” His mother looked up at him in surprise, before her expression melted into another genuine smile.  
_Just rest._


	5. Chapter 5

As he passed through the gates of Karasuno High School, Hinata felt the urge to immediately turn around. But the sound of his mother driving off behind him prompted him to walk forwards, and he made it through the front entrance just as the tone sounded for fourth period. All around him, other students began to flood the hallways, and he could practically feel their eyes gluing to him and his tiny, disheveled body. He stared down at the ground and clutched his bag tighter. _I wonder how much they know._  
Fourth period. English. His classroom was only a little ways down the hall, and then he could sit down and focus on trying to decipher what the teacher was saying instead of trying to block out the incessant whispering of his peers. _I really, really don’t wanna be here._ Small as he was, he was nearly trampled before he made it to his class, but that was hardly unusual. He took a deep breath, and then stepped inside to see that nearly everyone was already at their seats. And of course, the moment he entered, two dozen sets of eyes immediately focused in on him. He flinched.  
“Ah- welcome back, Hinata,” the teacher greeted him. Even she looked a bit taken aback.  
“Th-thanks,” he replied with a quick bow, turning back towards the class.  
Kageyama was staring at him intensely from the second row, his deep blue eyes glittering with something that couldn’t possibly be concern. Hinata glanced away quickly, and caught sight of Tsukishima, who, thankfully, wore as blank an expression as always. As he walked to his seat, however, he saw that from behind Tsukishima, Yamaguchi was looking at him as though he was witnessing live coverage of a national tragedy. And everyone else was whispering.  
“Is that really Hinata? He looks so….” A girl’s voice, somewhere towards the back of the classroom.  
“I heard that his sister died.” A guy’s voice. He stiffened and placed his bag down slowly, staring down at his desk and biting his lip.  
“Wait, _seriously?_ And he’s back after just a week?” Another guy, right next to the one before him.  
_They all know it’s his fault._ And another guy’s voice, far too familiar. He focused on pulling out his English notebook and keeping his eyes from tearing up.  
“Alright, class-,”  
_He should get out of here!_  
He set his notebook on his desk and flipped to a random page. At the very least, he couldn’t understand his classmates’ whispers anymore. Several locks of his tangled hair fell around his eyes, blocking out his sight of anything but the blank page in front of him.  
_What a piece of shit!_  
He took out a pen.  
“If we look at the syntax here-,”  
_Go! Go! Get out!_  
He gripped the pen so tight he wouldn’t’ve been surprised if it exploded in his hand. Now his hair was serving two purposes: blocking out his view of everyone else and, hopefully, preventing them from seeing the tears streaming down his cheeks.  
_Come on, Shoyo, get ahold of yourself._  
 _What’s he even doing here?_  
 _Run!_  
He sighed explosively, wiping at his eyes in what he hoped was a discreet manner. They still stung from sleep deprivation.  
_Dammit! Why’d it have to be these two?_  
“Yamaguchi, what’s the correct idiom here?” He heard the screech of a chair sliding backwards as Yamaguchi stood.  
“Um-,”  
_Why doesn’t he just go lie down in the street?_  
“Incorrect.”  
He almost laughed a bit at the voice’s timing. _Oh, no. I’m really going crazy, huh?_  
 _Just get out of here!_  
Somehow, he managed to struggle through the rest of class without losing his mind completely. By the time the tone sounded, the voices had mostly died down, and the page in front of him was still blank. He took a deep breath, closed his notebook, and dared to look up. Yamaguchi was standing in front of his desk, his expression balancing delicately on the verge of worry and feigned cheerfulness.  
“Hey, Hinata, I’m glad you’re back. How are you doing?” Hinata smiled up at him weakly.  
“I’m okay. Thanks.”  
“That’s good.” Yamaguchi sighed a bit, his shoulders relaxing. “I can give you notes and stuff, if you want. You didn’t miss too much, I don’t think.”  
“Thanks, Yamaguchi-kun.” There was a brief silence, and his classmate’s hands fidgeted as he glanced around nervously.  
“U-um, I hope you don’t mind if I ask, but… how’s your sister?” _Ah. So they do know._  
“She’s doing pretty good, actually,” he replied. “She’s been waking up and stuff, and the doctors say she’s gonna recover.”  
“Ah, that’s great!” Yamaguchi’s eyes shone in relief, and the last bit of tension seemed to leave his body. “She must be a really strong girl.”  
“Yeah, she is.” Hinata felt a familiar glow in his chest, though it was accompanied by a more recently familiar ache. “She’s pretty cheerful, too, when she wakes up.”  
“Oi.”  
Hinata jumped a bit at the gravelly voice, and looked to his left to see Kageyama standing at the other side of his desk, staring at him with his brow furrowed in a glare. Whatever strange emotion had shimmered in his eyes when Hinata first entered the classroom was gone now. In fact, the familiar glare was almost reassuring. _At least Grumpyama’s still Grumpyama._  
“Are you coming to practice today?” the setter asked, his tone steely. Behind him, Hinata saw Tsukishima’s shoulders stiffen, and in the corner of his vision, Yamaguchi visibly started. The brief spark he’d felt at the hospital returned, and he straightened, staring back at Kageyama with his eyes narrowed in determination.  
“Of course.”  
They maintained eye contact for a moment, before Kageyama nodded firmly and turned to walk away. As he watched the setter disappear into the hallway, Hinata felt a small, but genuine grin split his face for the first time in a week.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last new POV I swear

Tsukishima tilted his head back, feeling the cool, refreshing rush of water down his throat, before lowering the bottle and wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. Beside him, Yamaguchi did the same, and they both turned to look back out over the court. Sugawara, Tanaka, Asahi, Kageyama, and Hinata were practicing their synchronized attack, because, as Ukai had pointed out, they needed to get resynced if the name was to stay appropriate. Tanaka slammed the ball down onto the court and whooped, low-fiving an equally enthusiastic Sugawara.  
“They’re so noisy,” Yamaguchi remarked with a chuckle. Tsukishima hummed in agreement.  
But not as noisy as usual. His gaze shifted to Hinata, whose expression was unusually grim. Tsukishima didn’t think he’d heard him shout even once all afternoon, and despite the third and second-years’ typical display of enthusiasm, the heavy atmosphere filling the gym was nearly palpable.  
“I hope he’s okay.”  
Tsukishima glanced back over at Yamaguchi to see that he’d followed his gaze, and was watching the little spiker as they all returned to their positions.  
“Well, it makes sense,” Tsukishima remarked with a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck with a towel. “Even Hinata can’t immediately go back to normal after something like that.”  
“Yeah.”  
Daichi had told them, with Ukai’s permission, what had happened the day Hinata was first absent. Apparently, he’d actually showed up to morning practice that day, disoriented and sleep deprived, and collapsed on the floor of the gym. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi had arrived only fifteen or so minutes after a police car came to take him back to his mother, just in time for the two of them to hear Ukai telling the others practice was cancelled. After school, when the captain told them the details, Tsukishima couldn’t help but feel just a twinge of concern and empathy for his annoying teammate. As a fellow human being.  
Now, he watched along with Yamaguchi as Hinata leapt into the air and whiffed Sugawara’s toss completely, falling back down onto the court with a growl of frustration.  
“D-don’t mind,” Sugawara called out nervously, a shout that Tanaka and Asahi echoed in the same hesitant tone. Kageyama said nothing, his expression even. Hinata mumbled an apology.  
“Still.” Tsukishima set his water bottle down beside him. “That wasn’t even one of the King’s ridiculous quicks that he missed. If he can’t pick himself back up before nationals, we’ll be in trouble.”  
“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi chided, his lips pursed. “He’s Hinata. I’m sure he’ll be fine by then.” Suddenly, his friend’s expression changed, and he regarded Tsukishima coolly as he slid the towel from his shoulder. “Besides, you can’t get rid of your rival that easily.” Tsukishima clicked his tongue with a jolt of annoyance, narrowing his eyes and looking back out at the court.  
“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”  
“Sorry, Tsukki!”  
“Alright, that’s enough,” Ukai shouted from the edge of the gym. “Everyone line up for receiving drills, and then we’ll have a three-on-three.”  
Fortunately, after completing their five successful receives each, neither Tsukishima nor Yamaguchi was in the ensuing practice match, and they met back up near the bench to watch the game. Nishinoya, Asahi, and Sugawara were playing Daichi, Kageyama, and Hinata, a combination that he was sure Ukai had intentionally picked to help the freak duo match back up. However, as the first set reached the halfway point, it was obvious that Hinata was playing worse than he had all day: missing half of Kageyama’s tosses, blocking seemingly at random, and running into his teammate’s receives even when they called out.  
By now, the oppressive atmosphere had become almost unbearable. On the side of the court, Tanaka looked unusually glum, his face engraved with concern, and the other second-years looked equally unnerved. Hinata’s jaw was set as he played, the usual spark in his eye transformed into something more sinister without the accompaniment of his ordinary bright smile. Even Nishinoya was quiet. Even more strangely, so was Kageyama, who watched silently as Hinata missed spike after spike, never offering so much as a single word of harsh criticism.  
“I wonder how long it’ll be before the King blows up on him,” Tsukishima snarked, glancing at Yamaguchi, who smiled half-heartedly.  
“Maybe he’s worried, too.”  
He scoffed.  
“Didn’t seem like it earlier.” Yamaguchi’s shoulders slumped a bit, and his eyes turned towards the ground.  
“Yeah, that was weird. I guess he just didn’t know what else to say.”  
“Hm.”  
Tsukishima glanced back at Hinata, who was diving to receive a ball that was much farther in front of him than he seemed to realize. As it dropped, the redhead grimaced, slamming a fist down onto the court before standing and apologizing quietly, his expression resetting. As he returned to his position and crouched, Tsukishima realized with astonishment that his lips were moving; he was muttering to himself, quickly and agitatedly.  
The three-on-three ended predictably. Sugawara’s team won straight through, with scores of 18-25 and 15-25, half of their points gained through Hinata’s mistakes. On the bench, Yachi seemed to be on the verge of tears, and everyone else was visibly uneasy, save for Kageyama. The first-year setter’s expression was still even and utterly unreadable, even to Tsukishima. As he watched the game conclude, Tsukishima tried not to let his growing apprehension show. He never thought he would miss the freak duo’s annoying antics, but he couldn’t help but feel Yamaguchi’s earlier sentiment echoing in his chest. He hoped they would be okay.  
“I’m sorry.” Hinata spoke through gritted teeth, bowing to Daichi, whose expression collapsed in what could only be described as simple sadness.  
“It’s okay, Hinata. Don’t push yourself.”  
“Y-yeah,” Ukai agreed, coming up behind the captain. Tsukishima followed his teammates as they all instinctively gathered around the coach. Takeda joined them, standing beside Ukai, his expression strangely calm and natural in a way that Tsukishima couldn’t help but find reassuring.  
“You all did very well,” Takeda said with a cheerful smile, before turning to Hinata. “Hinata, I know you’re probably frustrated right now, but everyone understands that you’re going through a difficult time. I think you should have that same understanding for yourself, too.” Tsukishima watched as Hinata stared down at the floor, his eyes narrowed and his lip trembling. Takeda took a step forwards and patted his arm. “I already know you’re strong enough to come back after you’ve been knocked down. You just have to give yourself the time to get up.”  
There was a brief silence. Hinata couldn’t seem to make eye contact with their teacher, and his eyes were shining with unshed tears. Tsukishima looked away. He still saw the redhead nod at the edge of his vision.  
“...Yeah. Thanks, sensei.” Hinata’s voice was smaller than he’d ever heard it before. Ukai cleared his throat.  
“R-right,” the coach began, scratching at the back of his neck awkwardly. “It’s gonna take some time to get back into the swing of things.” His voice grew stronger suddenly, and he looked at each of them in turn. “But we’re gonna be ready by the time nationals come around. You’re a strong team, and I want you to keep working on those strengths, without overexerting yourselves.”  
“Yeah!” the team shouted in unison.  
“Alright. Go home for today, and get plenty of rest. I’ll see you all tomorrow morning.”  
With that, Ukai raised a hand in farewell and turned towards the door, with Takeda following close behind after a short bow. Tsukishima only cast a quick glance backwards at Hinata, who was still standing motionlessly in the middle of the court, before walking over towards the bench to collect his things. He fought to push down the unfamiliar swell of anxiety rising in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title: tsukki and yams talk mad sh!t


	7. Chapter 7

“ _Shoyo!_ Are you paying attention?”  
Hinata jumped a bit in his chair and scratched the back of his neck, smiling at Natsu apologetically. She was sitting up somewhat straight in her hospital bed, staring at him with her lips twisted in an indignant pout.  
“Y-yeah. ‘M just kinda sleepy.”  
_Get her out of here!_  
“-more sleep then.” Though her voice was weak, it still contained the same underlying layer of bouncy enthusiasm it always did, as if it had never even occurred to her to be brought down by the accident. Hinata resented the voices in his head more than ever for interrupting her so constantly, when she was so rarely awake in the first place.  
_He’s so worthless._  
“...Yeah. I’ll try.”  
“You better!” She leaned back, brow still furrowed. “If you’re too sleepy you won’t do good at practice today.”  
_He’s doing his best._  
Hinata nodded firmly at the mention of practice, clenching his fists in his lap.  
“Yeah. We’re-,”  
_Don’t leave her here!_  
 _Oh, shut up._  
“...We’re, um, playing another team today.” Natsu’s eyes went round, her mouth forming a little _o_.  
“Like, another volleyball team? Are they scary?” Hinata shuddered as the faces of the iron wall of Dateko flashed through his mind, settling on Aone’s permanently grim expression. Even now, the excitement he felt at the prospect of facing them wasn’t entirely dampened.  
“Yeah, super scary.” He grinned.  
_Fucking idiot._  
“And they’re super good at blocking. Their blocks always come together like _blam!_ ” He held his arms up to demonstrate, adopting an intimidating expression. Natsu giggled. He lowered his arms again. “And there’s this super tall guy-,”  
_He still isn’t getting enough sleep._  
“-w-with white hair named Aone.”  
“White?” Natsu repeated in amazement.  
“Yeah. He’s super scary-looking, but he’s actually pretty nice. He doesn’t talk much.”  
“Not like you, Shoyo!” his little sister quipped with a beaming grin. He glared at her.  
_She’s going to die!_  
He froze, and felt his offended expression drop from his face. Clenching fistfuls of the fabric of his uniform pants, he looked away from his sister and down at the floor.  
“...Hey, Natsu?”  
_He’s the one who should be in that bed._  
He glanced back up at Natsu to see her head tilted to the side, her eyes shining with curiosity, and decided to just assume that she’d responded.  
“I’m glad you’re doing better. I-,”  
_He’s doing his best._  
“...I love you,” he muttered. Natsu smiled at him affectionately and let out another small giggle.  
“You’re so silly, Shoyo. I lo-,”  
_The doctors will kill her!_  
Hinata fought to keep the agitation from showing on his face as he watched his little sister’s lips move, unable to hear her words. He bit his lip, but despite his best efforts, he felt tears forming in his eyes. Before Natsu could notice, he leaned forwards and wrapped his arms around her gently. He felt her small hands patting his back, and focused intensely on keeping the tears from flowing down his cheeks.  
_Dammit. Why does it feel like she’s the one comforting me?_  
 _Some brother._  
He raised a trembling hand to dry his eyes and pulled back just as he heard the door swing open. The two of them looked up to see their mother entering, holding a bundle of fresh flowers that she placed in an empty vase on the bedside table.  
“ _Ooo,_ hydrangeas!” Natsu chirped. “Those are my favorite!”  
_It’ll all-_  
“I thought so,” their mother responded with a quiet smile. “The courtyard here is full of all kinds of different flowers.” Her smile faded a bit at Natsu’s next words.  
“I wanna go walk in the courtyard, then!”  
_You’re all in danger!_  
 _Piece of shit!_  
 _He’s not worthless!_  
Hinata watched his mother’s mouth move silently and slumped in his chair, his earlier energy deserting him. _These voices should just hurry up and go away, or I might really go crazy._ He straightened quickly as his mother turned to look at him.  
“Shoyo, it’s almost 12:00. Are you ready to go?” He cast a reluctant glance at Natsu and nodded.  
“Yeah.”  
“Okay.” She leaned down and pressed a kiss to Natsu’s forehead, ruffling her hair as she stood back up. “I’ll be back in a little bit. Tell the nurses if you need anything at all.”  
“Okay!” Hinata stood up and slung his school bag over his shoulder just as his little sister turned to look at him. “Shoyo, do good at practice today! Make sure you beat that scary nice guy!” He offered her a weak grin and raised a hand in farewell.  
“Definitely. I’ll tell you all about it soon.”  
“Bye-bye!”  
Hinata and his mother waved at Natsu, who waved back slowly with both hands, before closing the door. He took in one deep breath after another as he realized the voices had gone silent, bracing himself for one of them to suddenly shout. The only voice he heard was his mother’s.  
“She really is amazing,” she remarked with a sad smile.  
“Yeah.” They turned to walk down the hallway, and Hinata fidgeted a bit as he felt his mother’s gaze searching his face.  
“You’re an amazing brother, you know.” He flinched, avoiding eye contact.  
“...Thanks.”  
There was a brief silence, during which Hinata counted the floor tiles as they passed.  
“...Shoyo, I know this has to be hard for you. Are you doing okay?” His lip trembled, and he lowered his head even further. _Why am I the one making her worry?_  
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he managed. _I should say more. She doesn’t believe me._  
“Honey, you look like you haven’t slept in ages. Maybe we should just-,”  
He inhaled deeply, summoning every ounce of control he could manage, and forced his expression into a bright, carefree smile as he turned to face his mother.  
“No, really. I’m fine, Mom.” She still looked unconvinced. He hadn’t been able to erase the worry lines creasing her forehead.  
_Piece of shit._  
“...Okay, Shoyo.”

With every step he took towards the gym, Hinata mustered up another drop of energy, every bit of which he knew he was about to need. The sounds of squeaking sneakers and volleyballs slamming into linoleum were already echoing from the court, sounds that could’ve revitalized him even if he was on his deathbed. _I’m definitely gonna break through the iron wall today._  
“Hinata.”  
He stopped and turned, though he already knew who he would see. There was no mistaking that rough voice; Kageyama stood a few feet behind him on the concrete path, his expression fixed in its usual challenging glare.  
“Are you gonna be able to play today?” the setter demanded simply. Hinata felt his brow furrow in a glare of his own.  
“Huh?” He lowered his chin, fists clenching. “Of course I am.” He raised an arm and pointed at Kageyama, who blinked. “So you better set to me!” There was a brief silence, before the setter’s eyebrows lowered and his mouth widened in a grin.  
“I will, if I think you’re needed to win.”  
Hinata nodded, and felt a strong understanding flash between them. He turned just in time for Kageyama to come up beside him, and they walked together wordlessly into the gym. Inside, most of Karasuno’s team was already practicing, running up one after another to spike Sugawara’s tosses. Hinata stepped forwards in anticipation, watching as Daichi slammed one into the ground. _Now if my stupid imagination'll just leave me alone, I can show Kageyama_ and _Dateko I can still play!_  
It took another five minutes for the other team to arrive, marching in and arranging themselves in a single, terrifying line of pure height and muscle. Hinata’s eyes sparkled as they landed on Aone, who returned his gaze with an expression as enthusiastic as his stoic face could muster. Dateko’s coach and Takeda spoke briefly, before both teams bowed to each other, and split up to begin their warm-ups. Hinata immediately bounced over to the white-haired giant, temporarily forgetting the cloud of exhaustion fogging up his brain.  
“Aone!” he shouted excitedly. “How are you?” The other player turned towards him and simply nodded, before tilting his head.  
“You?” he replied, his voice deep and rumbling. Hinata jumped a bit, and put a hand on the back of his head.  
“Me? Eh, well, I-I guess I’ve been better.” He looked up to see Aone’s expression adopting that familiar look of concern he’d come to hate. He waved his hands around dismissively. “Ah- it’s nothing, though.” He crouched a bit, clenching his fists just below his chin and smiling up at the giant. “We’re not gonna lose today!”  
“...We won’t, either,” Aone responded with the slightest of smiles. They stared at each other for a moment, energy crackling in the air between them, before simultaneously turning back towards their respective teams. Hinata was surprised to see almost everyone on Karasuno watching him and smiling, save for Tsukishima and Kageyama. As he returned to them, Asahi stepped forwards, his eyes unusually bright.  
“Let’s break through today, Hinata,” the ace said. Hinata grinned.  
“Yeah!”


	8. Chapter 8

There were two volleyballs hovering in front of him. Kageyama had set only one, of course, but Hinata’s eyes told him definitively that there were two. Fighting his swelling panic, he swiped at the closer ball and was relieved to feel its weight press against his palm. A moment later, he heard it slam against the ground behind him, and he landed facing the iron wall.  
“Yeah!” Futakuchi shouted, bumping chests with Aone and clearly immediately regretting that decision. Hinata frowned and turned his back on them, returning to his initial position.  
“Don’t mind!” Asahi called from across the court. Behind him, their scores read 11-14. Dateko’s lead. He crouched and took a deep breath, trying to focus through his body’s pleas for sleep.  
_What the hell is he doing?_  
He froze.  
_No, no. Not now._  
“Nice serve!”  
_Check the door!_  
 _Her, too?_  
He grimaced, and couldn’t help but cast a glance at the gym door. It was closed, of course, and no intruders suddenly presented themselves as he watched.  
“Hinata!”  
He jumped at Daichi’s voice, and turned to see Dateko’s serve arcing down towards the ground right in front of him. Panicking, he dove to receive it, and felt it glance off his arm, flying errantly to Kageyama’s left.  
“Sorry!” he shouted. “Cover!”  
_Why is he even trying?_  
He jumped to his feet and sprinted to the right side of the court, balancing on the balls of his feet and leaping into the air. This time, only one volleyball passed in front of him, stopping for a moment in the air. His eyes widened in shock as a blocker rose in front of him, hands outstretched above the net.  
_He’ll kill you!_  
 _Dammit! Even though I used minus tempo?_  
There was nowhere for him to hit the ball. Eyeing a spot on the edge of the court, he hit a desperate straight before landing. He whipped his head around to stare at the Dateko player who was serving as referee, and groaned in frustration as the player raised both hands in front of his chest. Out.  
“Dumbass!” Hinata jumped at the familiar shout, and turned to see Kageyama staring at him furiously from center court. _Huh. It feels like it’s been a while since Kageyama yelled at me._  
_He damn well should_.  
“Why the hell would you hit it that way?” the setter demanded. “There was no block!” Hinata felt a jolt of intertwined confusion and indignation.  
“What are you talking about?” he retorted, taking a step forwards. He turned to point at the net. “There was-,”  
_Idiot._  
He stared, dumbfounded, at the other side of the court. Aone, Koganegawa, and Futakuchi were all bunched near center court, and the nearest person to the net in front of him was Dateko’s libero. _What…? Where’d that giant blocker go?_  
“If there isn’t even a block, then make the damn point,” Kageyama snarled, apparently not noticing his confusion. He stared back at him, speechless. _No way. This isn’t fair._  
_You really are an idiot._  
“Oi, Kageyama,” Tanaka interrupted, stepping up beside the setter. “That’s enough.” Behind him, Hinata saw Tsukishima chuckle, tilting his head upwards to stare down at them.  
“Looks like the King finally blew up,” he commented. “How merciless.”  
“ _Huh?_ ” Kageyama whirled around, and Hinata stared blankly at the back of his jersey.  
_Your sister’s in the hospital, and you’re standing here playing volleyball._  
Hinata felt as though he’d been electrocuted. He watched as Daichi wrangled together the rest of the team, and forced his suddenly leaden legs to return him to the back of the court. This was the first time the scathing voice had addressed him directly. The paranoid one had fallen silent, and to his own disbelief, he almost missed her.  
“Nice serve!”  
_Your sister’s in the hospital, and it’s your fault._  
He set his jaw and watched as Tanaka received Dateko’s serve, before running forwards mechanically and leaping into the air. This time, when the ball appeared in front of him, there was no blocker. And this time, when he swiped his hand downwards to spike it, he felt nothing. He landed. There was no ball.  
_Do you know how much pain she’s in?_  
He felt tears forming in his eyes, and blinked them away as he ran back towards center court. Dateko seemed to be moving in slow motion, and he struggled to comprehend what he was seeing. One ball was falling towards Koganegawa, who was preparing to set it, and another was flying towards a spiker who was right in front of where Hinata stood. His body worked faster than his mind, and he jumped, arms outstretched to block. By the time he landed, the spiker had vanished, and Futakuchi was shooting into the air to his left, arm held back to spike the real ball.  
_You left her alone. For this._  
Suddenly, Tsukishima was beside him, jumping above the net in front of Dateko’s captain. Hinata watched as Futakuchi spiked the ball directly into Tsukishima’s arms. A moment later, it slammed to the ground on Dateko’s side of the court. Hinata straightened, panting.  
_You’ve done so much damage to so many people. You’re worse than worthless._  
 _Stop it._  
He stared vacantly ahead, drawing shaky breaths and digging his nails into the palms of his hands. His lip hurt, and he realized he was biting it. Through the watery blur in his vision, he could make out Futakuchi turning to look at him as he finished whatever he was saying to Tsukishima.  
“Their #10’s all over the place,” he remarked with a smirk. Hinata’s tears rolled down his face just as he made eye contact with Dateko’s captain, whose expression suddenly froze into a shocked stare. He grit his teeth and wiped his eyes against his shirt sleeve.  
_Your sister, your mother, and now your teammates. You’re hurting everyone._  
As he turned back towards his side of the court, he caught a glimpse of Tsukishima’s incredulous expression. To his right, Asahi was staring at him fearfully, and next to him, Tanaka’s face was stricken with uncharacteristic worry. Even Kageyama’s glare had disappeared, replaced with a wide-eyed, stunned expression. Hinata stared down at the ground as he felt dozens of eyes burning holes in his skin. His breathing quickened.  
_Do you hear me? You’re hurting so many people!_  
 _Shut up! I’m not hurting anyone!_ He glared at the linoleum and physically bit his tongue to keep the words from escaping his head. He watched two small teardrops land on the court.  
“Hinata!”  
Suddenly, there was a hand on his shoulder, and he turned to find himself staring into Daichi’s face. Thankfully, the team captain looked a bit calmer than everyone else, but behind him, on the other side of the net, Hinata could see Aone standing stock-still with that same awful expression.  
“Hinata, you’re rotating-,” Daichi’s voice was cut off, and Hinata found it impossible to read his lips.  
_You piece of shit! How long are you going to keep acting like none of this is your fault?_  
He struggled to ignore the voice and make out what the captain was saying, before he felt a second person touching his other shoulder. When he turned around again, he was surprised to find that he had to look down to see into the face of the other person. It was Nishinoya, his eyes glittering, his mouth set in a grim line.  
“It’s my rotation, Shoyo,” the libero told him quietly. _Oh. That’s right._  
“Okay.” The word came out weak and wavering, but he didn’t trust himself to say anything else. Nishinoya patted him firmly on the shoulder, and then Hinata found himself walking off the court, staring at his own feet.  
_Listen to me!_  
 _Shut up!_  
He glanced up as he reached the sideline to see Ukai beckoning him. The coach was standing against the gym wall, behind the bench, where Yachi was staring at him with tears in her eyes. He breathed in sharply and avoided her gaze as he walked past her and stood in front of Ukai.  
“Hinata,” the coach began. His expression matched Daichi’s. His voice did, too, as it was interrupted and drowned out before he could even really start talking.  
_You took Natsu out biking when you knew it would be dangerous. You let that car hit her. She only lived because that man decided to stop and drive you to the hospital. If it had been up to you to save her, she would’ve bled out right there on the street!_  
 _Stop it! Why won’t you just leave me alone?_  
Ukai’s lips had stopped moving. He had asked him a question, probably. He was supposed to respond.  
_Why the fuck are you even alive? You nearly killed your sister!_  
The voice was louder than it had ever been. He couldn’t take it anymore. Ignoring Ukai’s look of alarm, he clutched his hands to his ears and sank to the floor, squeezing his eyes shut. He barely registered the feeling of the gym wall against his back as he leaned into it.  
_I didn’t! Mom said-_  
 _You hurt her, too! You lied to her this morning, right before you abandoned Natsu in the hospital! What kind of son- what kind of brother does that?_  
 _They don’t blame me!_  
 _But it’s your fault!_  
“ _No! It’s not my fault!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how volleyball works


	9. Chapter 9

“ _No! It’s not my fault!_ ”  
Kageyama froze at the sound of Hinata’s scream, whipping his head around to stare at the side of the court. His hands were still raised above his head, hovering motionlessly in the air in preparation for a toss that didn’t come. Somewhere behind him, he heard the thud of the volleyball dropping to the floor and bouncing away, forgotten.  
Hinata was crouched against the wall of the gym, next to the door, his hands clasped to his ears and his eyes shut tight. As Kageyama watched, they slowly opened, and, even more slowly, the little spiker raised his head and looked up at the two teams that were staring at him in alarm. His expression was stunned, as if he’d just realized that he was sitting in a room full of people. Beside him, Ukai was standing stock-still, arms half-extended towards him, mouth agape. Kageyama had no idea what to think. He felt as though his mind had ground to a halt along with his body.  
Suddenly, Hinata’s face collapsed into blind panic, and he sprung to his feet, hesitating for only a moment before sprinting out the door. It took Kageyama several seconds to register that his own legs were carrying him towards the door as well, following his teammate on instinct. His body, it seemed, was the first to regain its senses.  
“ _Hinata!_ ” he shouted as he leapt outside, whipping his head around for an instant before spotting the spiker sprinting towards the hill to his right. “Hinata!” He took off after him again, his mind still struggling to catch up. The redhead’s gait was clumsy, stumbling on the uneven ground. It only took Kageyama thirty seconds to catch up with him, partway down the hill.  
“Hinata!”  
Kageyama reached out and grabbed Hinata’s wrist, bracing his legs against the snow to keep from toppling over. His teammate struggled for only a moment to pull his arm away, before giving up and planting both feet on the ground. He was still turned away from Kageyama, though the setter could make out the side of his mouth and the clouds of cold vapor billowing from it as he panted. His shoulders heaved with each breath.  
“What’s going on?” Kageyama demanded more quietly, anxiety swirling in his chest. Hinata didn’t respond. He narrowed his eyes and tightened his grip on the spiker’s wrist. “I won’t let you go until you tell me what’s happening!” Another silence.  
Suddenly, Hinata sank to the ground again, pulling Kageyama down with him. The setter gasped in surprise, but maintained his grip, crouching on his knees in front of his teammate, who was still facing away. The spiker’s shoulders were shaking for a different reason now. He could see his teeth gritting, his cheeks glistening with fresh tears.  
“Hinata! Answer me!” Kageyama bit his lip and clenched his free hand into a fist. He shook his teammate’s arm.  
And then Hinata was hugging him. He stared in shock at the suddenly empty space in front of him, tangled locks of the spiker’s bright orange hair barely visible at the bottom of his vision. He could feel Hinata’s hands clutching the back of his jersey, his forehead pressed into his chest. And he could feel his teammate’s body shaking with sobs. Everything ground to a halt again.  
_Always keep in mind the condition of your spikers._  
He breathed out slowly, forcing his mind to work again. Hinata was his teammate, his partner. It was his job to make sure he was okay. Slowly, he raised his arms and wrapped them awkwardly around the little redhead’s body, feeling it shudder with every breath.  
“I-it’s okay,” he managed. His voice was trembling, and weak. He tried again. “It’s okay.” He was reminded suddenly of the last time he’d held Hinata like this, when he was crumpled and unconscious on the gym floor. The fear he’d felt back then, the panic of not knowing what to do, flashed through his mind again. He held his partner tighter.  
“It’ll be okay.” He felt Hinata press even harder into his chest.  
He’d just wanted things to go back to normal. After hearing that Natsu was recovering, he’d expected Hinata to just bounce back from this, like he always did. And sometimes, it seemed as though he had. Kageyama felt as if he hadn’t understood anything for two weeks. He slowly rubbed the spiker’s back. Maybe this was all he could do.  
And then, just as suddenly as he’d hugged him, Hinata pushed away. Kageyama watched, frozen again, as the redhead wiped an arm across his eyes before staring down at the ground, his tear-streaked face tinged with embarrassment.  
“...Sorry,” Hinata muttered. The setter opened his mouth to respond, but couldn’t find the words. He was still searching when he heard the crunch of snow behind them, and turned to see Takeda standing over them, a calm smile on his face.  
“Hinata-kun,” he said softly. “Your mother’s on her way. Why don’t you come with me and get cleaned up?” Kageyama turned again to see Hinata nodding, still avoiding eye contact. The redhead planted his hands on the snow and slowly pushed himself to his feet, swaying slightly as he stood. The setter stood, too, suddenly aware of the cold biting through his tear-stained jersey. He watched his partner pass him and approach Takeda, who looked at Kageyama with a gentle, almost apologetic expression.  
“Thank you, Kageyama-kun,” he said. “Just head back to the gym for now.”  
“Y-yeah,” the setter stuttered back, nodding a bit too violently.  
With that, Takeda turned and put a hand around Hinata’s back, walking him towards the main school building. Kageyama stood still for a while as he watched them disappear over the top of the hill, unable to even begin to understand the cocktail of emotions swirling in his chest. Eventually, he decided to just hope that, whatever was going on, he’d managed to help at least a little.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please read the end notes for this one boyyyyssss

“Now. I’ve heard a little bit about your situation from your mother, but I’d like to hear a bit from you, too. Is that okay?”  
Hinata fidgeted in his chair, glancing nervously around the room. It was more spacious than Natsu’s room in the hospital, but only barely, and was furnished in shades of brown and dark gray rather than blue and white. The chairs were much comfier, too, and the multiple windows cut into almost every wall let in far more light. Still, as his gaze rested on the psychiatrist in front of him, an old, cleanly dressed woman with youthful gray eyes who’d introduced herself as Dr. Nakajima, he couldn’t help but feel even more restless than he usually did in the hospital.  
“Y-yeah, that’s fine,” he responded, trying to sit up straighter. She smiled, her crow’s feet wrinkling even further.  
“Okay. Can you tell me if you’ve experienced any particularly stressful events recently?” He looked down at the carpeted floor again, swinging his legs in his chair.  
“U-um, yeah. My sister…. My sister was in an accident.”  
_It was his fault._  
He breathed in deeply, trying to collect himself. He’d given up on trying to reason with the voices, and they weren’t too bad right now, anyway. Dr. Nakajima nodded and jotted something down on a notepad.  
“I’m sorry to hear that. How is she doing?”  
“Sh-she’s okay. She’s getting better and waking up and stuff. It was really scary for a few days, though.”  
“I can imagine,” the psychiatrist responded. “That must’ve been difficult for you. How long ago was this?”  
“A couple of weeks.” She nodded again and continued writing. He took another deep, slow breath, and noticed that the room smelled a bit like vanilla. His feet gradually slowed to a halt. He met her gaze when she looked back up.  
“And you’ve been experiencing auditory hallucinations?”  
_Audit… ory?_ He tilted his head in confusion, and she pointed to her ear.  
“Voices and noises.”  
“Oh. Yeah. Mostly voices.”  
“How often would you say this happens?”  
“I don’t know. Maybe… a couple times a day?”  
“Are you hearing anything right now?”  
_What is he even doing here?_  
He straightened, pursed his lips in irritation, and glared out the window.  
“...Yeah.” Glancing back over at the doctor, he watched her expression anxiously for that familiar look of shock and unease. Instead, it remained calm and unbothered as she nodded again. When she looked back up at him, he recognized a glint of kindness in her eye.  
“Okay. Let me know if you need me to repeat anything.”  
“Y-yes, ma’am.”  
“How many voices do you hear?” He leaned forwards, clutching at the arms of his chair.  
“There’re three of them,” he responded with a frown. “The nicest one is this guy who tells me to take care of myself and go to sleep and stuff. He’s not too loud, usually.” Dr. Nakajima continued nodding attentively and writing, and he found himself chattering away energetically. “Then there’s this awful lady who screams at me all the time to check doors and windows like there’s gonna be a murderer there or something. She never shuts up even if I do it. She’s super loud, all the time. But the one I hear right now is this super mean guy who swears at me and tells me I’m hurting people. He’s the worst.” He leaned back with an explosive sigh and crossed his arms. There was a brief silence as the doctor finished scribbling and looked back up at him.  
“Okay. We can talk about that more later, but for now I’m just going to ask some basic questions. Do you ever have any visual hallucinations- that is, do you ever see anything that’s not there?” He nodded vigorously.  
“Yeah! There’s these super annoying headlights that go by my window sometimes when I’m trying to sleep. And even worse, when I’m playing volleyball, sometimes I see balls and blockers and spikers that aren’t real. It really sucks.” She looked up at him quickly, her eyes glinting.  
“Do your hallucinations get worse when you play volleyball?” He blinked.  
“U-um… yeah, I guess. It makes it really hard.”  
“I’m sorry.” She breathed in and sat up in her desk, setting her pen down. “I’m going to do everything I can to help you. One last question: how long have you been experiencing these hallucinations?” He tilted his head to the side and scrunched up his face, thinking for a moment.  
_He’s crazy._  
“I think… about a couple of weeks?”  
Dr. Nakajima nodded more firmly than before, and picked up her pen to jot down a short note. Hinata couldn’t help but straighten in his seat to try to peer at what she was writing. He leaned back quickly as she turned to address him again.  
“Okay, Shoyo.” Her smile had returned, and her gaze had lost its previous intensity. “I’m going to go call your mother back in, so please just wait here.”  
“Okay.”  
He waited until she’d crossed the room and leaned forwards, trying to make out the writing on her notepad. It was no use; her handwriting was slanted and scribbled, nothing at all like her neat, dignified appearance. _Wha- is that even Japanese?_ He jumped back into his seat as he heard the door close, looking up to see Dr. Nakajima walking over, followed by his mother. If either of them had noticed what he was doing, they didn’t say anything. His mother smiled at him and sat down in the chair next to his, and he looked away as he noticed the red rimming her eyes.  
_Look at him. Still hurting people._  
“Alright,” the psychiatrist began as she sat. “From what I’ve heard from both of you, it sounds as though Shoyo is suffering from schizophrenia- most likely undifferentiated schizophrenia.” Hinata stared blankly at her, the long words sliding off his ears like oil and water. Beside him, however, his mother breathed in sharply and nodded. Dr. Nakajima turned to look at her. “Do you have any family history of schizophrenia?” Hinata looked at her, too, and to his surprise, she nodded again.  
“Yes. My father was schizophrenic for half his life.”  
“Seriously?” he asked, his eyes wide. _I didn’t really get to know him, but he never seemed like he had sch- split- whatever it is._  
“Yeah,” his mother responded. “He was diagnosed when I was a teenager.”  
“I see.” They both looked back at Dr. Nakajima as she spoke. “Then you’re already pretty familiar with the symptoms.” The psychiatrist then faced Hinata. “Schizophrenia is a condition with a variety of symptoms, but the most common ones include hallucinations - experiencing things that aren’t real - and delusions - odd thought patterns that are detached from reality. There are others, but you seem to be experiencing mainly visual and auditory hallucinations.”  
“O-okay,” he replied, blinking. His brain fought to keep up.  
_He’s so stupid._  
“We don’t understand it fully, yet, but we do know that there are risk factors that can make you more likely to develop it. In this case, it seems to be genetic - schizophrenia runs in your family.”  
“So I got it from Grandad?” he asked. She hummed.  
“Yes and no. Since it runs in your family, you were at risk for it, but what actually triggered it, or caused your symptoms to appear, was the stress you experienced from your sister’s accident.”  
“Ah.” He leaned back, processing her words. His mother remained sitting straight up in her seat, her fists clenched in her lap. Dr. Nakajima’s eyebrows shot up as she continued.  
“The good news is that, when schizophrenia comes on suddenly like this, it’s usually much easier to treat. When it develops gradually, it doesn’t respond as well to therapy.” Hinata’s mother nodded.  
“That’s what it was like for Dad. It showed up when I was still pretty young, and got worse and worse.”  
“Is mine gonna get worse?” Hinata asked, suddenly apprehensive. The psychiatrist smiled reassuringly.  
“Probably not. Like I said, in your case, your latent- er, undeveloped condition was triggered suddenly by a stressful event. As long as you’re receiving treatment, your symptoms should get better.”  
“So you can make these stupid voices shut up?” he asked, sitting up straight again. She laughed quietly.  
“Hopefully.” Her smile faded a bit, and she sat back in her plush leather chair, turning to Hinata’s mother. “I’m a bit hesitant to put him on medication, because he’s so young. I think the best course of action would be to have one-on-one therapy sessions, and for him to avoid stressful situations that might trigger his symptoms.” She regarded Hinata seriously. “Which means you should probably give volleyball a break for a bit.”  
_...What?_  
Out of the corner of his eye, Hinata saw his mother stiffen. His own brain seemed to stop working, and he played Dr. Nakajima’s words again in his head. He felt his face freeze into a half-smile, and he stared at the psychiatrist unblinkingly.  
“Um.” The doctor returned his gaze as he spoke, looking a bit taken aback. “I don’t really get it, but I can’t stop playing volleyball.” Her brow furrowed, her expression breaking into a confused smile.  
“It’ll only be for a little while, until we can work out some coping mechanisms for stress. Probably only a couple of weeks.”  
_He’s too stupid to listen._  
 _I can’t do that._ He opened his mouth to speak, but his mother spoke first.  
“Um, I-I’m sorry.” Dr. Nakajima’s gaze switched over to her. “But volleyball really means a lot to Shoyo. His team is going to nationals in a little over a month, a-and he’s been working really hard at this for a long time, especially the past year. If there’s any way for him to keep playing….” Hinata watched as the psychiatrist let out a long breath and smiled again.  
“Nationals,” she repeated, looking at him. “That’s really impressive.”  
“O-oh, yeah.” He scratched at the back of his head, his cheeks heating up. “Thanks.”  
“If it’s that important to you, I agree that you should try to keep playing.” He and his mother simultaneously sighed in relief and relaxed in their chairs. “I think we should just go ahead with the verbal therapy, so that you can cope better when you get stressed.” Suddenly, she leaned forwards, and the glimmer of solemnity returned to the gray in her eyes. “But if that isn’t working, we’ll have to try something else. Okay?” Hinata suppressed a shiver, and exchanged a quick glance with his mother, who nodded.  
“O-okay,” he agreed. _So I just have to not get stressed. That’s easy. I can do that._  
“I think that wraps things up for now, then.” Dr. Nakajima’s smile returned, and she sat up. “Unless either of you have any more questions, we can go ahead and schedule another session.” Neither of them spoke, and the doctor continued. “I would like to see you again next weekend, just to check in and make sure you’re doing well. Until then, try to research some coping mechanisms for stress, and stay as calm as you can. I know it’s easier said than done, but even basic breathing techniques can help, and I’ll be able to help you out more next week.” She stood, and Hinata and his mother followed suit.  
“Thank you so much, doctor,” his mother said with a deep bow.  
“Th-thanks!” he echoed with a short bow of his own.  
“Of course. You can officially schedule another session with the receptionist down the hall, to your right.”  
By the time they reached the space in the parking lot where their blue car was parked, the voice in Hinata’s head had shut up completely, and he was free to process everything the doctor had said. He opened the door to the passenger’s side and stepped inside as his mother did the same on the driver’s side. He turned to her as she entered, curiosity burning in his brain.  
“So Grandpa really had scissor- sp-....” He trailed off, pouting in frustration. She laughed.  
“Schizophrenia? Yeah.” He stared at her in amazement.  
“And he still had a normal life and kids and stuff?” She looked back at him, still smiling even as her expression shifted into something sadder.  
“Yes. He was on medication.”  
_Oh._  
“So am I gonna have to take medicine?”  
“...I don’t know. He had to, but I think that yours is different.” He huffed determinedly, clenching his fists in the air.  
“If I have to get better to play volleyball, I’ll just have to not get stressed.” She laughed again.  
“You’re right, Shoyo. I know you’ll do anything for volleyball.” She reached out and ruffled his hair. “And I know you’ll be okay.” There was a brief silence, and he studied her weak smile and the fading red rims under her eyes.  
“...But what about you, Mom? Are you okay?”  
She blinked in surprise, and then tried to smile again, but tears were already forming in her eyes. He heard her voice rasping in her throat as she struggled to respond, before she gave up, allowing the tears to stream down her face as her expression collapsed. She leaned across the cupholders and embraced him tightly, her chin resting on his shoulder. He hugged her back and was surprised to realize his own eyes were dry. _I think… it’s finally her turn to cry._  
“...I’m sorry,” he said after a silence, broken only by the sound of his mother’s sobs. She pulled back suddenly, taking his face in her hands and staring at him with that same steely expression she’d worn in the hospital.  
“Don’t apologize.” The words were whispered, but fierce. “No matter what happens, no matter what you want to do, I’ll support you. But don’t you ever, _ever_ apologize.” She hugged him one final time, and he fought the instinctive urge to apologize again.  
“...Okay,” he agreed quietly, instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do know how psychiatrists work
> 
> ALSO  
> So at this point I think it's probably pretty obvious that this fic is gonna be based around Hinata suffering from schizophrenia. I'm gonna try to portray it as realistically and respectfully as I can, but all my knowledge is coming from one (1) psychology course and my own independent research, so I apologize for anything I get wrong. Also, when characters (or voices) refer to Hinata as 'crazy', I just wanna say that those characters are being hecka ableist and are usually coming from a place of malice or ignorance. People with schizophrenia are normal people who are just suffering from a mental condition.
> 
> ok psa over lemme hop down from my soap box


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh by the way this fic probably doesn't fit into the timeframe of the actual show but I don't care I'm a bad boy I do what I want

Hinata hesitated at the gym entrance, hand half-extended to open the door. He could hear Ukai speaking to the team inside, his voice as steady and authoritative as usual, though he couldn’t make out the words. It had been two days since he’d heard that voice. _Last time he tried to talk to me, I couldn’t even hear it._  
He gulped and summoned up his courage. He’d managed to get almost eight hours of sleep the night before by using one of the meditation techniques he and his mom had looked up, and not attending classes today had certainly kept his stress levels down. Instead, he’d visited Natsu, and listened apprehensively as his mom told her about his diagnosis. Of course, she’d taken a moment to understand, but when she did, she shrugged it off as easily as she shrugged off her own condition.  
“That won’t stop you, Shoyo,” she’d said. “You and volleyball are basically married.”  
He smiled a bit at the memory, feeling a warm glow in his chest despite the cold. He looked back up in determination and grasped the door firmly, throwing it open and stepping through. Inside, the team was sitting on the floor in a semicircle around Ukai, Takeda, and the managers, all of whom turned to look at him as he entered. He paused for only a moment before continuing to walk towards them, avoiding their gazes and trying not to let his confidence waver.  
“Hinata!” Ukai called out, jogging forwards to meet him halfway. As he stopped in front of him, his voice lowered. “I heard about your diagnosis.” Hinata nodded, and the coach continued with a look of faint concern. “Are you sure you’re okay to be here?”  
“Yes.” He stared back unflinchingly, and Ukai sighed with a slight smile that faded after a moment.  
“Do you want to tell them?” he asked, gesturing subtly at the team. “I can, if you want me to.” Hinata swallowed hard as he peered past the coach to see everyone still staring at him with varying degrees of concern. Even Tsukishima was looking at him, though his expression looked thoroughly unaffected. He took a deep breath and looked back at Ukai. _I gotta do it myself, this time._  
“I’ll tell them.”  
“Okay. If you’re sure.”  
Hinata passed the coach and marched right into the middle of the semicircle next to Takeda, putting his hands on his hips and widening his stance in an attempt to force out every ounce of bravery. Fourteen sets of eyes all bore into him, and he decided to switch his gaze between Sugawara and Yamaguchi. _They’re the only ones who don’t look scary._  
“I went to this doctor lady,” he started brilliantly, “and she told me I have spitsophrenia.” Twenty-eight eyes all looked at him in shock, and one golden set looked particularly bemused.  
“Um.” Tsukishima furrowed his brow. “Do you mean schizophrenia?”  
_Ack! And I practiced it so many times!_  
“Y-yeah, that!” he replied. “It makes me keep hearing all these stupid voices that won’t shut up. And I keep seeing volleyballs and players that aren’t real, so that’s why it’s been hard.” He spotted Tanaka’s expression in the crowd as it collapsed into one of sadness and sympathy. He huffed. “But the doctor said that all that stuff only happens ‘cause of stress. So if I don’t get stressed, I can still play!”  
Daichi and Sugawara exchanged glances, and Asahi’s face had uncertainty written all over it. Most of the second-years looked as though they didn’t know what to think, and Yamaguchi’s eyes were shining with the same concern they’d contained when he first came back to class a few days ago. He even detected a hint of conflict on Tsukishima’s face. Silence began to settle over the entire team.  
“Hell yeah, Shoyo!” Nishinoya shouted suddenly, springing to his feet and shattering that silence in one fell swoop. He grinned and pumped his fist. “There’s no way splitsofriendia is gonna keep you down!” Tsukishima’s face blanched, and Yamaguchi couldn’t contain a snicker.  
“Yeah!” Hinata shouted, grinning back. The two of them shared a brief moment before Hinata’s gaze strayed over Nishinoya’s shoulder, and he noticed Kageyama staring at him. The setter’s brow wasn’t furrowed, his expression missing its usual glare. Instead, he looked as though he was simply studying him, lost in thought.  
“Oi, Kageyama,” Hinata called out. Kageyama jumped, blinking rapidly. “Why are you staring at me like a creep?” The setter’s eyes widened in indignation, and then the familiar glare returned.  
“ _Huh?_ ” Hinata let out a squeak of fear and shrank back, arms raised defensively.  
“N-nothing! Nevermind!” This time, the third-years laughed along with Yamaguchi, and Hinata could swear that for a split second, he saw a tiny smile appear on Tsukishima’s face. _Woah!_ _No one would ever believe me if I told them!_  
“Alright, alright.” Hinata turned to see Ukai returning to the center of the semicircle, and he stepped back to stand beside Nishinoya. “Now that our ultimate decoy is back, why don’t we start practice?”  
“Yeah!” Hinata shouted along with the rest of the team, unable to contain his excitement.  
For the first time in a long time, he played well all day, and the only voices he heard were the proud compliments of his teammates. And Kageyama yelling at him, from time to time.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha ha surprise these chapters be short so I'm posting them consecutively

Tsukishima watched as Hinata ran forwards to spike one of Kageyama’s tosses and whiffed, falling back to the linoleum with a frustrated groan. The resolve he’d shown the previous week seemed to have vanished completely, though he was obviously still trying. Tsukishima let out a quiet sigh.  
“What was _that?_ ” Kageyama demanded roughly across the court. Hinata turned, and the two of them glared at each other.  
“It’s no fair!” Hinata whined. “There were two of them!”  
“Well, hit the higher one, dumbass! Then you’ll at least touch the real one with your arm!”  
They continued bickering, and Tsukishima sighed again as he saw Yamaguchi coming up beside him with a faint smile on his face.  
“It’s kind of relieving that Hinata can talk about it so openly like that,” his friend remarked. “And that Kageyama still yells at him like normal.” Tsukishima huffed and raised his towel to the back of his neck.  
“Yeah. Unfortunately, they’re still just as annoying as before.” Yamaguchi snickered, and he lowered the towel before continuing. “But if Hinata isn’t able to figure something out before nationals, Karasuno’s going to be in trouble.” His friend’s face fell, and they silently watched as Tanaka ran over and tried to wrangle the freak duo into behaving. “Things were already hard enough for Hinata because of his height, and now he has to deal with this, too.”  
Tsukishima blinked as Yamaguchi turned to stare at him, brow furrowed in an unreadable expression. He met his friend’s gaze with a frown.  
“Wh- _ack!_ ”  
He shouted in pain and surprise as he felt a karate chop land on the top of his head, and turned, rubbing his scalp, to stare indignantly at the culprit. Sugawara looked up at him, his hands on his hips and his eyes narrowed in a disappointed look that reminded Tsukishima of his mother.  
“How long are you two planning on slacking off?” the vice captain asked loftily. Tsukishima glanced to the side.  
“Sorry, Sugawara-san!” Yamaguchi yelped, whispering to Tsukishima as he scuttled past. “Tsukki, is your head okay?”  
“It’s fine, Yamaguchi,” he grumbled, still trying to avoid Sugawara’s stern gaze. He turned and set down his water bottle and towel, before jogging back onto the court.  
As he passed, he couldn’t help but cast another glance at Hinata, who was backing up in preparation for another spike.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> buckle up boys

Hinata struggled to make sense of his math teacher’s words, numbers and letters bouncing around meaninglessly in his head as he copied down whatever she wrote on the board. He groaned helplessly. Even though they were in the same class, he knew there was no chance that Tsukishima could ever be convinced to help him study again, and Kageyama was even stupider than him. He resolved to just ask Yamaguchi or Yachi to help him later, or maybe even one of the third-years. _Sugawara-san’s pretty smart, right? Maybe-_  
Suddenly, his phone rang in his jacket pocket. He jumped and glanced at the teacher fearfully, before pulling it out to silence it. As he looked down, however, he realized the call was from his mother. His chest filled with apprehension. He stood straight up, his chair screeching behind him with the force of his movement.  
“Um, can I take this call? It’s from my mom,” he practically shouted. The teacher turned from the board with a bemused expression, and everyone else in the class turned to look at him.  
“Uh, sure,” she responded, blinking rapidly. “Hurry back.”  
He bowed quickly and rushed out of the classroom, snapping the phone open and holding it to his face.  
“Mom? What’s going on?”  
“...Shoyo?”  
His breath caught in his throat. The audio was full of static, but he could tell that his mother’s voice was choked with tears. He clutched the phone tighter. _Please._  
“Wh-what’s wrong?”  
There was another silence, during which Hinata could feel his body begin to tremble.  
“Shoyo, it’s-,” she broke off with a shuddering sob. “N-Natsu. Natsu’s….”  
_Please._  
“Mom?” His eyes brimmed with tears. “What’s wrong with Natsu?”  
“...She’s dead.”  
The world dropped beneath Hinata’s feet. His voice abandoned him. All he could do was stand there, holding his phone like a lifeline, listening to his mother’s heartbroken voice as she continued.  
“It happened s-suddenly, this morning. Th-they don’t know why.”  
_You fucking piece of shit! This is all your fault!_  
His eyes snapped wide. _No. This can’t be happening. This can’t-_  
_It’s not his fault! Stop shouting!_  
_She’s lying to you!_  
He had to say something to his mother. He didn’t even know if she was still talking.  
“Okay, Mom,” he forced out in a monotone. “I’ll-,”  
_Shut the fuck up! Do you even care?_  
“-t-talk to my teacher.”  
_Don’t! Just run!_  
He gave up on trying to hear if his mother said anything more, and snapped the phone shut.  
_It’s gonna be okay._  
_She can’t be. She can’t be. She can’t-_  
_This is your fault!_  
He let the phone drop to the floor with an inaudible clatter and clutched at his head. Natsu. His little sister, who loved him so much, who never blamed him once, who believed in him with all her heart. A thousand memories flashed through his head all at once. The hallway swam around him.  
_She’s dead._  
_You fucking killed her!_  
_He didn’t-_  
_You killed your own sister!_  
_Run!_  
His legs were carrying him past the doorway of his classroom, towards the stairwell, towards the roof.  
_She’s dead, and it’s my fault._


	14. Chapter 14

Kageyama glanced up as he heard a clatter from outside the classroom, beyond the closed door. He noticed several other heads turning at the sound, and switched his gaze to the teacher, who had stopped lecturing and was gazing uncertainly around the class. The students broke into whispers, and finally, the teacher’s gaze settled on Tsukishima in the front row.  
“T-Tsukishima, would you go check on Hinata?” she asked, and the tall blonde sighed.  
“Yes, ma’am.” Kageyama watched as he stood with his hands in his pockets and ambled out of the classroom, shutting the door behind him. The class grew even louder.  
“Okay, okay, settle down.”  
Kageyama continued staring at the door, waiting for Tsukishima to return with Hinata in tow. It remained closed. His legs began bouncing rapidly under his desk, and he clutched his pen in his hand. He barely even registered the sound of the teacher trying uselessly to regain control of the class. Suddenly, he felt a rush of urgency, and his hand shot straight up as he turned in his desk.  
“Excuse me!” he shouted at the teacher. “May I please use the restroom?” She stared at him incredulously, fidgeting with the marker in her hands.  
“U-um… sure?”  
“Thank you!”  
Ignoring the snickers of his classmates, he sprang out of his desk and all but ran out of the classroom, glancing down the hallway both ways. Hinata was nowhere to be seen, but to his shock, he could see Tsukishima running down the hall to his left, rounding the corner before he could react. The anxiety swirling in his chest became almost unbearable. He took off after his classmate, catching up with him halfway up the second-floor stairwell.  
“Tsukishima!” he called out. The blonde stopped and whirled around, and Kageyama flinched at his deadly serious expression. “Wh-where’s Hinata? What’s going on?”  
“I don’t know,” Tsukishima responded, panting slightly, “but I want to be sure.” He paused for only half a second, before stepping down a stair towards Kageyama and shoving a phone into his chest. Kageyama caught it as it fell. “Here. Take this, and go up to the roof.” With that, his classmate started back up the stairs and turned right at the top, before turning around one final time. “And fucking hurry!”  
Kageyama breathed in sharply, wide-eyed, and hesitated for only a second before running up the stairs, past the third floor. As he passed the fourth, he couldn’t help but glance down at the phone in his hands. It was Hinata’s, and it was displaying his recent calls screen. The most recent was from his mother.  
He slammed open the door to the roof, and his heart stopped in his chest.  
A small redhead was standing on the ledge at the edge of the roof, the freezing wind billowing his jacket and sweatpants. His back was turned, but it was unmistakably Hinata, and from the way he was standing, his intentions were just as unmistakable. Gritting his teeth, Kageyama forced his legs to move, sprinting forwards as fast as they could take him. He froze in his tracks as Hinata turned, and felt something inside of him shatter.  
Hinata’s eyes were redder than he’d ever seen them, streaming with tears, and just as wild and empty as they’d been that moment before he collapsed in the gym. His fists were clenched, his teeth biting deep enough into his bottom lip to draw blood. He stared at Kageyama, who was suddenly stricken with a strange, desperate notion. He just wanted his partner back in his arms, safe, like he’d been on the hill that day.  
“H-,” His voice cracked, and he drew in a shuddering breath. “ _Hinata!_ ”  
“Kageyama.” The word was choked, almost too quiet for him to hear. “It’s all my fault.”  
“What are you talking about?” Kageyama felt cold tears flowing down his face as Hinata’s expression contorted with grief.  
“M-Mom called. Natsu’s d-dead,” he explained. The words seemed to physically hurt him as they passed from his lips. “And it’s all my fault.” Kageyama took a step forwards.  
“No, Hinata-,”  
He froze helplessly as he saw Hinata take a step back. Two more would take him off the edge of the roof. The setter felt as though he’d go blind with fear. Suddenly, a flash of yellow caught his eye, and he turned slightly to see Tsukishima crouched on the edge of the roof two dozen feet to Hinata’s left, slowly creeping towards him. Kageyama breathed in sharply, and then turned towards his partner with fresh resolve. Suddenly, there was a way out of this.  
“Nothing’s your fault, Hinata!” he cried. “Just listen! Your sister isn’t-,”  
“I can’t even _hear_ you, Kageyama!” Hinata screamed suddenly, fresh tears pouring down his face. “I can’t even hear you because of all these _stupid voices!_ ” He clutched a hand to his head and took another step back, just short of the open air behind him.  
“Hinata, _no!_ ” Kageyama screamed at the top of his lungs, reaching an arm out uselessly towards his partner.  
Another flash of yellow caught his eye. Tsukishima was now sprinting towards their teammate, feet landing precariously on the thin ledge as he rapidly closed the distance between them. Hinata turned and noticed him, eyes widening, a moment too late. Kageyama watched as Tsukishima wrapped his arms around their teammate and tackled him back onto the roof.  
The setter ran forwards. Tsukishima picked Hinata up and trapped his arms behind his back, turning him towards Kageyama as he approached. He fell to his knees in front of them and shoved Hinata’s phone into his face, the screen still set to his recent calls.  
“ _Look!_ ”


	15. Chapter 15

“ _Look!_ ”  
Kageyama’s shout broke through the voices. Hinata stared at the phone screen in front of him, struggling to understand what was happening, how he’d ended up on the ground, why he had even gone to the roof at all. It took him far too long to realize that the phone was his, though the hand that was holding it was trembling violently. It was displaying his recent calls.  
The most recent was from his mother, from two days ago.  
“You fucking idiot.” Behind him, Tsukishima’s voice was low, and he was clearly speaking through gritted teeth. “Your sister isn’t dead. Your mother didn’t call you. You hallucinated it.” Hinata stared, stunned into silence, as Kageyama’s arm lowered along with his phone. His voice was small as he forced himself to speak.  
“...Natsu’s a-alive…?”  
Kageyama nodded. Though his deep blue eyes were drowning in tears, his glare was more intense than Hinata had ever seen it.  
“Yes, you idiot,” Tsukishima snapped, “so will you stop trying to fucking kill yourself?”  
_Kill…?_  
The words slammed against Hinata’s brain like a bullet train. This time, he couldn’t bring himself to speak at all, still struggling to understand anything about the situation. As he stared, Kageyama suddenly grimaced furiously, before looking down and dialing something on the phone’s keyboard.  
“You don’t believe us?” he hissed. “Here.” He shoved the phone towards Hinata, who felt Tsukishima slowly and cautiously let go of his arms. It took too much effort for him to reach out and take it, as though he was moving underwater. He raised it to his ear. It rang once.  
“Shoyo? Is everything okay?”  
This time, the audio was clear, and his mother’s voice was concerned, but not tearful. He scarcely dared to let himself hope.  
“...H-how’s Natsu?” he asked cautiously. To his surprise, her tone brightened as she answered.  
“She’s doing well. They let her walk around the courtyard for the first time today, so she’s been bouncing off the walls about that.” She chuckled, and then her voice grew serious again. “But what’s wrong, honey? Why’d you call me?”  
_She’s alive. Natsu’s alive._  
“I….” Tears filled his eyes. “I d-don’t feel very good. C-can I come h-home?”  
“Of course, Shoyo,” she said, her words packed with worry. “I’m at the hospital right now. It’ll only take me a few minutes to drive over.”  
“Okay,” he breathed. He felt as though someone was strangling him. “...I love you.”  
“I love you too. I’ll see you in just a few minutes.” He heard the receiver click as his mother hung up.  
“Happy?” Tsukushima asked. Hinata turned towards him.  
“...Yeah.”  
“... _Shit._ ” Tsukishima let out a shaky breath and leaned back against the roof ledge, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. He sat motionlessly for a moment, biting his lip with his eyes shut tight. Hinata looked away to see Kageyama sitting in front of him, an arm held over his eyes.  
“Hinata, you _dumbass._ ” His voice was shaking, and watery. “Don’t you _ever_ do anything like that _ever_ again.” Suddenly, the full realization of what had just happened washed over Hinata.  
_I really almost…_  
He almost killed himself. He almost did that to his friends and teammates, and worse, he almost died and left Natsu heartbroken, never knowing why he’d done it. Even if it hadn’t been a hallucination, even if his little sister really was dead, he would have left his mother all alone.  
“I-I’m sorry.” He was abruptly aware of the pain in his scraped hands and knees where Tsukishima had tackled him to the roof, and his lip, where he’d bitten into it without even realizing it. A desperate notion struck him.  
“D-don’t tell Ukai,” he blurted out, glancing from Kageyama to Tsukishima. The tall blonde lifted his hand and stared at him incredulously.  
“Are you fucking serious?” he asked, his tone scathing. Hinata flinched, and turned back to face Kageyama. The setter had lowered his arm, revealing his puffy eyes and tear-streaked cheeks, and was regarding him with an even expression.  
“Hinata-,”  
“Please!” he begged frantically. “Please, Kageyama. I-I couldn’t take it.” Kageyama returned his gaze, looking more exhausted than Hinata had ever seen him.  
“...Fine, Hinata. I promise.”  
Hinata breathed out shakily. For a moment, all three of them were silent. Then, he felt a strong hand wrap around his upper arm and pull him to his feet. It was Tsukishima’s, and he realized with a start that it was trembling, along with the tall blonde's breath. Another wave of guilt washed over him. He looked up at his teammate as they stood.  
“...Tsukishima, I’m really sorry.”  
Tsukishima looked down at him with an expression that was sad and scared and furious all at the same time. His golden eyes were swimming with emotion, and for a moment, Hinata was certain that his teammate was about to hug him or punch him in the face. Instead, Tsukishima looked away, wordlessly grabbing his wrist and pulling him towards the roof door. Behind them, Hinata heard Kageyama’s footsteps as he followed them into the stairwell.  
They only stopped once they reached the second story landing. Tsukishima looked straight over Hinata’s head and exchanged a glance with Kageyama, whose face was still tear-streaked and red.  
“...I’ll get his bag.” With that, Tsukishima let go of him, turned, and stalked off down the hallway towards their math classroom. His wrist was only free for a moment before Kageyama grabbed it, forcing him to keep going down the stairs. He studied the setter’s face with a deep sense of shame. _I didn’t even know Kageyama could look so sad._  
His partner pulled him down to the first floor, through the lobby, and out the main entrance of the school. Together, they stood silently at the gates, looking out at the empty road in front of them. Kageyama didn’t let go of his arm. Hinata didn’t know how much time passed before a bag was suddenly dropped at his feet, and he turned to see Tsukishima looking down at him. The moment their eyes met, the blonde turned on his heels and walked back towards the school. Kageyama didn’t follow him.  
Hinata looked up at his partner again. He was staring straight ahead, his expression grim, his entire body motionless.  
“I’m sorry.” It was all he could say. Kageyama continued staring ahead.  
“...I know.”  
Hinata bit his lip again, ignoring the pain that lanced through his mouth as he did so. A moment later, he stiffened in surprise as he felt Kageyama’s hand slide down his wrist and into his own, their fingers interlacing. Kageyama squeezed, hard. He ignored that pain, too. He watched silently as his mother’s car approached from down the road, and finally, his partner let go of him, turned, and walked away.  
Hinata lifted his hand numbly, massaging it with the other, and watched Kageyama disappear into the school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title: sike


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xD-Huwlg2kY  
> 1:27

A tone sounded over the intercom, signalling the start of lunch. Tsukishima remained at his desk as he heard the other students begin milling around the classroom, rubbing at his eyes with one hand. A minute passed as his mind raced. He was getting a headache.  
“...Tsukki?”  
The source of that hesitant voice could only be one person. He sighed and uncovered his eyes, looking up to see Yamaguchi standing over his desk with a deeply concerned expression.  
“Is everything okay?” his friend asked. He let his arm drop onto his desk with a thud.  
“...Yeah.” He knew he didn’t sound convincing. Yamaguchi nodded and, to his dismay, pulled up a chair to sit across from him. His head throbbed. If he wanted to be around anyone right now, it would be Yamaguchi. But he didn’t want to be around anyone.  
“Did you forget your lunch?” Yamaguchi asked, eyeing the empty desk. He pulled out his own lunchbox. “I can give you some of mine-,”  
“No. It’s fine.”  
A brief, tense silence settled over them. Tsukishima stared at the desk, but he could see his friend’s eyes studying every inch of his face. If it were anyone else, it wouldn’t have mattered, but Yamaguchi knew him too well. He could probably read his mind if he kept staring. The thought irritated him.  
“...I heard Hinata left. Does this have something-,”  
Tsukishima’s eyes had already widened at the mention of Hinata; his head had already snapped up, he was already shouting.  
“ _Drop it,_ Yamaguchi!”  
His friend stared at him in shock, and the few other students who had remained in the classroom turned to stare at them too. Tsukishima immediately felt a pang of guilt stabbing through him, and he breathed in shakily, staring back down at the desk. None of this was Yamaguchi’s fault. He knew that.  
“...Sorry,” he muttered.  
The shock faded from Yamaguchi’s expression, replaced with a look of sadness and worry. His voice was gentle as he spoke.  
“It’s okay, Tsukki. Is there anything I can do?”  
Tsukishima dragged a hand up his face and back down, settling it over his mouth, and shook his head, staring forwards blankly. He couldn’t meet his friend’s eye. He didn’t even try to.  
“Just give me some space. Please.”  
Yamaguchi nodded and picked up his lunchbox, replacing the chair he’d moved before walking out of the classroom. Tsukishima could feel the other students’ eyes on him, the tension in his head worsening. He sat still for a few minutes before standing mechanically, making his way to his English classroom, and sitting down again. He avoided Yamaguchi’s gaze when his friend walked in and sat down behind him. As the other students slowly filtered through the door and the teacher started class, he didn’t even pull out his notebook. He just stared, his thoughts running in circles, at Hinata’s empty desk.  
He spent half of class that way, replaying what had happened a few hours ago in an attempt to understand it better, or figure out what to do, or just take some of the horror out of everything. Just a month ago, the thought would have never occurred to him that Hinata, bright, annoyingly cheerful Hinata, would ever attempt suicide. But today, if he hadn’t thought to check the roof, if he’d been just a second slower, cheerful little Hinata would be dead.  
He sighed explosively. This was ridiculous. Hinata was unmedicated and unstable, and he couldn’t count on another miracle. Fortunately for him, ever since his teammate’s diagnosis, Ukai had started staying in the faculty office every day, around noon. He sat up and raised his hand.  
“Yes, Tsukishima?”  
“May I go speak to Coach Ukai?” he asked. He ignored the black blur of Kageyama turning to stare at him sharply from the row beside him. The teacher narrowed her eyes in exasperation.  
“Does it have to be right now? We’re in the middle of class.”  
“Yes.” His voice was unhesitating, and he returned her gaze with a look that he hoped conveyed his seriousness.  
“...Okay,” she relented. “But hurry back.” He turned to stand, and saw Kageyama leaning across the row, glaring at him half-angrily, half-fearfully.  
“What are you doing?” the setter hissed. He ignored him again, and began walking away. “Tsukishima!” He grimaced as he heard Kageyama call his name and quickened his pace before the teacher could stop him. His headache was even worse now, and for the second time that day, he found himself hurrying towards the stairwell. Unlike before, this time, he was taking it down to the first floor. But like before, he only made it halfway before Kageyama caught up to him on the landing.  
“Tsukishima!” he shouted, causing pain to shoot through Tsukishima’s temples. Breathing in deeply in a last-ditch attempt at composure, he stopped and turned his head to look at the black-haired setter.  
“ _What,_ Kageyama?” His teammate hesitated for a moment, gritting his teeth, before speaking.  
“We promised we wouldn’t tell him.”  
Tsukishima’s head throbbed again, and he exhaled violently, turning around completely.  
“No,” he snapped. “ _You_ promised you wouldn’t tell him.” Kageyama grimaced.  
“He’ll take him off the team if he finds out,” he protested. Tsukishima stared back at him incredulously, the stress of everything crashing down on him all at once. He lifted his chin and gave Kageyama the most scathing smile he could manage, contempt radiating from every inch of his being.  
“Oh, I see.” His voice dripped with scorn. “So the King is really so selfish that he’d sooner drive his subjects to suicide than let them leave the court.”  
Kageyama physically recoiled, his eyes wide and wounded. Tsukishima didn’t care. He turned to walk away again, but only managed a couple of steps before he felt his teammate’s hand forcefully grabbing his arm.  
“ _Stop!_ He won’t be able to play anymore!”  
“Who the _fuck_ cares?” Tsukishima snarled, whirling around.  
“ _Hinata_ cares!” Tsukishima blinked, taken aback by Kageyama’s words, and by the emotion swirling in his deep blue irises. “If I had to leave the court because of something like this, I….” The setter trailed off, staring miserably down at the floor. His voice was suddenly much weaker. “...I don’t know what I’d do.”  
Tsukishima regarded him silently for a moment, and every ounce of anger suddenly drained from his body, replaced with an overwhelming wave of exhaustion. He suddenly understood.  
“Ah, that’s right.” He smiled weakly. Kageyama looked back up at him. “I forgot you’re both monsters.” He breathed in deeply, trying to control the pain in his head, and fixed his teammate with an even stare. “Look. I understand how ridiculously important volleyball is to the two of you, but Hinata has been struggling for two weeks, and he clearly isn’t getting better. In fact, he’s getting much worse. And he can’t play volleyball if he’s dead.”  
Kageyama flinched again, his eyes glistening with pain. He bit his lip and nodded slowly, before letting go of Tsukishima’s arm. They stood still for a moment, and then Tsukishima turned and made his way down the remaining stairs towards the faculty office. By the time he reached the door, his headache had mostly dissipated, but he still didn’t feel prepared for the conversation he knew he was about to have. He pushed the door open anyway.  
Ukai was standing over Takeda’s cubicle on the other side of the room. The two of them were talking idly to each other, and it took a moment for them to notice Tsukishima as he approached. Ukai blinked in surprise, cutting himself off mid-sentence.  
“Um,” Tsukishima began. “Can I talk to you for a moment, Coach?”  
“S-sure,” Ukai responded, exchanging a glance with Takeda. “Everything okay?” Tsukishima glanced away. He couldn’t find the words to reply. After a brief silence, Ukai smiled awkwardly and pointed towards the room connected to the office’s right wall. “Wh-why don’t we go to the breakroom and talk in there?” Tsukishima nodded, bowing briefly to Takeda before following the coach into the room. Inside, three couches sat facing an ovular coffee table, and Ukai sat down on the one in the middle. Tsukishima took the corner of the couch to its left.  
“What is it, Tsukishima?” the coach asked. Tsukishima struggled to make eye contact, unsure of how to start now that he had to. His leg began to bounce restlessly against the cushion.  
“Um.” He took a deep breath. Maybe there was a way to help Hinata without breaking Kageyama’s promise. Maybe he didn’t have to tell Ukai everything, after all. “I don’t think Hinata should play for a while.” The coach’s eyes narrowed.  
“What makes you say that?”  
“I-I don’t think he’s doing well,” Tsukishima floundered. “I mean, mentally. He should take a break. I think.” Ukai regarded him for a moment, brow furrowed, and then sighed.  
“I understand why you’re worried. And honestly, I’m a little surprised. But if both his mother and his psychiatrist say it’s okay for him to keep playing, I think it might actually be bad for him to force him to take a break, especially with nationals coming up. It would be one thing if he was getting worse, but he seems to be doing okay to me.”  
Tsukishima sighed. Of course he wouldn’t be able to just dodge around it. The whole reason he came here, after all, was because he needed to tell someone. It would be pointless to stay silent now. He forced his leg to stay still, and looked Ukai directly in the eye.  
“A few hours ago, he tried to kill himself.”  
Ukai’s expression contorted in shock.  
“Wh-,”  
“He hallucinated his mother calling him to tell him his sister had died in the hospital. He went up to the roof and tried to jump, but me and Kageyama were there. We only barely stopped him.” He lowered his chin and narrowed his eyes even further. “He’s not okay.”  
Ukai leaned back, clasped a hand to his mouth, and nodded. His eyes were wide and his chest swelled as he took a deep breath in.  
“Did you tell the counselors?”  
Tsukishima looked away again.  
“...No. We haven’t told anyone yet.” Ukai nodded again and dropped his hand back into his lap.  
“Okay.” His voice had regained its steadiness, somewhat. “Don’t worry about any of that. I’ll handle everything from here.” He leaned forwards suddenly, his gaze solemn. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. ...Why don’t you and Kageyama call your parents and go home for the day?”  
Tsukishima hesitated for a moment, and then nodded. As the two of them stood, he couldn’t think of anything he wanted to do more than go home and lock himself in his room, where no one could see him break down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah  
> we're halfway there  
> woah  
> there is fluff I swear


	17. Chapter 17

It had taken a full hour for the final tear to drop from Hinata’s face and onto the desk in his bedroom, where he sat with his head in his arms. He stared with unfocused eyes at the slit of light between his forearms, listening idly to the faint sounds of his mother making lunch in the kitchen. It was overcast outside, and even dimmer in his room. He’d turned the light off.  
She hadn’t asked him why he needed to come home. When he got in the car, she simply regarded him with quiet concern and allowed him to stare silently out the window during the entire trip. She didn’t even mention the tears trickling constantly down his face. And to his relief, when he looked at her, she didn’t try to wear that fake smile that wrenched at his gut whenever he saw it. Now, he felt strangely calm, as though every emotion had been emptied from his mind. Even the voices were silent.  
It took him a moment to realize that the silence had extended to the outside world, too. He lifted his head and wiped away the moisture on his face, turning to stare at the bedroom door. A moment later, his mother knocked and creaked it open, holding a plate with two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on top. He watched as she set the plate down on his bedside table, before taking a seat on his mattress.  
“Hungry?”  
He thought for a moment, and then nodded. She shifted on the bed as he picked up one of the sandwiches and sat down beside her. Wordlessly, he stared off into space and ate it, bite by bite, faintly registering his mother’s eyes on him as he did so. After a few minutes, he swallowed the last of the sandwich, and lowered his head to stare at the floor.  
“...Why didn’t you tell me?”  
Hinata’s heart broke. He pressed his lips together and clenched the mattress in his hands.  
“I’m sorry.”  
His emotions came rushing back, all at once. He felt as though he’d been suspended on the edge of a hill, and that he’d started falling down again. He’d been doing nothing but climbing uphill repeatedly for the past month, only to lose his footing again and again at the top. He was so, so tired of crying. Tears slipped down his chin and landed on his sweatpants.  
“Look at me, Shoyo.”  
He did. His mother was crying, too, but she’d once again reinforced her gaze with steel.  
“I told you before,” she said. “Don’t ever apologize. Not for suffering.”  
He managed a nod, struggling to meet her stare. _But it’s my fault. You’re crying again, and it’s my fault._  
“If anything like that happens again, you call me, okay? Or get an adult to help you.”  
“...Okay.” He pressed his jacket sleeve up to his face and rubbed it forcefully against his eyes.  
“Shoyo, you’re going to have to take a break from volleyball for a while.”  
He whirled around to face her, eyes wide with horror.  
“No! I’ll do better, I promise!” He reached out and clutched at the long sleeve of her shirt in desperation. “Please, just don’t take me off the team…!” She was already shaking her head, taking a deep, shuddering breath as she met his frantic gaze with a torn expression.  
“It’s not your fault you’re struggling, honey.” His eyes darted around her pale face for any sign of compromise, and found nothing. “But we have to do something about this. You can’t go to school for a while. Not forever, just… a few weeks, maybe.”  
“But nationals are in just a month!” Her eyes brimmed again, and she reached out and stroked the back of Hinata’s head.  
“I know, Shoyo. I know. And I know how hard you’ve worked.” Her voice broke, and a sob wracked her throat before she could continue. “But it’s more important that you get better now so you can keep playing. Next year, and the rest of high school, and even after that.” He felt her fingers trembling as they ran through his hair, and he bit his lip. _I’m hurting her again. ...I can’t keep hurting her._  
“...Okay,” he whispered. His mother’s shoulders relaxed, and she let out a pent-up breath. There was a brief silence, and Hinata did his best to release the tension in his muscles.  
“I’m going to talk to Dr. Nakajima about starting medication,” she told him. He nodded, staring down at the floor miserably. _It won’t be in time. I won’t be able to play._ He glanced back up to see her smiling at him through her tears. “It’s going to be okay, Shoyo.” She stroked a lock of hair away from his forehead and leaned forwards to look him in the eye. “You know I love you, no matter what.”  
“I-,”  
Her earlier words flashed through his mind, and he cut off his own apology. He swallowed.  
“Th-thanks, Mom. For everything. ...I love you.”  
Her expression melted with painful fondness, and she reached behind him towards his bedside table. Wordlessly, she handed him the other peanut butter and jelly sandwich.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> baby chapter today boys so I'll post one tomorrow too

Hinata stared down at the little white tablets in his hand, trying to hide his disgust and work up the nerve to swallow them. They were perfectly round, with little meaningless numbers engraved on the surface, and they absolutely did not look fit for human consumption.  
“What’s that?”  
He glanced up as Natsu leaned across her bed to peer at the tablets, and he tilted his hand so she could see.  
“Dr. Nakajima gave me this medicine to take,” he explained, “so I gotta eat it now.” His brow furrowed in distaste. “They look gross, though.” His little sister stared at the pills in fascination, her eyes sparkling.  
“So it’s medicine for your brain?” Hinata nodded.  
“Yeah, I guess.”  
“What’s it called?” she asked, glancing back up at him. He looked at her helplessly. _Quep- quat…_  
“Uh… I think it starts with a q?” he offered, shrugging. She pointed at his face and snickered.  
“You’re so stupid, Shoyo.”  
“Hey! You can’t talk to your big brother that way!” He frowned at her indignantly, and then sighed as he looked back down at the medicine. _Mom always taught me not to put stuff in my mouth that wasn’t a toothbrush or food, and this stuff definitely doesn’t look like either of those._ Stifling his nerves, he brought his hand to his mouth and tilted his head back sharply, swallowing the pills dry. As soon as the last tablet passed into his throat, jabbing against it on the way down, he squeezed his eyes shut and stuck his tongue out.  
“ _Bleh!_ ” He heard Natsu giggle, and opened his eyes again to see her face lit up with laughter. He feigned an offended expression.  
“You can’t laugh at your big brother, either!”  
“But your face looks funny!”  
Even as he chided her, he couldn’t help but smile, and a rush of determination swept through him. He swallowed again to push the pills the rest of the way down. _I’m definitely gonna get better._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only squares drink water when they take their pills


	19. Chapter 19

Kageyama pushed his way through the crowded halls towards his English class, frowning stormily. He’d spent his lunch break practicing his serve, and he couldn’t help but feel irritated at the reminder of how morning practice had gone, and how, for that matter, all of Karasuno’s practices had gone for the past week. With Hinata missing, the holes in their offense were obvious, and even he wasn’t oblivious to the oppressive mood that seemed to have permanently settled over the gym. In fact, he felt as though he’d gotten better at sensing that sort of thing recently.  
The rest of the team, save for Tsukishima, didn’t know the details of what had happened the previous week. At first, Ukai had pushed him to take time off for the sake of his own mental health, but Kageyama refused adamantly, though he was more than happy to take the excuse to miss class. Even as he had attended volleyball practice each day, he’d felt the constant reminder buzzing in the back of his mind with every serve and spike that Hinata couldn’t experience this catharsis. To him, that fate seemed on par with starving to death. He clutched the strap of his bag tighter as the swirling feeling of anxiety in his chest grew worse. It hadn’t left since last week.  
He stepped into his English classroom and instinctively glanced over at Hinata’s desk, expecting to see the same empty chair he saw every day. Instead, he recognized the orange head of the spiker who hadn’t left his thoughts once in a full week, slumped over motionlessly on the desk. Frozen in the doorway, he blinked. Hinata was back. And he was already sleeping in class.  
Steeling himself, Kageyama took a step forwards and made his way over to his teammate’s desk. He hesitated for only a moment as he reached for the redhead’s shoulder, before grabbing it and shaking him firmly.  
“Oi.”  
Hinata stirred, lifting his head from his arms and blinking up at Kageyama groggily. The setter looked down at him with an incomprehensible mixture of emotions clogging his brain, unsure of what, if anything, to say. The redhead yawned and stretched, and then stared at him with an oddly blank expression.  
“...Are you better?” Kageyama demanded gruffly. He looked a bit better; the bags under his eyes were still present, but had faded significantly, and any hint of the tortured expressions his face had worn the last time he’d seen him were long since gone.  
“Mmm. Yeah,” Hinata replied sleepily, rubbing at his eye. “Kinda. Dr. Nakajima said my medicine’s working really fast, ‘cause I don’t have as many hallucinations.” Anxiety stabbed through Kageyama’s chest again, though he couldn’t identify what it was that bothered him, just that his partner seemed somehow off. He shoved the thought down and simply nodded.  
“Are you coming to volleyball practice?” he asked. Hinata’s face fell a bit.  
“Yeah, but I can’t play yet, so I’m just gonna watch.”  
He found himself waiting for his teammate to say something more, but he remained silent. After a moment, Kageyama forced himself to nod again, and turned to walk back to his seat. He took a few steps before he wavered and stopped. He turned his head back towards Hinata, but kept his eyes fixed pointedly on the floor.  
“...’m glad you’re back,” he mumbled. He dared to glance up for a moment, and saw his partner’s expression shift from surprise into an odd, sad smile. Now it was Hinata’s turn to look down at the floor.  
“...Yeah.”  
Kageyama stared at him for a moment, hesitating. The anxious feeling in his chest told him that something was wrong, but his mind couldn’t grasp what it was. He opened his mouth, maybe to say something, maybe to ask one of the thousand half-formed questions hovering in his thoughts.  
“Hinata!”  
He jumped and turned to see Yamaguchi rushing towards Hinata’s desk, his face lit with an overjoyed smile. As Kageyama stepped to the side to let him pass, he noticed Tsukishima standing in the doorway, frozen, staring at Hinata with his eyes widened slightly. And then the blonde’s expression returned to neutral, and he reached up to pull his headphones over his ears before walking straight to his desk. After another half-second, Kageyama let out a tiny sigh and made his way to his own seat.  
The rest of the day was almost normal, and for that reason, it felt even stranger than the days when Hinata was absent. Those days, Kageyama expected to be unnerved by the relative silence of practice, by his solitary walks to his classes and the uneasy quiet of lunch. The little redhead was stupid and obnoxious, and constantly got on every single one of his nerves, and he couldn’t understand why he missed that so badly, or why he sometimes woke up crying from nightmares where he watched him disappear over the edge of the school roof. And now Hinata was back, and he was so much quieter, and his smiles were thinner, and the boundless energy that used to define him had vanished almost entirely. And the day felt almost normal, but not quite, because Kageyama wasn’t sure what was normal for Hinata anymore.  
When the redhead walked into practice, he was immediately greeted by the enthusiastic shouts of Tanaka and Nishinoya, who bounded over to him in a matter of seconds. Kageyama glanced over as Hinata laughed and watched the second-years bounce around, but didn’t join them in their bout of energy. After a moment, Nishinoya fell back to the ground, the smile abruptly disappearing from his face. And then Daichi appeared behind them, his expression warm.  
“Welcome back, Hinata,” he greeted. “I know it might be hard, but don’t expect to jump straight into practice today. You’re just watching for now, alright?”  
“Okay,” Hinata responded simply. The captain looked a bit taken aback.  
“...I mean it. Don’t even try to play ball boy.” The redhead nodded again, and Daichi scratched the back of his head awkwardly before turning back to the rest of the team. “A-Alright. Let’s have a good practice match, everyone!”  
During the first set, Kageyama caught glimpses of Hinata helping Narita keep score. After around fifteen points, however, the redhead left the scoreboard to sit against the wall, watching blankly as they played. Kageyama distracted himself from the unease in the pit of his stomach by focusing intensely on the game, and, under ten minutes later, his team had won the set. Panting, he jogged over to the stage at the back of the gym and grabbed his water bottle, taking a few swigs before wiping his mouth with his hand and setting it down again. And then, of course, he couldn’t resist glancing over towards the bench again.  
Hinata was leaned against the wall of the gym, his arms folded over his knees, his head drooping downwards into them. As Kageyama watched, Yachi stood slowly from the bench and approached the little spiker, reaching out cautiously and shaking his shoulder gently. He lifted his head and peered blearily at the young manager before speaking. Kageyama couldn’t make out his words. As he continued to watch, Yachi crouched down and responded, a soft smile on her face, and the two of them spoke quietly for a few minutes. Finally, the little blonde laughed, stood, and walked back over to the bench. The moment her back was turned to Hinata, her lip began trembling, and her eyes brimmed with tears.  
Kageyama clenched his towel tightly in his fist. He didn’t understand this. Yachi sat back down on the bench and Kiyoko leaned towards her, speaking softly and cupping her hand in hers. He couldn’t help but think that, maybe, if he understood people like Kiyoko did, if he knew the right things to say at the right times, things would be better. He struggled to keep his own eyes dry as he watched Hinata’s head fall back down into his arms, and he found himself standing, once again, frozen and useless and incapable of wrapping his mind around anything. He wanted his partner back on the court. He knew him then.  
Ukai’s whistle sounded. He put down his towel and jogged back onto the court, alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact antipsychotics very rarely work this fast
> 
> also fun fact YACHI AND KIYOKO ARE BIG OL LESBIANS YOU C A N N O T CHANGE MY MIND


	20. Chapter 20

“...Sho _yo!_ ”  
Hinata’s eyes opened slowly at the sound of Natsu’s whine, and he lifted his head from where it had fallen down onto his chest. His little sister was glaring at him poutily, her hand still half-extended from where she had leaned over and shaken him awake. His mother sat in the corner of the room to his left, typing away on her laptop. He yawned and rubbed at his eyes.  
“...Sorry.”  
Natsu’s frown deepened, and the clacking sound of their mother’s keyboard stopped.  
“You’re so lazy, Shoyo,” his sister chided, leaning back. “You keep falling asleep all the time.”  
“Natsu….” Their mother’s voice trailed off, and she glanced between them with a troubled look in her eye.  
“I think it’s the medicine,” he explained flatly. Natsu pursed her lips.  
“Well, take different medicine, then.”  
He smiled at her, but felt something in his chest draining away the energy he would normally use to laugh. His sister’s frown disappeared as a silence fell over the room. After a moment, she leaned forwards once again and spoke.  
“Move your chair over here, Shoyo,” she demanded. He blinked.  
“Huh? Why?”  
“‘Cause I gotta tell you a secret,” she responded, her face splitting into a grin. He glanced at his mother uncertainly, to see her looking at the two of them with an eyebrow raised.  
“Oh? Something I can’t know?” Natsu grinned even wider.  
“Nope!” Their mother smiled amusedly.  
“Must be pretty juicy, then. I’d scoot closer if I were you, Shoyo.”  
He looked back at his sister curiously, but did as she said, moving his chair until he was sitting right next to Natsu’s bed. She glanced around and cupped her hand beside her mouth, leaning forwards to whisper in his ear. And then, suddenly, he felt her tiny fingers tickling his sides. He jumped.  
“H-hey!” he squeaked. She grinned evilly as she tickled him, right where she knew he was sensitive. He wrapped his arms around his torso to protect himself and laughed uncontrollably. “S-stop it! You can’t- _ack!_ You can’t trick your big brother!” She leaned back with a triumphant giggle and a self-satisfied smile. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw their mother watching fondly.  
“Ha, see!” Natsu chirped. “I knew you could still laugh!” He wiped the tears from his eyes and frowned at her indignantly.  
“That was evil.” He turned to his mother and pointed at his little sister. “Mom, you have to get her in trouble for being evil.” His mother tilted her head to the side in feigned obliviousness.  
“I’m sorry, Shoyo, but I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was busy working on my laptop.”  
“Were not!” he protested. Natsu giggled again, and another, warmer silence fell over the room. After a moment, his little sister’s smile faded a bit.  
“Hey, Shoyo?”  
“Hmm?”  
“Do good at practice today.” Her mischievous grin returned. “You’re prob’ly getting all soft and squishy from lazing around all the time, so you have to practice hard.”  
“You’re so mean to me,” he complained, wounded. “I am not squishy. And I always practice hard.”  
“We still have the car for another few weeks, so me and Natsu are coming to nationals,” their mother piped up. Hinata turned to look at her and smiled, trying to ignore the draining sensation returning to his chest.  
“Hey, Shoyo!” He looked back at his sister, whose fists were clenched enthusiastically under her chin. “You have to promise! Promise you’ll do good today.”  
“Yeah, yeah.” He leaned forwards and ruffled her hair. “I promise.”


	21. Chapter 21

“Hinata!”  
Hinata turned to see Ukai approaching him from the bench. He’d just entered the gym, and as usual, almost everyone was already there, practicing their serves. He watched idly as Nishinoya received one of Yamaguchi’s jump floaters.  
“How’ve you been doing, Hinata?” the coach asked, coming to a stop in front of him. He tilted his head and thought for a moment.  
“Dr. Nakajima says I’m doing good,” he replied. “She says the medicine’s working. I still hear voices and stuff sometimes, but not as much as before. And I haven’t seen anything.” Ukai nodded with a slight exhale.  
“That’s good to hear. So if you’re ready to practice today, we’re gonna have a three-on-three to get back into the swing of things. You, Tanaka, and Kageyama will be playing Daichi, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi.” He smiled as he spoke his next words. “I heard from Takeda that that’s the first real match you ever played at Karasuno.”  
Hinata nodded. He could feel the blankness on his own face. The coach’s smile faded, and he coughed into his fist.  
“W-well, let’s get started, then. Hopefully this’ll help you get used to your freak quick again.”  
Hinata nodded one final time, and watched as Ukai shouted to the other members to clear off the court and get ready to run laps around the gym, if they weren’t in the practice match. After one final jump serve, Kageyama remained on the court, panting only slightly as he wiped a hand across his forehead. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi moved to the other side of the net, Daichi following shortly afterwards, and Hinata stepped forwards, making his way to the black-haired setter’s side opposite Tanaka. He felt only a bit puzzled as his partner looked over at him with a strangely apprehensive expression.  
“...You better play well,” Kageyama grumbled simply after a moment. “I’m not losing to Tsukishima.”  
“Okay.”  
Hinata blinked as the setter looked away quickly, something like pain flashing in his eyes. He didn’t get it. He stepped into his position on the left side of the court and faced the other first-years on the other side, setting his stance based on muscle memory. Eventually, Ukai blew his whistle.  
He played fine. He could tell that things were different from before; the voices were silent, and he felt completely calm the whole time. Every mistake was his own, not the fault of some hallucinated volleyball or spiker, and mostly came about thanks to Daichi’s constant receives, Yamaguchi’s jump floaters, or Tsukishima’s persistent blocks and one-touches. Kageyama didn’t yell at him, and he felt completely calm. No disappointment shot through his body when he missed a receive, no exhilaration when they scored, not even a rush of satisfaction when he spiked the ball. And every time he landed back on the court, Kageyama looked at him like he was a stranger.  
They won. Ignoring the stunned expression on his partner’s face, Hinata made his way to the stage, where his water bottle was waiting. He felt tired, and sleepy. As he drank, he saw Daichi and Sugawara approaching from the edge of his vision. He lowered the bottle, and Sugawara slapped him on the back with a slightly awkward smile.  
“N-nice match, Hinata!” he said. “Man, it’s almost annoying that you’re still a bundle of speed and reflexes after a week-long hiatus.” Daichi chuckled slightly to his right.  
“Looks like we’ll be fine at nationals, after all,” the captain remarked, raising a towel to his neck.  
A single thought broke through the cloud in Hinata’s brain. _Nationals._ The word used to send thrills through his body, lighting a spark in his chest. Now, it sounded empty and meaningless. Suddenly, he saw his upperclassmen’s faces twist in alarm.  
“H-Hinata?” Sugawara stared at him in worry. “What’s wrong?”  
Puzzled, Hinata raised a hand to his face. When he pulled his fingers back, they were coated in glistening tears. He stared at them, dumbfounded.  
“I….” He looked back up at the third-years, blinking. More tears flowed down his cheeks. “I don’t know.” They watched him silently, brows furrowed, apparently lost for words. As he glanced from Sugawara to Daichi, he noticed a third person watching him from the other end of the stage.  
Kageyama’s expression was different. He looked exhausted, not the type of exhaustion that Hinata and his teammates always experienced after a match, but beaten down, his eyes dull and lifeless. They made eye contact, and Hinata felt a slight tug at his heart, a tug that barely found purchase. The setter looked away. All he could do was wish that he had the energy to reach out to him.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DEFINITELY READ THE END NOTES FOR THIS ONE BOYS

Hinata didn’t get it. He spent the next week attending volleyball practice every morning and afternoon, and he didn’t get it anymore. At night, he stared at the volleyball sitting untouched in the corner of his bedroom, looking between it and his empty palm. He still remembered how he used to feel whenever he landed a spike, how the thought of going up against strong players used to frighten and excite him both at the same time. He was aware that nationals were in only two weeks. The thought meant nothing to him, and that upset him more than anything else. He could tell what he’d become from his teammates’ stares.  
Kageyama had stopped talking to him. He sat alone at lunch, silently eating and staring at his desk with a blank expression. Yamaguchi tried to talk to him sometimes, but he found that he couldn’t keep a conversation going. Sometimes, when the green-haired boy asked him a question, he couldn’t bring himself to respond at all. And every time he met Yachi’s eyes in the hallway, she looked away as though she’d been burned.  
It was Saturday. He’d played well at practice, and now the team was cleaning up. His mother had texted him that she would be arriving later than usual - something about traffic - and so for convenience’s sake, Daichi placed him in charge of locking up the gym. As the rest of the team filtered out, he was dimly aware that Kageyama was hanging back, sitting on the bench with his head bent, holding a towel to the back of his neck. Hinata ignored him as he put away the mops and the volleyball cart.  
When he left the gym, he heard Kageyama’s footsteps behind him. He made it down the stairs before remembering that he needed to lock the doors, and he turned around. He met Kageyama’s glare. The setter was standing at the top of the stairs, looking down at him with his teeth gritted and his fists clenched by his sides. Hinata knew he couldn’t get by him to lock the doors.  
“Tell me.” Kageyama’s voice was harsh, and wavering. His fists trembled. “Does this even mean anything to you anymore?  
Hinata stared at him dully. He knew the answer.  
“...No.”  
Kageyama’s jaw clenched, his eyes narrowing in a pained attempt at an angry expression. It lasted for only a second before breaking into something that was lost and desperate and scared. His wide eyes shone with tears.  
“Then who the hell _are you?_ ” he screamed. His shoulders were shaking.  
“...I don’t know.”  
Hinata pushed past him and locked the gym doors before putting the keys back in his coat pocket. Kageyama watched him the whole time, his teeth gritted, small, shuddering gasps escaping from his throat. Hinata glanced back up at him as he passed, studying his face. He didn’t get it. And he was tired of crying, so he didn’t.  
He turned and left Kageyama to sob alone on the stairs.

He stared at the two dozen little white tablets in his palm. He was bent over in his desk chair, hands shaking, the room lit only by his dim desk lamp. His eyes were stretched wide, straining out of his skull. He hadn’t slept. It had to be nearly 3 AM.  
For the first time in two weeks, he felt something jolt through his system like lightning.  
He hated it. He hated all of it: the voices, the emptiness, the little white pills in his hands that had taken his joy from him. That had broken Kageyama, who had cried more throughout all this than Hinata had ever seen in the months he’d known him before that. He clenched his jaw and pressed his lips together, clutching his hand into a fist. He felt violent.  
His head snapped up. He stood from his desk so rapidly that his chair almost fell over and stormed up to his window, throwing it open with his free hand. With a furious grunt, he drew his fist back and threw his medicine as hard as he could into the bushes outside.  
Everything was quiet. He stared out at his yard for only a few seconds, his brief rush of energy fading. And then he closed the window, turned towards his room, collapsed into his bed, and slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's psa time  
> Ok so absolutely DO NOT EVER throw your prescribed medication away without talking to your psychiatrist first. Only in fanfiction can that kind of thing work out. Hinata is doing a very dumb thing here and it is a thing that I 100% advise against, even if you're having bad side effects. Cause the withdrawals might be even worse.  
> ok that's it practice self care


	23. Chapter 23

Kageyama had been in the gym since 4:00 in the morning. At his request, Ukai had given him a key for early morning practice, and he used it every day, throwing himself into every serve and toss until thoughts of anything else faded away. Eventually, he’d lost track of time, so when Sugawara and Tanaka walked through the door, it took him a moment to realize that they were there for practice, too.  
Twenty minutes later, the whole team had assembled in the gym to warm up. Kageyama avoided looking at Hinata, who was chattering away with Yamaguchi more energetically than he had in weeks. He didn’t let himself get his hopes up. Instead, he gathered around Ukai with the rest of the team and watched the coach intently, focusing only on what was necessary.  
“Alright, everyone.” Ukai put his hands on his hips and regarded them each in turn. “Since nationals are coming up so soon, I want to get in a few practice matches with full teams. Today, the red jerseys will be Daichi, Sugawara, Asahi, Narita, Ennoshita, and Kinoshita, and the yellow jerseys will be Hinata, Kageyama, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Nishinoya, and Tanaka.” He clapped once. “Alright, get to it!”  
“Yeah!”  
Kageyama grabbed his yellow jersey and slipped it on, staring forwards with his jaw set. As everyone took their places on either side of the net, Hinata visibly bounced with excitement, staring at the other team with a bright smile splitting his face. Daichi looked at him and laughed, spreading his feet in a receiving stance.  
“We’re not gonna lose to our juniors,” the captain declared with a confident smile. Asahi and Sugawara’s faces both lit up with the same expression, and Hinata buzzed with excitement. Kageyama looked away, and made eye contact with Tsukishima as he turned. They shared a brief moment before taking their positions on the court.  
Their team struggled. Kageyama watched in shock as Hinata repeatedly missed his tosses, and he saw Tsukishima doing the same as the redhead mistimed block after block for no visible reason. He felt a storm rising in his gut, fighting to focus on the game and relying more heavily on Tanaka to score. He gritted his teeth as Sugawara and Asahi marked the bald second-year, and glanced over to see Daichi waiting for a spike in front of Tsukishima. He made his decision in a split second, leaning backwards and tossing to Hinata.  
His partner slammed the ball down on the other side of the net, his eyes sparkling. Kageyama watched as he landed, staring at his open palm for a moment and grinning giddily. The storm inside him broiled, rising to his throat in a single furious mass. Hinata looked over and then bounced up to him, eyes shining with enthusiasm.  
“Toss me another one, Kageyama!” he shouted, cheeks dusted with pink. He looked so happy. Kageyama glared down at him, his hair falling down around his eyes as he bent his neck.  
“You stopped taking your medicine, didn’t you?”  
His tone was low and dangerous, and Hinata froze, the smile dropping from his face.  
“Wh- what are you talking ab-,”  
Kageyama felt something snap. A thousand different versions of his partner flashed through his mind: Hinata standing wild-eyed and blood soaked in the gym, Hinata screaming in the gym with his hands clutching his ears, Hinata sobbing into his chest, Hinata standing with his back turned to him on the edge of the roof, Hinata staring at him emptily while telling him volleyball meant nothing to him anymore. And finally, the Hinata he desperately wanted back, who’d been dead and gone for a month, who shared his love for volleyball and never shut up and had the brightest smile he’d ever seen. And after all this time, the Hinata in front of him right now dared to give him hope that his partner might have finally come back.  
He stepped forwards and grabbed a fistful of Hinata’s jersey, pulling him upwards violently.  
“ _Why the hell did you stop taking your medicine?_ ” he screamed, every inch of him burning with fury. The little spiker stared back at him, face contorting in shock.  
A moment later, he felt someone’s arms wrap under his and pull him away. He glanced back for only a second, dimly surprised to see that it was Tsukishima. Across from him, Daichi ducked under the net and took hold of Hinata as the little spiker tried to step towards him again. Takeda yelled something from the bench, and beside him, Yachi burst into tears. Ukai was nowhere to be seen.  
“You _know_ why!” Hinata shouted back, his own expression twisting into an intense glare. “Kageyama, I know _you_ know why!”  
“I know a lot of things damn well!” Kageyama snarled, struggling to break free from Tsukishima’s grasp. “You know _I_ know how important it is for you to take your _damn medicine!_ ”  
“Kageyama!” Tsukishima snapped sharply from behind him. He ignored him.  
“But volleyball stopped _meaning_ anything to me!” Hinata’s eyes were filling with enraged tears now, and Daichi struggled to hold him as he pulled against his grip. “I couldn’t feel _anything!_ How am I-,”  
“ _You can’t play volleyball if you’re fucking dead!_ ”  
Tsukishima’s grasp around him stiffened. The gym fell silent, and Kageyama panted, adrenaline rushing through his system. All around him, his teammates stared in shock. Kiyoko’s hands were clasped over her mouth, and Yachi looked so pale it seemed she might collapse at any moment. Takeda was frozen in place. Daichi was the first to regain his senses.  
“S-stop it, you two.” For the first time, the captain’s voice tried and failed to sound authoritative, and his words hung uselessly in the air for a second. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes, and then slowly let go of Hinata before fixing Kageyama with an intensely solemn stare. “Kageyama. Out of the gym. Now.”  
This time, his voice had more authority than ever before. Kageyama shook Tsukishima off him roughly and stormed past Hinata, who looked stunned - or perhaps not stunned, but distant and slightly horrified, as though he were listening to something else. Kageyama stalked out the door and saw Ukai standing by a trash can a few yards away from the entrance, snuffing out a cigarette. The coach took one look at him and rushed into the gym. He heard him shouting inside, demanding to know what was going on, but he didn’t stop walking. He kept going, away from the gym, down the hill, and into the streets of the town.  
And for the first and only time, Kageyama Tobio skipped practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as my late great uncle Funky Kong used to say:  
> that's rough buddy


	24. Chapter 24

Kageyama dimly registered how cold it was in the streets of the town, the wind biting against his jersey and shorts. He was wandering aimlessly through neighborhoods and small shopping centers, the rage and adrenaline he’d felt just half an hour ago fading from his body. Now he was torn between guilt and stubbornness, and so, unable to choose, he settled on tired resignation. And of course, just as he began to feel exhausted, he spotted Oikawa Tooru walking on the other side of the street, wearing a puffy blue jacket and black sweatpants.  
As soon as the other setter saw him, his face contorted into a contemptuous sneer. Kageyama stared back indifferently; their rivalry, and the fear he used to feel at the thought of never measuring up to his old upperclassman, suddenly seemed insignificant. To Oikawa, however, that clearly wasn’t the case.  
“Skipping class, Tobio-chan?” the Seijoh captain jeered. He gave him a once-over, and his brow furrowed slightly. “Or are you skipping practice? Careful, or you might lose in the first round at nationals.” Kageyama simply nodded, and Oikawa looked a bit taken aback. “Wait, seriously?” He adopted a surprised expression for a moment, before he gave a delighted chuckle. “Things must really not be going well for you and that annoying team of yours.”  
“...Yeah.” Kageyama mumbled the word, scratching the back of his neck and staring down at the ground dejectedly. Oikawa whistled.  
“How terrible. Is that little shrimp giving you trouble again?”  
Kageyama felt his lip tremble, and tears brimmed in his eyes. He looked back up at Oikawa to see the other setter’s expression frozen in a half-smirk, eyes wide in shock.  
“I-I just don’t know what to do,” he admitted, voice choked. “I s-stopped him from jumping, but….”  
“What?” Oikawa now looked utterly bemused. “Why the hell would you stop your spikers from jumping?”  
Kageyama jumped as he realized what he’d said, and clapped a hand to his mouth, looking over anxiously at the other setter. As he watched, Oikawa’s expression slowly changed from bafflement to horrified realization, before melting into the most intensely serious expression he’d ever seen him wear, all hint of a smirk or scowl dropping from his face. The Seijoh captain gestured at a nearby bench.  
“Sit down and tell me everything.” Even his voice was low and even, and Kageyama obeyed without hesitation, leaning forwards with his head bent as Oikawa sat down next to him. He could feel the setter’s stare on him as he began to speak, starting with Hinata’s collapse in the gym, and then moving through the ups and downs of his diagnosis before reaching the events of two weeks ago.  
“I f-found him on the roof,” he explained, staring down at his hands with his brow furrowed painfully. “He thought- he imaged his mother c-called him and told him his sister w-was dead, so….” His head bent down further, and he felt tears form in the corners of his eyes again. “He t-tried to…. He almost…!” He broke off, dropping his head into his hands and feeling the tears leak onto his skin.  
“...Shit,” Oikawa breathed. He heard the bench creak as his former teammate leaned back. “You told the counselors?” He nodded wordlessly, raising his head just enough to rest one hand over his mouth, the other arm dropping onto his knee as he stared ahead into the street.  
“...Tsukishima told Coach Ukai.” His eyes narrowed. “S-so he started taking medicine, and I thought he was getting better, but… he stopped liking volleyball. Even on the court, it was like I didn’t know him.” He drew in a deep, shuddering breath. “Today, I found out he stopped taking his medicine. I yelled at him in the gym, and Daichi made me leave.” He looked back up at Oikawa, feeling a surge of desperation. “I just don’t know what to do.” The other setter regarded him for a moment, eyes glinting with seriousness. Kageyama was struck by how much, in this one moment, he actually looked like a reliable upperclassman.  
“...Look, Kageyama.” Oikawa leaned forward, staring straight into his eyes. “You’re a first-year in high school. There’s no way in hell you’d know what to do about any of this. In fact, it sounds like you’ve been through way more than your fair share of hell already.” The other setter sighed, leaning back a bit. “It sounds harsh, but you can’t be responsible for Hinata’s mental health.” Kageyama’s brow furrowed, and he felt a pang in his chest.  
“B-but…!”  
Oikawa raised a hand, cutting him off.  
“I’m not finished.” The other setter suddenly placed his hand firmly on Kageyama’s shoulder. “What you can do is help him on the court. If the little shrimp doesn’t want to take his medicine, there’s nothing you can do about that. But from what you’ve told me, it sounds like he’s been trying to solve all his problems himself, at least while he’s playing volleyball.” Kageyama’s eyes widened as he looked back at his former upperclassman, thinking back on all the times Hinata had struggled while they played. He had never once asked the team for help. Oikawa dropped his hand and leaned back fully in the bench, a hint of his familiar sneer returning.  
“And I know he’s just as stupid as you are.” Kageyama blinked, trying to hide his indignation. “There’s no way that little idiot is going to be able to play volleyball just like he used to, while hallucinating, without any help.” Oikawa grit his teeth as he spoke his next words, each one slipping through only begrudgingly. “He’s a talented player. And he’s got more energy than he has any right to. If anyone can do it, it’s him. But, much as you like to forget, volleyball is a team sport. Just don’t ignore him when he messes up, like you would normally do. And try to help him work out how to play even in spite of his hallucinations.”  
Kageyama nodded, sitting up. For the first time in a long time, his heart felt a little lighter, and he allowed a sliver of hope to pierce through the despair in his chest. He sniffed, wiping his eyes with his sleeve, and looked back up at the other setter with gratitude glimmering inside him.  
“Okay. Thanks… senpai.” Oikawa clicked his tongue and glanced away, a hint of red glowing on his cheeks, though it may have simply been from the cold.  
“Tch. Whatever.” The Seijoh captain stood from the bench, dusting off his pants and jacket. “Can’t have you embarrassing Aoba Johsai by beating us and then crashing and burning at nationals.” Kageyama nodded again, more energetically, feeling the spark of hope in his heart kindling into a small flame of determination. He watched Oikawa turn and walk away down the street, raising a hand in a casual farewell.  
“Bye, Tobio-chan! Talk to an adult next time!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact I have no idea where aoba johsai is actually located so it might not make sense for kags to just run into oikawa randomly but I wouldn't put it past that boy to get on a train somewhere without even registering it


	25. Chapter 25

Once again, Kageyama arrived at the gym before the sun had truly risen, while the world was still faint and blue in the early winter dawn. Still, it wasn’t as cold as other nights, and he yawned as he trudged up the hill, Oikawa’s words from the previous day echoing in his head. He wasn’t proud of the fact that he’d skipped school, after hearing from Yachi over text that, in light of his and Hinata’s fight, Ukai had cancelled afternoon practice to let everyone cool their heads. After almost a full day with no official volleyball practice, his whole body was buzzing with a desperate energy that needed to be released. And, of course, he needed to do some other things, too.  
He paused for only a moment when he spotted a shock of orange hair against the gym doors; Hinata was sitting on the steps, staring into space, cold clouds billowing from his lips with every slow exhale. Kageyama crossed the few feet between them, and only when he was right in front of the stairs did his teammate notice him, glancing up with an absentminded expression.  
“Ah, Kageyama.” Hinata looked back out towards the club rooms, and then pointed at a spot on the ground in front of them. “There’s not a car right there, is there?” Kageyama followed his finger carefully, and saw only empty space. He looked back at his partner and shook his head. “Ah.”  
Kageyama paused, and then walked over to Hinata’s other side, sitting beside him on the steps. Silence fell over them as the redhead continued staring forwards, seemingly lost in thought. He knew he had to say something. He replayed the fight from yesterday in his head: the way he’d screamed, the way he’d grabbed Hinata by the jersey and yelled at him until he’d cried, in front of the whole team. Staring down at the ground, he worked up his nerve.  
“...I’m s-,”  
“I’m sorry,” Hinata piped up, louder, turning to fix him with an intent stare. Kageyama blinked back in confusion.  
“Huh? Why?” Now his teammate looked confused, too.  
“What do you mean, ‘why’? Are you stupid?” He spoke with such genuine, innocent curiosity that for a moment, Kageyama almost abandoned the idea of reconciling in favor of punching his lights out. Before he could do so, Hinata looked away, brow furrowing, lips pursed in a tiny frown.  
“I keep freaking you out by doing a bunch of weird stuff. I see things and hear things while we’re playing, and I got tears and snot and stuff all over your jersey that one time, and you had to s-stop me from…” He trailed off, eyes narrowing painfully, and swallowed hard. “...d-doing something really stupid.” He looked up at Kageyama, his expression suddenly agitated. “And then last week, I was a jerk to you too!” Now, the little spiker’s eyes fixed themselves on the ground, his hands fidgeting in his lap. “When I was on my medicine, everything was really scary, ‘cause I knew how much volleyball used to mean to me, but none of it made me happy anymore. I don’t think I was myself, and that freaked you out, too. And I was afraid if I kept taking it, I’d end up that way forever. So I stopped. But that just made things worse.”  
His face collapsed in exhaustion, and his hands fell limp in front of him.  
“I… I just don’t know what to do.”  
Kageyama’s eyes widened. He studied Hinata’s face quietly, a thousand small realizations slotting together in his brain. Suddenly he understood that Hinata had still been Hinata all this time; he’d just been struggling, struggling with his sister’s accident, struggling with his own mental illness, struggling to do everything on his own. And all that time, he’d felt just as lost as Kageyama.  
“...You really are stupid, aren’t you?”  
Hinata looked up sharply, taking his turn to look shocked and offended. Kageyama smiled at him affectionately.  
“Idiot,” he said, his voice warm. “Did you ever think about asking us for help?” Hinata’s eyes widened in astonishment, and then narrowed suspiciously. Suddenly, his partner reached out and poked him in the side. Kageyama jumped. “Wh-what are you doing, dumbass?” Hinata looked up at him, lips pursed, brow furrowed.  
“Making sure you’re real!”  
“Why the hell wouldn’t I be real?”  
“‘Cause you smiled! A real, actual, not-creepy smile! Everyone knows Kageyama can’t do that!”  
“Dumbass!” Kageyama reached out and grabbed the top of Hinata’s head, ruffling his hair violently. His teammate yelped in surprise, squeezed his eyes shut, and clutched his forearm with both hands, and then laughed, his cheeks tinting a slight pink, his whole face bright with quiet joy. His eyes opened, shining with fondness as they made eye contact, and Kageyama felt another smile spreading across his face. It widened into a grin as he pulled back and brought the keys from his pocket, jingling them around his finger.  
“Want some tosses?”  
Hinata’s face lit up even brighter.  
“Yeah!”  
The two of them stood and hurried inside the gym, setting up the net and volleyball cart in record time. Kageyama itched to get his hands on a volleyball, and he rushed to take his position on the court, ball in hand, while Hinata backed up for his running approach. He took one look at the little spiker to make sure he was ready, and saw his face brimming with enthusiasm, tongue sticking out slightly from the side of his mouth. Kageyama threw the ball straight up in the air, hearing his partner’s footsteps as he ran, and tossed it.  
They practiced for fifteen minutes, the gym filled with the sound of volleyballs slamming against skin and linoleum. Some of Hinata’s spikes landed in perfectly, but others barely made it over the net, and he whiffed some completely. After one such spike, the redhead landed and turned to Kageyama with a pout of frustration.  
“How am I supposed to hit it when there’s two of them?” he whined. “I keep guessing wrong.”  
Kageyama raised his hand to his chin and thought deeply for a moment, before the solution occurred to him, clear as day.  
“Hit the one that’s in a better spot to spike,” he instructed firmly. “That’ll always be the real one.” Hinata’s eyebrows lowered and his mouth widened in a sarcastic smile.  
“You really think highly of yourself, huh, Kageyama-kun?” he deadpanned. Kageyama nodded.  
“Of course. My tosses are always perfect.”  
With that, they returned to their positions and started again. He watched carefully as Hinata spiked; the little redhead’s eyes were wide open at the top of his jump, staring more intently at the volleyball in front of him than they ever had before. He still accidentally dinked the ball, occasionally, but it seemed that those near misses were simply a matter of timing rather than flat-out mistakes. Kageyama watched as his partner ran up for another toss, slamming it down onto the other side of the net, and flinched in surprise as Hinata landed and whirled around to face him, eyes shining in amazement.  
“ _Uoh!_ It works!” He bounded over to Kageyama, miming another spike with his arm. “The one that looks better is always the real one, like _blam!_ ” He swung his arm down and stopped, looking up at him with pink cheeks and wide, shining eyes. “You’re amazing, Kageyama!” Kageyama felt a rushing sense of deja-vu, and his own face began to heat up as his thoughts ground to a halt.  
“Wh-wha- you dumba-,”  
Suddenly, the door to the gym slid open, and the two of them turned to see Sugawara and Daichi stepping inside. Both of them stopped as they made eye contact, and the gray-haired setter’s expression contorted in shock as he stared at Hinata.  
“What are you doing here?” he asked, blinking. Hinata looked away, scratching the back of his head sheepishly.  
“W-well, I found my old bike in the back of my shed, and I wanted to come to practice early, so I rode it here.” Sugawara pursed his lips, brow furrowing.  
“Isn’t that dangerous?” Kageyama stiffened, the same realization hitting him, and whirled around to face his partner.  
“Yeah, dumbass! Isn’t that dangerous?”  
“No!” Hinata responded petulantly. “If I imagine a car that’s not there, that just makes me more careful!”  
Kageyama stared at him speechlessly, and heard Sugawara sighing as he walked up to them along with Daichi. The captain regarded them all carefully, gaze lingering on Kageyama, before it switched to Hinata and he finally spoke.  
“Hinata, what’s the situation with your medicine?” he asked seriously. “Is it okay for you to be here?” The redhead nodded.  
“Mom called Dr. Nakajima,” he replied. “She said I have to look out for nausea and stuff, but I don’t have to keep taking my medicine, especially since I threw it out the window.” This time, Sugawara and Kageyama spoke simultaneously.  
“You did _what_ with your medicine?”  
“Dumbass! You threw it out the _window?_ ”  
“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time you were nauseous in the gym,” Daichi remarked with a sigh. “Does your mother know you’re here?” Hinata froze and peered at the captain fearfully, his hand on the back of his neck.  
“Um.” He offered a nervous smile. “I left her a note?”  
And now Daichi offered a smile of his own, one that was calm and wide and didn’t reach his eyes. Kageyama shuddered, and Sugawara stepped back, eyes downcast. Hinata looked nothing short of petrified.  
“Alright,” the captain said, his voice steady and terrible. “Come with me. And bring your phone.”  
“Y-yes, captain!” Hinata shouted in terror, and followed Daichi, trembling, out of the gym. Kageyama watched him sympathetically as they disappeared, and then jumped in fright as the captain’s head ducked back around the doorframe, fixing him with an awful stare.  
“Oh, and Kageyama. Don’t think I forgot about you wandering off yesterday. I’ll be talking to you next.” The door slammed shut. Kageyama swallowed hard, and began counting down the minutes until his death. Sugawara walked up beside him, eyeing him with pity.  
“Maybe he’ll be merciful,” he suggested unhelpfully. Kageyama turned to face him, breathing in deeply to regain his composure. The other setter’s face grew serious as he continued. “So, did you and Hinata make up?”  
“Yeah.” He nodded, and then hesitated. “...I talked to Oikawa yesterday.”  
“Oikawa?” his teammate echoed, eyebrows shooting up in surprise. He nodded again.  
“I ran into him in the street.” He furrowed his brow and raised a hand to the back of his neck. “He said Hinata’s probably struggling ‘cause he’s trying to do everything by himself, and we should try to help him out more while he’s playing.” Sugawara stared.  
“ _Oikawa_ said that?”  
“Yeah. So me and him tried working together with his spikes just now, and I think we figured out how to get the quick to work again.”  
“That’s awesome!” the third-year chirped excitedly, clapping his hands together. “I can talk to Daichi about finding different ways to help him out while we practice.” A moment later, a shadow fell over his face, and his smile switched abruptly from overjoyed to petty. “I just wish Oikawa of all people hadn’t been the one to think of it.” Kageyama looked back at him and nodded firmly in agreement.  
“Kageyama!”  
He jumped, a chill running up his spine, and turned slowly to see Daichi standing in the doorway to the gym, his eyes dark and intense. Hinata was walking back onto the court in front of him, his pace slow, his eyes fixed on the ground, every inch of his face speaking to the trauma he’d just experienced. Kageyama breathed in shakily and forced his legs to move, passing his partner wordlessly on his way and barely registering as Sugawara quietly wished him luck.  
He was very glad that they seemed to have found a solution for Hinata’s problems, and that he’d managed to pass it on to Karasuno’s other setter. It was just a shame that he wouldn’t live to see it put into action.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry the tsukkiyama really jumped out

Tsukishima shoved his hands deeper into his jacket pockets, struggling to ward off the early morning cold. The freezing plastic of his headphones on the back of his neck didn’t help, and for a moment, he considered putting them around his ears. He glanced sideways at Yamaguchi, who was walking beside him, and who was also unnaturally silent. His freckled face was pensive, brow furrowed with thought. Tsukishima sighed. He’d tried to ignore the palpable silence, but these days, that kind of thing made his stomach churn with anxiety.  
“...Yamaguchi. What are you thinking so hard about?” His best friend started, and then turned to look at him with a sheepish smile.  
“Oh- I was just thinking about what Daichi-san said yesterday.” Tsukishima glanced away with a slight frown. The captain had told the team that from here on out, they should try their best to help Hinata while he was playing, and offer any suggestions they could think of to circumvent the issues his mental condition produced. As if that was any of their responsibilities. Beside him, Yamaguchi hummed, his expression growing contemplative again.  
“I can’t even imagine how hard it must be to play while seeing people who aren’t there.” His friend shuddered. “And scary, too. I’m not sure how to help him with that yet, but I’m gonna keep thinking!” His eyes glittered with determination as he spoke, and he smacked a fist into his open palm. Tsukishima offered only a monotone hum, and another silence fell over them. This time, however, it was short lived.  
“...Hey, Tsukki?”  
“What?”  
“I’m gonna say something, and you can’t cut me off until I’m done, okay?” Tsukishima glanced over at him suspiciously. His expression was soft but serious, and his gaze didn’t waver.  
“...Okay.”  
“I know something happened between you and Hinata, and I think Kageyama.” Tsukishima stiffened, and his brow furrowed. He kept his eyes fixed pointedly on the sidewalk ahead of them, feeling Yamaguchi’s eyes studying his face. “I’m not gonna ask you to tell me what it was, but I know it’s bothering you. So if you ever wanna talk about it, I’m here for you, okay?”  
Tsukishima stopped. Yamaguchi stopped a second later, too, turning around to look at him in surprise. He felt as though his heart was trembling in his chest, and he tried not to let it show on his face. There was nothing he wanted to do more than sit down right there, by the side of the road, and tell his best friend about everything, about what he’d seen, about how it kept him awake most nights, about how this terrible feeling of dread had settled in his stomach and never went away. Instead, he raised a hand and adjusted his glasses.  
“...Shut up, Yamaguchi.” He started walking again.  
“Sorry, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi smiled cheerfully as he fell in step beside him, and for a moment, that was enough. He silently promised that someday, he’d tell his childhood friend about what had happened, but for now, nationals were coming up, and they couldn’t be late to morning volleyball practice.  
They were still later than almost anyone else. The moment they stepped into the gym, Yamaguchi broke from his side and ran over to where Hinata was stretching beside the stage, and the two began chattering away excitedly. Tsukishima sat down near the bench and watched them idly as he put on his kneepads. For the past couple of days, the two had been talking normally again for the first time in weeks, a sight he never thought he’d miss. As he watched his childhood friend blabber away, eyes sparkling with enthusiasm, he accidentally allowed a small smile to break through onto his face.  
And of course, in that one moment, Sugawara appeared, leaning down to peer at him with a knowing smirk. Tsukishima cleared his throat and turned to look at his upperclassman, feigning indifference.  
“Can I help you, Sugawara-san?” he asked pointedly. The setter’s grin grew wider.  
“You’re not doing a very good job of pretending not to like your teammates,” he remarked loftily. Tsukishima stared at him blankly.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he deadpanned.  
Sugawara laughed and straightened, and then flicked him on the forehead before walking away. Tsukishima flinched and raised a hand to massage his head, and this time, he had to fake an entire coughing fit to hide that persistent smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think y'all can tell by now I really stan sugawara koushi


	27. Chapter 27

“Alright, gather up, everyone!”  
Tsukishima joined the rest of the team as they assembled around Ukai, who regarded them all with his hands on his hips.  
“We’re gonna have a three-on-three today,” he declared. “One set. Those of you who aren’t in the match will be running laps. The yellow jerseys will be Tanaka, Sugawara, and Nishinoya, and the red jerseys will be Hinata, Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima.”  
Tsukishima felt his face blanch. The coach looked at him and chuckled.  
“I know I’m pitting you against your upperclassmen. But I think you all know by now that oftentimes, the best way to get stronger is by going up against strong opponents. Now, let’s get to it!”  
Tsukishima sighed, trying to push down his resentment as he slipped on his jersey and made his way onto the court. As he took his place in the center, he glanced to the side and noticed Hinata staring at the sidelines, looking a bit lost. He followed the redhead’s gaze and realized with a prick of annoyance that he was staring at Kageyama, who was shuffling out of the gym along with the rest of the team.  
“Hey,” he called out. Hinata jumped, and turned to meet his glare. “You’re not relying on the King, are you?”  
“N-no!” his teammate responded, bristling. Behind them, he heard Yamaguchi chuckle nervously.  
“Don’t worry, Hinata,” the green-haired boy reassured him. “We’ll figure something out.”  
The set was a disaster. With Tsukishima playing setter, whatever solution Hinata managed to work out between himself and Kageyama fell apart, and he completely whiffed a large chunk of the balls tossed to him. In addition, he was still blocking phantom spikers, and his receives were sometimes completely off. The spikes he did hit in were often picked up by Nishinoya, and Sugawara and Tanaka were perfectly in sync the whole game. Finally, begrudgingly, Tsukishima had to admit that he and Yamaguchi weren’t the best at receives, either. In the end, they lost with a final score of 16-25.  
Hinata had a frustrated, distracted look in his eye as both teams gathered around Ukai for his feedback. Tsukishima stared at him in annoyance, and then closed his eyes and sighed.  
“U-um.” He raised his hand, and Ukai looked at him in surprise. “I’m sorry, but could we play another set?” Now everyone was staring at him in shock. The coach blinked, and then smiled a bit, his eyebrow raised.  
“If it’s okay with the others, I don’t see a problem,” he assented. “Did you have something in mind?”  
“Yes. Thank you.” He bowed quickly and then turned to Hinata, who flinched as they made eye contact. Stalking forwards, he grabbed the redhead by the back of his shirt and dragged him towards the court, ignoring his noisy protests.  
“H-hey! Tsukishima, wait! Y-you’re acting like Kageyama! _Ow!_ ”  
Tsukishima stopped, let go of Hinata, and whirled around. His teammate quieted, eyes wide and baffled, as he leaned in and fixed him with an intense stare.  
“I refuse to believe that your brain, in particular, is capable of perfectly simulating the image of a volleyball.”  
“H-huh?” Hinata stammered dumbly, before raising his arms defensively. “Y-you wanna fight or something?” Tsukishima sighed and leaned in further, speaking rapidly. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Yamaguchi and the other team staring at them.  
“When the game starts, I want you to pay close attention to the volleyball whenever it comes your way.”  
“What do you-,”  
“Does it spin or does it not? Where exactly does it come from? Where do you hear the spiker hit the ball?” With each question, he took another step forward, and Hinata took a step back. “Just pay attention. Whenever you see two volleyballs, try to see if there are any differences between them.”  
“O-okay.” Hinata nodded vigorously, and Tsukishima stood back up with a sigh, ignoring the amazed looks of his teammates as he took his place on the court. He glanced over to see Hinata preparing his stance on the other side of the court, eyes shining with intense focus. On the other side of the net, Tanaka prepared to serve.  
“Don’t expect us to go easy on you!” the bald second-year shouted with a grin.  
“Nice serve!”  
Tanaka threw the ball into the air and served it towards Yamaguchi, who leaned to the side to receive it.  
“Tsukki!”  
Tsukishima stepped forward, watching the volleyball as it arced towards him. The receive was good, and he raised his arms over his head and tossed it towards the left side of the court.  
“Hinata!”  
Hinata eyed the ball hungrily and ran forwards, throwing his hands back and planting both feet on the ground before he leapt upwards, the linoleum squeaking beneath his shoes. This time, he hit the ball dead on, but it crossed the court and flew directly at Nishinoya. The libero, of course, received it beautifully, and it floated above Sugawara’s head just as perfectly as if someone had thrown it there on purpose. Tsukishima ran forwards to mark Tanaka, timing his jump to block the second-year’s cross shot. He saw his teeth grit in frustration as he switched to a straight at the last second, aiming at the left edge of the court.  
Tsukishima landed and turned in time to see Hinata standing in the perfect position for a receive, watching with wide eyes as the ball flew at him. At the last moment, the redhead flinched, his expression contorting in terror, and dove sideways, the ball glancing off his arms and falling uselessly next to the bench. Tsukishima sighed, and watched as Yamaguchi ran towards their teammate, brow furrowed with concern.  
“Hinata! Are you okay?”  
The little spiker stood up slowly, his eyes wide, his expression both blank and somehow intense. He nodded, and then turned to look at Tsukishima, who looked back with a slight glare.  
“I think… you’re right,” Hinata said. Tsukishima could practically hear the gears in his head turning.  
“Oh?”  
“I don’t get it yet, but that last one looked like it flew straight at my face. And I think there was something different about it.” He stepped forward, clenching his fist in front of him. “I’ll definitely get the next one.”  
“...Okay.” Tsukishima turned back around, facing the other side of the net.  
“Tanaka, one more! Nice serve!”  
They played for a while longer, still losing badly, while Ukai watched them with his arms crossed on the bench. Finally, with a score of 6-10, Yamaguchi stepped up to serve, holding the ball in his hands with an air of familiarity.  
“Yamaguchi, nice serve!” Tsukishima called.  
A moment later, the ball floated to the other side of the court, and Nishinoya stepped forwards, managing to scoop it up with an overhand receive. Tsukishima clicked his tongue and marked Tanaka again, glancing to the side to see Yamaguchi running up beside him.  
“Leave the straight open,” he murmured. His friend looked puzzled for a second, and then nodded in understanding.  
“Okay, Tsukki.”  
They jumped, and Tanaka shouted incomprehensibly as he spiked, sending the ball on a forceful course straight down the edge of the court. Tsukishima landed and whirled around instantly, watching Hinata intently as the ball flew towards him. The redhead hopped in place, and then stepped back, receiving it and sending it spinning towards center court, close to the net. Tsukishima ran towards it and leapt upwards, hands raised to toss.  
“Hinata!”  
He watched as Sugawara and Tanaka rushed towards Hinata. He smirked, and then lowered his right hand to effortlessly dump the ball onto the other side of the net. Nishinoya dove forwards too late to save it, and it fell to the ground with a satisfying _smack_.  
“Why, you little…!” Tanaka glared at him in irritation as he landed, and he smiled back angelically.  
“ _U-uooooooh!_ ”  
Tsukishima winced in annoyance as Hinata screamed, turning to see the little redhead staring at his own hands in amazement with his face lit up like the sun. He looked up and met Tsukishima’s gaze, bounding over to him, eyes sparkling.  
“There really is a difference, Tsukishima!” he yelped. “The real one spins, like _fwoom_ , and the fake one doesn’t! You’re a genius!” Tsukishima blinked at him and pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation.  
“Compared to you, maybe. How have you never noticed that before?”  
“Volleyballs move fast!” Hinata shot back, pouting.  
“Whatever. Just try to receive them from now on.” With that, Tsukishima turned and saw Yamaguchi staring at him with a proud smile. He clicked his tongue. “Shut up, Yamaguchi.” His friend snickered.  
“Sorry, Tsukki!”  
The rest of the set went far better; their plays actually started connecting, since the ball was going up far more frequently. Hinata still messed up his receives once or twice, and his spikes and blocks were still all over the place, but Tsukishima couldn’t help but feel a twinge of relief every time a successful receive caused his eyes to glimmer with triumph. His expression throughout the rest of the game was certainly much different from the frustrated, almost tearful glare he’d started wearing a month ago, or the empty-eyed stare he’d adopted two weeks afterwards. When Ukai’s whistle blew this time, they’d still lost, but with a score of 22-25 this time.  
“Shoyo!” Nishinoya ducked under the net and dashed across the court, leaping into the air in front of Hinata. “That was amazing! Nice receives!”  
The rest of the team had returned a few minutes ago, and were scattered along the sidelines cooling off. At Nishinoya’s words, all of the second and third-years looked up simultaneously with expressions that teetered between awe and jealousy.  
“He got one from Nishinoya,” Asahi remarked with a chuckle. “No fair.”  
“Nice job, brainy!” Tsukishima looked up warily as Tanaka approached him, grinning, and braced for impact as the second-year reached up to give him a noogie. “You should be a coach someday!”  
“Yeah, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi agreed, coming up beside him. “You’d be a great coach.”  
“Ah.” He extricated himself from Tanaka’s grasp, almost regretting his decision to get involved at all. “No, thank you.”  
“But we still lost,” Hinata piped up suddenly, staring down disappointedly at the linoleum. “And losing means you don’t get to stay on the court.” From behind the bench, Kageyama looked up, pausing with his bottle half-raised to his lips.  
“Well, you wouldn’t have stayed on the court today either way,” Ukai pointed out with a chuckle as he joined them. “And even if you didn’t win, that improvement was really something. You all did really well today.” He looked at Tsukishima with an impressed smile, one eyebrow raised. “Thanks for your help, Tsukishima. Now.” He clapped, looking around at the whole team. “Let’s take a minute to cool down, and get set up for serving drills.”  
“Yeah!”  
Tsukishima walked along with the others over to the sidelines, picking up his water bottle and sitting against the wall. He watched as Hinata raised a towel to his face, his expression thoughtful, but absent of pain, and for once, the anxiety in his chest dissipated. He raised his knees to his chin and allowed himself a small smile.


	28. Chapter 28

Hinata stood by the stage, swigging water and gradually regaining his breath. The sky outside the gym’s windows was dark, and the others were slowly gathering their things and filtering out. His mother was caught in traffic again. _I guess the roads get bad in the winter, even in small towns like these._ He idly scrolled through his texts as he wiped a towel across his forehead.  
_Such an idiot._  
“Hinata!”  
He glanced up to see Yamaguchi jogging over to him, his face lit with excitement. He put his water bottle down and tilted his head to the side expectantly.  
“Hinata,” his teammate repeated as he came to a halt in front of him, “I was thinking about how you can deal with the blockers and spikers you keep hallucinating, and that thing from this morning with Tsukki gave me an idea!” Hinata felt a jolt of excitement, and began rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.  
“Really? What is it?”  
_Don’t listen to him!_  
“Why don’t you try paying really close attention to everyone you see, so you can figure out if they’re real players or just made-up people?” Yamaguchi suggested, raising a finger. _Oh! I never really looked at them before!_  
“Ah, that might work!” he agreed energetically, hopping in place.  
“Yamaguchi, are you coming?” Tsukishima called out from the doorway.  
“Nope!” Yamaguchi replied cheerfully. “Tsukki, you should stay and help us try something out!” The two of them turned and peered hopefully at Tsukishima, whose sigh was audible from across the gym.  
“Yamaguchi-,” he started.  
“Please, Tsukki?” the green-haired boy begged. “We have less than two weeks until nationals, and we have to work as a team!” Hinata plastered on his most winning smile, and Tsukishima regarded both of them for a moment, eyes narrowed in exasperation.  
_He’s not alone anymore._  
“...Fine.” The blonde sighed again, somehow even more heavily than before, and made his way over to them. _Woah! He actually agreed!_  
“Thanks a ton, Tsukki!”  
“Yeah, thanks, Tsukishima!”  
“Whatever. What do you need?”  
“Are we gonna have a two-on-two?”  
Hinata jumped in fright as Kageyama suddenly appeared beside him, sipping on his water bottle absently.  
“Gah! D-don’t sneak up on me, Creepyama!” The setter glared at him.  
“I’m not creepy, dumbass! You’re just unobservant!”  
_And worthless._  
“Can we please hurry and get this over with?” Tsukishima asked in an irritated tone.  
“Y-yeah, I think a two-on-two will be fine,” Yamaguchi agreed. “We can just go to fifteen points. That should work really well, actually, ‘cause Kageyama is a really good spiker-,”  
“Yeah, it’s annoying,” Hinata grumbled, averting his eyes from the setter’s glare.  
“-and Tsukki is the best blocker ever-,”  
“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”  
“Sorry, Tsukki! So anyway, Hinata, that’ll give you practice against a good spiker and a good blocker, so I think you and me should be on one team, and they should be on the other.” Hinata suppressed a shudder, turning to meet the glares of the two giants. _Th-they’re exhibiting an evil aura, but…_  
“Y-yeah! Let’s do it!” Kageyama’s expression changed suddenly.  
“I won’t go easy on you,” the setter declared, eyes glittering. Hinata felt a familiar spark of rivalry in his chest.  
“Don’t you ever go easy on me.” The two of them stared at each other for a moment, energy crackling in the air between them, and then both grinned.  
“Hurry up,” Tsukishima snapped as he passed by. “I’d prefer to go home before morning practice tomorrow.”  
With that, they took a few minutes to set the net back up, and took their positions on either side of the court. Hinata stared intently at his giant teammates - or opponents, right now - and worked up his concentration. _Pay attention to everyone you see. Pay attention-_  
 _There’s someone at the door!_  
He clicked his tongue and lowered his stance. Behind him, he heard Yamaguchi spin the volleyball in his hands before catching it.  
“Yamaguchi, nice serve!”  
He watched the ball float forwards and catch against the rim of the net, bouncing over and plummeting towards the floor. Kageyama dove to receive it, and it flew straight up. Hinata’s eyes widened in shock as another player flew up behind the black-haired setter, perfectly positioned to spike the ball as it arced into the air. He paused. _Pay attention._  
The spiker was blonde, like Tsukishima, but his hair was straight, and, more notably, he wasn’t wearing glasses. Hinata kept his feet planted firmly on the ground as the phantom player’s hand passed through the volleyball, which suddenly shot across the court towards the left. He realized with surprise that Tsukishima had tossed it, and that Kageyama was already flying into the air to spike it. He ran towards him too late to block, and heard the ball slam into the floor behind him.  
“Don’t mind, Hinata!” Yamaguchi called out. “We’ll get the next one!”  
_He shouldn't push himself._  
The next one was much the same, as was the one after that. Three minutes later, they’d reached a score of 10-12, and their side was losing. Hinata took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly, feeling his mind sharpen with concentration. _It’s not over yet._  
Kageyama’s jump serve rushed towards him, past Tsukishima’s covered head and over the net. It approached in slow motion, and then seemed to split in two, one coming straight at him, the other travelling sightly to the right. He watched carefully. The one coming straight at him wasn’t spinning; it seemed to simply float through the air, strangely static as it moved. He hopped in place and leaned to the right, feeling the impact as he sent the real ball towards Yamaguchi. _It works!_  
He straightened and watched in dismay as Yamaguchi leapt to set the ball and sent it flying across the court far too quickly. He leapt into action immediately, sprinting to catch up with it on the right side of the court, leaping into the air as high as his legs could take him. Time slowed down again as he reached the height of his jump only to see a blocker rising in front of him, arms raised in an impenetrable wall. He studied the other player’s face. His hair was very dark brown, a shade lighter than Kageyama’s, and his face was nondescript and unfamiliar. _You’re not… real!_  
Hinata grit his teeth and felt a lightning bolt of adrenaline pass through him as he swung his arm downwards. The ball shot directly through the imaginary spiker’s face, and the hallucination disappeared in an instant, leaving only the sight and sound of the ball slamming down on the other side and bouncing back up into the air. He landed, staring forwards in astonishment.  
“Sorry, Hinata!” Yamaguchi called out, jogging forwards. “Nice cover!” Hinata whirled around to face him, and his teammate jumped a bit, startled.  
“Yamaguchi, it worked!” he shouted. The green-haired boy’s face lit up with amazement.  
“Really? That’s awesome, Hinata!”  
“It went right through his face!” He gestured wildly in an interpretive reenactment of the ball’s motion. “Like _fwabam!_ It was crazy!”  
“Wow!” Yamaguchi’s eyes were wide in shock, and Hinata grinned.  
“And now it’s your turn to serve! Let’s break through!” Yamaguchi smiled back at him and nodded firmly.  
“Yeah!”  
Yamaguchi’s next two serves were service aces - Tsukishima seemed to struggle at picking up his jump floaters, and his aim was consistent enough to target the blonde both times. Tsukishima clicked his tongue as the second serve fell to the ground behind him. _Wow! Tsukishima might be worse at receiving than me!_  
“Break!” Hinata shouted, turning to look at Yamaguchi. The green-haired boy gulped, and his smile wavered nervously.  
“I-I feel kinda bad aiming them at Tsukki,” he admitted. Hinata tilted his head.  
“Huh? He’s on the other side of the net, so it’s okay.” Yamaguchi sighed, though he was still smiling.  
“You’re kinda scary, Hinata.”  
“Use an overhand receive. Overhand.” Hinata turned to see Kageyama demonstrating an overhand receive to Tsukishima, peering at him closely to see if he was listening. The blonde glanced at him once and rolled his eyes.  
“...Shut up.”  
The final score was 15-13, and Hinata revelled in the glow of his first victory in what felt like ages, bounding over to Yamaguchi for a double high-five.  
“Nice serves, Yamaguchi!” he chattered excitedly. “And your idea totally worked, mostly! All the fake players aren’t real people, and I can tell the difference if I look really hard!”  
“Great.” Tsukishima appeared beside them, sporting a shady smirk. “Now all you have to do is memorize the faces of every player on every team we face at nationals, and you’ll be good to go.” Hinata stared at him, crestfallen. _What? No way!_  
“That’s way too much to keep track of!” he protested. “I can’t even remember the quintuplet formula for math class!” Tsukishima stared back at him, eyebrows half-raised in an expression of disbelief.  
“Of course you can do it.” Kageyama appeared at his side, and Hinata looked to him hopefully. “Because you have to. If you don’t, you’ll be useless.” _Oh, come on! How is that supposed to make me feel better?_  
“D-don’t worry, Hinata!” Yamaguchi piped up. “Just think! If you’re able to pay attention to all of this stuff during a match, you’ll be a way better volleyball player in general. And that way, when you find a medicine that works for you, you’ll be unstoppable!” Hinata perked up.  
“Aaaah, you’re right! If that happens, I’ll be way better than Kageyama!” The setter poked him in the side and glared.  
“You wish.”  
“Can I go home now?” Tsukishima asked exhaustedly, to no one in particular. Hinata turned to face Yamaguchi again.  
“I think I can figure this out,” he declared. “Thanks Yamaguchi!” The other first-year beamed back at him.  
“No problem, Hinata! You can do this!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wholesome bean team move out


	29. Chapter 29

“This is impossible!”  
Hinata groaned, flopping over dramatically with his hands lying limply on the papers spread out on the floor in front of him. He heard Yamaguchi chuckle sympathetically from across the club room, but when he lifted his head to look up, he was met only with the sight of Kageyama glaring at him to his left.  
“There’s no way anyone could remember all these faces and names!” he protested, sitting back up and looking over the dozens of student profiles Yachi had printed for him, covered with the names of every player of every team they would be or might be facing at nationals.  
“Yes, there is,” Kageyama disagreed simply, folding his arms. Hinata ground his teeth.  
“It’s no fair. You’ve met them!” The setter huffed and reached out to point at one of the players on a nearby sheet.  
“Who’s that?” he demanded, laying down his hand to cover the name. Hinata stared at the sheet hopelessly, trying to jumpstart the wires in his brain. _It definitely starts with an A._  
“A… Atsumu?”  
“No!” Kageyama snapped. “That’s Akaashi! And you’ve met him, so you have no excuse!” Hinata groaned, rocking backwards and tilting his head back.  
“This is stupid! What’s the point of remembering all their names?”  
“There’s no other way to do it!”  
“Actually,” Yamaguchi interrupted, slipping on his jacket, “I think I might be able to help.” Hinata clasped his hands together in prayer.  
“Yes, please, Yamaguchi! Save me from Creepyama!” Kageyama reached beside him and picked up a sports magazine, rolling it up in a swift motion and bopping him on the head. “ _Geh!_ ”  
Hinata glared at Kageyama, rubbing his head woundedly, and then turned to watch as Yamaguchi rummaged through his school bag. He leaned forwards curiously as the green-haired boy pulled out a thick notebook, flipping through it until he reached a specific page. Then, Yamaguchi stood, crossed the room, and sat between him and Kageyama, holding the notebook secretively against his torso.  
“What’s that?” Hinata asked, tilting back in an attempt to peer at what he was holding. Yamaguchi let out a scheming laugh.  
“You’ll see. I’m gonna show you something.” He leaned towards Hinata with his hand cupped to the side of his mouth, whispering his next words into his ear. “I’m gonna read a list of words in a minute, and I want you to think about how you would use each one on a deserted island.”  
“Huh?” Hinata’s head spun in confusion. “How does that help me with volley-,”  
“Just trust me!” Yamaguchi winked, and then turned to whisper something to Kageyama, whose expression was also puzzled. “Okay, I’m gonna read the list now.” He cleared his throat, and leaned back to peer into his notebook. “Umbrella. Restaurant. Pollution. Mosquito….” Hinata scrunched up his face and pictured himself on a deserted island, a bunch of random objects popping up around him. _Can you use an umbrella as a boat? ...I don’t think I could eat a mosquito._  
“Okay!” Yamaguchi chirped finally, snapping his notebook shut. He leaned forwards, legs crossed, and pulled out two pens from his pocket, handing one to each of them. “Now I want you both to write down as many of those items as you can remember.”  
Hinata looked up at him worriedly. _Oh no. I’ve always been bad at memory games._ From the dismayed look on Kageyama’s face, he guessed that his partner felt the same. Nonetheless, they both dutifully leaned forwards and pulled one of the student profiles closer, occasionally scratching something down in the extra white space. Finally, his brain gave its last dying breath, and he sat up in defeat.  
“Done?” Yamaguchi asked. They both nodded. “Okay, now tell me how many you remembered!”  
“Eight!”  
“Four!”  
Hinata grinned triumphantly and turned to stick his tongue out at Kageyama, who flinched and grit his teeth in frustration.  
“Guess I’m smarter after all!” The setter opened his mouth to retort, but Yamaguchi spoke first.  
“Actually, I gave you both different directions.” Hinata turned to look at him curiously, the black-haired threat against his life temporarily forgotten. “I told Hinata to think about how he would use each item on a desert island, and I told Kageyama to count each word’s syllables.” _Ah, okay._  
“That makes sense.” Hinata folded his arms, nodding. “Counting’s not Kageyama’s strong suit.” Kageyama’s magazine came down on his head again, and Yamaguchi laughed.  
“No, Hinata. You had an advantage, ‘cause my instructions forced you to think about what each word meant, so that made you encode it through deep processing, rather than-,” He cut himself off as they both stared at him helplessly, heads tilted. “W-well, I guess it’s not important for you to know how it works. The point is, I basically just told Kageyama to hear the words, not their underlying meaning. So when you think about what something means to you, it helps you to remember it.” _Okay. I think I understand._  
“So this doesn’t mean I’m smarter than Kageyama?” he asked disappointedly. Yamaguchi snickered and shook his head, before pointing at the student profiles in front of them.  
“So with these, maybe instead of just memorizing their names, you could remember who they are based on something meaningful to you. Like… I don’t know, how much or how little you’d want to meet them in a dark alleyway at night.” Hinata raised an arm to point at Kageyama’s face without missing a beat.  
“Not at all.” This time, he managed to catch the magazine as his partner attempted to bop him.  
“What about this guy?” Yamaguchi asked, pointing at one of the profiles. Hinata looked away from Kageyama’s scowling face to study the picture - it was a short player with spiky white hair and tiny lips that were pursed in a frown. He shuddered.  
“I wouldn’t want to meet him in a dark alley.” The green-haired boy looked over at him, his expression a bit surprised.  
“Huh? Why? He doesn’t look that scary to me.” Yamaguchi peered at the picture again, more closely. Hinata felt a chill go down his spine.  
“He looks like the evil ghost of Nishinoya-san.”  
This time, even Kageyama let out a little snort of laughter, setting down the magazine to look over the profiles with them. It took a full thirty seconds for Yamaguchi to stop laughing and straighten back up, pointing at another picture.  
“Okay, okay, what about this one?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if my psych teacher knew I was using what she taught me to write anime fanfiction I think she might literally slap me


	30. Chapter 30

Hinata walked out of the club room an hour later side-by-side with Kageyama, shivering slightly in the cold night air. He looked up at the shining moon hanging in the sky as they walked silently towards the front of the school, where his mother was waiting in their rental car. He smiled; over the past few days, for the first time since his sister’s accident, he truly felt like he wasn’t alone. He glanced over at Kageyama.  
Suddenly, he was blinded by the white flash of headlights, and the scream of a car horn and screech of tires blared in his ears. Time slowed down as a black car appeared from the darkness to his right, barrelling straight towards Kageyama. He stared at the setter’s face. His expression was unaffected, his eyes still calm and fixed on the path in front of them, and Hinata felt his panic diminish a bit. _This isn’t real._  
The car horn screamed again, and the vehicle passed straight through Kageyama’s body.  
_This isn’t real. This isn’t real._  
The car was speeding at him, and it was only an inch away from his face. Hinata shrieked, collapsing to his knees with his eyes squeezed shut and his hands clasped over his ears. He felt nothing, no cold metal crashing into his body, no impossible impact. The screech of tires faded away.  
“...nata! _Hinata!_ ”  
He opened his eyes slowly, and turned his head to his right. Kageyama was crouched next to him, unharmed, his eyes wild with panicked concern.  
“Hinata, what’s wrong?”  
_...It wasn’t real._  
He let out a shaky breath and fell backwards to sit fully on the ground, pulling his knees up to his chest.  
“...Sorry,” he mumbled. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the tension leave Kageyama’s body.  
“What happened?” his partner asked. His voice was uncharacteristically soft.  
“I saw a car coming towards us,” he explained, resting his chin on his folded arms. “I knew it wasn’t really there ‘cause you didn’t react, but it looked so real.” His voice broke, and he stared down at the ground in shame. “...It was scary.” He half-expected the setter to poke fun at him or scold him for being so weak, but he didn’t. Instead, he nodded and tilted forwards to look him in the eye.  
“Are you okay?”  
Against the cold surrounding him, Hinata felt a glow of warmth in his heart. He sighed, steadying himself.  
“Yeah, I’m fine now.” He glanced up at his teammate with a petulant frown. “I just wish my brain wouldn’t do stupid stuff like that!” Kageyama smiled a bit, though it contained a hint of sadness.  
“Your brain’s always done stupid stuff.”  
Hinata stuck out his tongue.  
“Not as stupid as your brain.”  
They attempted to glare at each other for a moment, before they both broke out in grins that in turn melted into smiles. After a few seconds, Hinata looked away, and peered back up at the moon. _I feel… kinda better. Kageyama’s surprisingly good at that._  
“You know, it makes sense,” he remarked. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kageyama’s expression change to one of slight confusion, and he turned to face his partner. “The thing Yamaguchi said. About how if you think about what something means to you you’ll remember it.” He smiled brightly, tilting his head to the side. “‘Cause I realized pretty recently how much you mean to me, and I think I’ll remember you forever!”  
Despite the darkness, Hinata could see Kageyama’s entire face turn beet red, and the setter looked away quickly.  
“D-dumbass,” he stammered. “D-don’t just say weird stuff like that.” With that, Kageyama stood and began walking again, and Hinata sprang to his feet, running to catch up with him.  
“What? It makes sense, doesn’t it? Are you too stupid to get it? ...Kage _yama!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fellas is it gay


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw I wrote a kyouhaba oneshot if anyone's interested in that ship

Hinata slid open the door to the classroom, his English notebook tucked under his arm, and glanced around quickly. He spotted Yachi sitting at a desk on the other side of the room, blinking at him in surprise, and bounded towards her quickly.  
“Yachi-san!” He stopped in front of her desk and clasped his hands together pleadingly. “Can you please, please help me with my English homework? I missed so much I can’t remember anything anymore!” He opened his eyes to see Yachi smiling at him sympathetically, the surprise fading from her face.  
“S-sure,” she agreed. “What are you stuck on?”  
“Thanks!” He pulled up a chair from the desk in front of Yachi’s and sat across from her, setting down his notebook. _Okay, now what was it again? ...Crap. I’m too stuck to know where I’m stuck._ Noticing his helpless expression, she peered at his notes, and her face blanched.  
“Um, did you get these notes from someone else?” she asked delicately. “The handwriting is….”  
“I can’t read it at all!” he wailed. “I knew Yamaguchi said he sucked at English, but I didn’t know it was this bad.” She laughed nervously, scratching at her face with her pointer finger.  
“U-um, I can let you copy my notes if you want.”  
“Really?” He leaned forwards eagerly. _Yachi-san’s notes are the prettiest!_  
“Yeah, s-sure.” She reached down and pulled out her own notebook, flipping through the pages for a while before setting it down on the desk and turning it towards him. He stared at it in awe, admiring each neat, color-coded line. “This is the vocabulary we copied down a couple weeks ago. I think it’s gonna be on the test on Thursday.”  
“Ugh, why do we have to do this stuff a week before nationals?” he whined. She laughed again in response, and he pulled out his pencil pouch, flipped to a blank page, and started copying the definitions down. After a few minutes of silence, he froze, staring at one of the translations in shock - it read, in neatly printed kanji, _Natsu is dead_. His shoulders slumped, and he sighed.  
“H-hey, Yachi? Do you think you could read this definition to me?” He pointed at the words, and she tilted her head in confusion.  
“H-huh? But… why? It’s in Japanese.”  
“...I don’t think I’m seeing what it actually says.” Yachi blinked, her expression dimming.  
“Oh. O-okay.” She leaned forwards and pointed at the word awkwardly. “The definition here is ‘to share’.”  
“Thanks.”  
He scribbled the words down, and glanced back up at his classmate, who was staring at him worriedly. _...Yep. She’s definitely weirded out._  
“...Sorry,” he apologized, eyes downcast. “For, um, everything. I know I keep scaring you by doing weird stuff all the time.” She looked back at him silently for a moment, and then, to his surprise, she smiled.  
“You don’t have to apologize, Hinata.” She scratched the back of her head, brown eyes glinting anxiously. “It’s true that I’ve been worried about you for a while, but….” She straightened in her seat, and now her eyes shimmered with something brighter. “But I know you’re gonna break through this, just like you always do. And you’re gonna do great at nationals!” He blinked at her in surprise. Her cheeks flushed. “U-um, not that I’m saying you should overwork yourself or anything.”  
“No, it’s fine.” He laughed a bit. “Thanks, Yachi-san. You know, you remind me of my little sister sometimes.” She started.  
“A-am I that childish?” she asked worriedly.  
“No! It’s just that you’re both always really supportive, no matter what.” He glanced down at the desk, smiling warmly, and then felt a rush of determination. He looked back up at Yachi, leaning onto the desk and grinning. “And you’re right! I’m gonna play my best at nationals, so you can both watch!”  
“Oh!” She straightened in surprise, eyes shining. “Is your sister coming?”  
“Yeah! She’s getting discharged from the hospital the same day we’re driving to Tokyo, so I’m gonna go with her and my mom and sightsee for a bit before I go to the inn with everyone else.”  
“That’s awesome!” Yachi smiled back, face flustered with excitement. “I can’t wait to meet Natsu! I bet she’s really cute.” Hinata’s face darkened in a pout, and he glanced to the side.  
“Yeah, she is. And she uses it to get Mom on her side whenever we fight.” His classmate laughed.  
“I don’t have any siblings, so I don’t really know what it’s like,” she remarked, and then her eyes clouded with something like wistfulness. “But I think if I had a brother, I’d want him to be like you.” Hinata’s eyes widened and he stared at her for a few seconds before she blushed, waving her arms around frantically.  
“Ah, I-I’m sorry! I said something really weird!” He laughed again.  
“No, that’s okay!” _If Yachi-san was my sister, she could help me with my homework all the time!_ He leaned forwards and grinned conspiratorially. “Maybe once you meet Natsu, you’ll want my mom to adopt you so you can be her sister, too!” She leaned back and scratched at the back of her head, glancing around nervously.  
“I-I don’t know about that,” she said quickly, her voice high-pitched with panic. Suddenly, the tone sounded over the intercom, and they both glanced towards the door to see the other students filtering in for class. “Oh no, I’m sorry! I blabbered for so long that you barely got any studying done!” He looked back at her and winked cheerfully, closing his notebook as he stood.  
“That’s fine with me! Thanks for everything, Yachi-san!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my point is they should be siblings


	32. Chapter 32

Hinata watched along with his mother as the nurses helped Natsu from her bed and into a wheelchair that looked far too big for her. As soon as she was properly settled, one of the nurses approached his mother and began speaking to her in a low voice, and he bounded over to his little sister, poking curiously at the shiny silver rims of the wheels.  
“How fast do you think this can go?” he whispered to her.  
“Shoyo!” She giggled, but nonetheless reached out and tested the wheels, rolling herself backwards and forwards. _I bet if it really got going, it could go faster than Kageyama can run._  
“Okay, Hinata-chan!” The nurse called out to Natsu and bent over a bit with her hands on her knees, smiling sweetly. “You’re free to go! Make sure you come back every two weeks to check in, and listen to your mother!”  
“Okay!” Natsu buzzed with excitement, her good leg swinging from the seat.  
“Thank you so much, for everything,” their mother told the leaving nurse with a quick bow, and then turned to Hinata. “Shoyo, could you get her wheelchair for her?”  
“Sure!” He walked around and grasped the handles of his little sister’s chair; she turned around to look at him with an apprehensive frown.  
“Don’t push me too fast, Shoyo.” He grinned.  
“Push you fast? Okay!”  
“Shoyo….” His mother spoke in a warning tone, but she was smiling.  
“Yes, ma’am,” he relented. As they left the hospital room, Hinata could feel Natsu’s enthusiasm radiating from her, her little orange head bobbing from side to side as she sat.  
“Have you ever been to Tokyo, Mom?” she asked.  
“A few times, several years ago,” their mother responded with a nostalgic smile. “One of my friends used to live in the city.”  
“Woah! Did you see the Skytree?” Hinata leaned over Natsu’s head to peer at her eagerly.  
“Yeah, I did. Only from a distance, though.”  
“What’s the Skytree?” Natsu asked, turning her head rapidly to look between them both.  
They chattered amongst themselves as they made their way out of the hospital, Natsu staring around at the outside world with shining eyes. Their mother helped her into the backseat, and Hinata folded up the wheelchair, storing it firmly in the trunk. He shut it and stepped into the front passenger’s seat.  
“Shoyo?” Natsu asked as their mother began to drive. “What team are you gonna be playing first?”  
“Um, they’re called Tsubakihara,” he replied. “Lots of their guys have really spiky hair. And they have this one spiker who’s really tall, and slams the ball down like _fwoom_ no matter what toss he gets.”  
“Wow! Are all the teams like that?”  
“Yeah!” He felt a surge of excitement, and turned around in his seat to face his sister. “We played some of them a while ago, and they’re all super strong! There’s this one team called Nekoma that we played before. That’s where my friend Kenma plays.” Natsu nodded in recognition, riveted.  
“Oh. Do they have weird hair too?”  
“Super weird. Kenma’s hair looks like pudding.” He flattened his own hair down to demonstrate, and then immediately spiked it up. “And their captain’s spikes up like a rooster head, and he’s super scary-looking. But he’s actually not that bad. Oh, and one of their guys is half-Russian!”  
“Wow! Is he tall?”  
They continued talking for the whole trip to Tokyo, Natsu watching in fascination as he related the stories of the games he’d played against Nekoma, Fukurodani, and the other teams that attended the Tokyo training camp. He found that the players’ names rolled easily off his tongue, images floating through his mind of their faces staring ominously at him from the shadows of a dark alleyway. Eventually, the green countryside outside their windows gave way to a glittering urban sprawl, its lights just beginning to glow against the darkening sky. He broke off, and he and his little sister stared out at Tokyo in quiet awe.  
“We can sightsee someday this week when Shoyo’s done with his games,” their mother told them. “For now, why don’t we stop and get something to eat?” Hinata and Natsu both leaned forwards eagerly. _Oh yeah! I forgot I was hungry!_  
They found a small ramen shop on a street corner that looked respectable, and, more importantly, displayed affordable prices in its windows. It took a few minutes to help Natsu into her wheelchair, and afterwards, they walked inside and were seated at a small table in the back. Hinata helped his sister into her seat and set her wheelchair against the wall, before sitting at his own low stool. As they ordered, she seemed to vibrate with energy, and when the waiter laid their steaming bowls of soup in front of them, she grabbed her chopsticks immediately, eyes sparkling.  
“This is so good!” she said, mouth full, eyes tearing up. “It’s so much better than the terrible food at the hospital!” Hinata nodded in agreement, savoring the flavor of each noodle as it passed through his lips.  
“It’s delicious! I haven’t had ramen in so long.” He reached into the bowl for another bite.  
“Natsu. Shoyo.”  
They both turned, chopsticks frozen in midair, to look at their mother. She hadn’t touched her food, but was instead sitting with her hands folded in her lap, eyes downcast and flooded with emotion. She was smiling.  
“I want you both to know I’m so, so proud of you,” she began, quietly. “I know this past month has been difficult. But you’re both stronger than I could’ve ever imagined.” Her eyes brimmed with tears, and Hinata felt his own eyes doing the same. She looked at Natsu, and then at Hinata, expression overflowing with love. “I couldn’t have asked for more wonderful children.”  
“M-Mom!”  
Natsu flung herself into their mother’s arms, teetering on the edge of her stool. Hinata hesitated, and then did the same, embracing both of them and allowing the tears to flow freely down his cheeks. He buried his head in his mother’s shoulder and squeezed them tighter.  
“Y-you’re the best mom ever, Mom!” Natsu wailed. Their mother chuckled through her sobs.  
“I love you both, so much.”  
“W-we love you too,” Hinata managed, his voice shaking.  
She pulled away from them slowly, keeping a gentle hand on both of their shoulders as she gazed at Hinata.  
“Now eat a good meal, so you can be ready for tomorrow.” She turned to his little sister. “You too, Natsu. So you can get stronger.”  
“Okay!”  
Hinata wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, breathing in deeply as his resolve hardened into diamond. _We’re definitely gonna beat Tsubakihara tomorrow, and then we're gonna beat everyone else. But first, I’ll defeat this ramen._

He stepped out of the car as they parked outside the inn where the team was staying, adjusting the strap of his bag around his shoulder. He gazed at the somewhat underwhelming building for only a moment before turning towards his mother as she walked around the front of the car.  
“We’re gonna win tomorrow, Mom. I promise.”  
She reached out and ran the pad of her thumb across his cheek, her eyes brimming with so much pride and affection that he thought she might cry again.  
“I know you will, Shoyo. And we’ll be cheering you on.”  
He turned as he heard the car’s backseat door open, and walked over to see Natsu leaning towards him. He grinned and ruffled her hair.  
“Are you excited? You’re finally gonna get to see your brother be awesome in person!”  
“Yeah!” She beamed as he pulled back, raising her hands to her head where his palm had just been. He exchanged one final glance with his mother before waving at them both, jogging eagerly into the inn. _I wonder how the team’s doing!_  
When he reached their room on the second floor, he was surprised to see almost everyone bunched up around the window, and even more surprised when Yamaguchi and Yachi greeted him immediately, their eyes streaming with tears.  
“H-Hinata…!” they cried simultaneously. He blinked, bemused.  
“Yachi-san? Yamaguchi? Wh-why are you two-,”  
He jumped as Nishinoya and Tanaka suddenly appeared in front of him, each clapping a hand on one of his shoulders. Shadows framed their solemn expressions dramatically.  
“Shoyo.” Nishinoya’s voice was deeper than normal, and deadly serious. “We’re definitely going to kill the other teams tomorrow.” Tanaka nodded firmly in agreement. _Why are they talking like that?_  
“You’re not killing anyone.”  
Both second-years flinched as a hand came down on each of their heads in a swift karate chop. Ennoshita’s face was beyond exasperated, having reached the point of tired acceptance. Hinata heard a chuckle to his right, and turned to see the third-years all watching with amused expressions. As he looked to them in bafflement, Daichi stepped forwards to speak to him.  
“Hey, Hinata.”  
“Y-yes, Daichi-san?”  
“I’ve talked to everyone, and we’re going to exaggerate our movements tomorrow when we receive, in case you don’t hear us call out.” He demonstrated with his arms, spreading them wide to either side of his torso before bringing them together in a receiving stance. He straightened, smiling. “Just try to keep your eye on the ball. I know you’ll come through.”  
“R-right!” Hinata nodded, committing the captain’s instructions to memory. Now Sugawara stepped up, laughing sheepishly.  
“Hopefully the other teams don’t figure out I can’t really toss to you,” he remarked, “but if they do, I’m counting on you to make it in!” Hinata stared back at him, eyes widening. _So he’ll really still toss to me, even though…?_ He stood at attention.  
“Yeah!”  
“Since you’re so confident, that makes me less nervous, too,” Asahi commented, rubbing the back of his head. “So thanks, Hinata.” _Ah! I don’t know what to do when all my senpais compliment me like this!_  
“You’re welcome!” he shouted, and then bowed deeply. When he straightened, he saw Tsukishima standing by the wall, arms crossed, expression impassive. _At least he’s still moody as always._ He looked back at the second and third-years, their confident smiles sending a rush of determination through him.  
“I’m gonna do my best tomorrow!” he declared. “So let’s win!”  
“Yeah!” Behind them, also leaned against the wall, Ukai chuckled, and Takeda smiled proudly.  
As his upperclassmen broke away to go back to whatever they’d been doing before he entered, Hinata’s eyes rested on Kageyama, who was staring at him with an even expression. He looked back at his partner and grinned, holding his hand up in a fist. The setter’s deep blue eyes glittered coolly for a moment, and then he smiled, raising his hand and fist-bumping him.  
With that, they wordlessly turned and joined the rest of their team.


	33. Chapter 33

Karasuno stepped onto the court of the Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium. Hinata stared around at the room with eyes wide as dinner plates, taking in its blinding lights and the rows and rows of people seated in the audience. Even though he’d seen it at the opening ceremony, his awe still hadn’t quite worn off. _The ceilings are so high…!_  
_He’s going to lose._  
He scowled for only a second before taking a deep breath to calm his nerves. _No point in getting stressed. Everyone’s here with me._ He glanced around at his teammates, smiling, as they stepped forwards and started their warm-ups. When it was his turn to spike, he ran up and threw his arms back, planted both feet on the ground, and flew into the air as high as his legs would allow. Kageyama’s toss appeared in front of him, and he slammed it onto the court without hesitation.  
“ _That was awesome, Shoyo!_ ”  
He landed and turned in surprise to see his mother and sister standing next to Yachi, right above the banner. Natsu leaned forwards in her wheelchair and waved emphatically, grinning. He jumped up and waved back just as energetically, and then ran back to rejoin his team, smiling.  
_He’s going to hurt everyone again._  
He huffed in amusement and wondered how the voice had ever managed to upset him. _Still, it’s annoying. I can’t hear my team while it’s talking._ The referee’s whistle pierced through his thoughts, and he lined up along with the rest of Karasuno on one side of the court. He stared across at the other team’s familiar faces, recognizing their signature hairbands.  
“Let’s play!”  
Both teams bowed, and Hinata eagerly ran forwards along with his teammates to take up his position on the court. As he neared the net, he stopped, staring at one of the opposing players, a tall wing spiker with even taller hair and shifty eyes. _Oh, I recognize him! He’s Teradomari-san, their ace!_  
“Ah!” Teradomari turned to him in surprise as he pointed. “I wouldn’t want to meet you in a dark alley at all!” Tsubakihara’s ace blinked in confusion, looking utterly at a loss for words. On Karasuno’s side, Tsukishima stared at him, eyebrows lowered and mouth agape in scathing disbelief.  
_What an idiot._  
“Stop it, dumbass!” Kageyama appeared beside him and slapped his arm down.  
“Both of you, focus!” Daichi snapped from behind them, and then sighed. “Seriously. We haven’t even started yet.” Hinata grumbled and looked back at the net, spreading his stance in case they returned Kageyama’s serve.  
“Kageyama, killer serve!” he called out, and then watched as the ball promptly sailed past the net and out of bounds. “D-don’t mind!”  
The first set felt like a struggle; Kageyama was clearly having difficulty aiming his tosses in the giant stadium, and despite his attempts to remain calm, the voices in Hinata’s head only grew louder and more frequent. Daichi and the others exaggerated their movements as they’d promised when they received, and by trusting Kageyama, he was mostly able to hit any tosses that came his way, but he still found himself jumping to block spikers that didn’t exist. Though he’d studied their faces, the other team wasn’t as familiar to him as his teammates, and by the time he realized the face of the spiker he was blocking didn’t belong to anyone on Tsubakihara, the ball had already been slammed down somewhere else on the court.  
_What the hell are you even doing?_  
Hinata grit his teeth and planted his feet in a wide stance, glancing briefly over at the scoreboard. 22-22. Kageyama seemed to have regained his rhythm, and from the sidelines, he could still hear his teammates’ shouts of encouragement between the voices. Tsubakihara’s captain and setter, Echigo, drew back his hand and served towards Kageyama, breaking their formation as he moved to allow Daichi to receive it.  
_Get out of here! They’ll kill you!_  
He ran forwards and leapt, watching Teradomari rise in front of him with his arms raised. Eyeing a spot to the blocker’s right, he slammed his hand into thin air. The ball dissipated before his eyes, and he glanced over as he landed to see Asahi spiking the real one from the left side of the court. _Well, at least this kinda makes me a better decoy._ A black-haired player, Maruyama, dove forwards and picked up Asahi’s spike, sending it straight to the setter.  
_He should rest. Just go home and-_  
“Hinata!”  
Hinata hopped in place and jumped backwards as he watched Teradomari leap upwards for a straight, with Tsukishima and Kageyama blocking his cross shot. He watched closely as the ball seemed to split in two, one travelling slightly in front, the other right at his face. As it got closer, he could tell definitively that the one about to hit his face wasn’t spinning at all. Trusting his body, he closed his eyes instinctively and moved forward, feeling the impact of the real spike against his arms.  
_Piece of shit! Just die!_  
“-ce receive, Shoyo!”  
He forced his eyes open and watched in dismay as the other side picked up Asahi’s spike again, running forwards next to Tsukishima in preparation to block. _I’m not gonna let them have this point!_ Suddenly, the blur of a jumping spiker flashed in front of him, and he moved on instinct before his thoughts could catch up. He stared in horror at the unrecognizable face of the other player as he reached the height of his jump, and landed back on the linoleum just in time to watch the real spike fly over his head and slam onto their side of the court. He turned to Tsukishima, clutching at his head in frustration.  
“ _Gah!_ S-sorry!”  
_Run! He’s gonna attack you!_  
The other middle blocker glared at him and sighed, then stepped closer.  
“Look, Hinata,” he began, voice low and intense. “You’re going to have to figure out something on your own eventually, but for now….” His golden eyes glinted, and Hinata shivered. “...I want you to trust me. Keep your eyes on me, and time your blocks with mine.”  
_Why do you even try?_  
Hinata stared back at him, and then nodded, grinning. Tsukishima clicked his tongue and looked away. Asahi’s next serve shot over the net with an audible whistle and slammed down on Tsubakihara’s court, untouched.  
_Just go home!_  
“Service ace!” Hinata shouted in tandem with the voice. _Oh well. I don’t think I can really be too loud in this gymnasium._ He exhaled and planted his feet on the court, arms half-extended in front of him. This time, Tsubakihara picked up Asahi’s serve, but the receive was slightly off as it arced towards their setter. He ran forwards and crouched next to Tsukishima, watching the ball fly towards their ace once again.  
_You have to run away!_  
 _You’re worthless!_  
He watched Tsukishima’s lips move inaudibly, his golden eyes fixed on the ball and the spiker rising in front of them. Hinata had no idea if it was Teradomari, or just another hallucination. Instead, he studied every muscle of Tsukishima’s body as they tensed, watching him reach the lowest point of his crouch. And then, sensing the perfect moment, he jumped along with his teammate, raising his arms as high as they could go. A moment later, the ball slammed against his fingers and shot back down onto the other team’s court. He landed and whirled around to look up at Tsukishima in amazement.  
“ _Uoooh!_ It worked! Tsukishima, it worked!” The blonde’s eye twitched irritably, and his mouth began to move again.  
_Stop it! Why do you do this to yourself?_  
Hinata cocked his head to the side and smiled innocently at his teammate, who was still glaring down at him behind his glasses.  
“Yeah, I couldn’t actually hear that, so I’m gonna assume it was something nice.” Tsukishima clicked his tongue and glanced away, but for a fraction of a second, Hinata swore he could see the ghost of a smile hovering on his lips.  
“Tch. Whatever.”  
“Nice block, Hinata! Set point!” Hinata turned to see Tanaka running up to him, a moment too late to avoid receiving a noogie from his bald upperclassman.  
_You’re all idiots!_  
“-switching in a pinch server, so get ready!” Hinata caught the tail end of Tanaka’s sentence and nodded, and they shot each other confident grins before returning to their positions.  
_Look out! You’re in danger!_  
He turned to look at the other side of the court, recognizing the trembling first-year who stood ready to serve. _Oh, his name’s Himekawa! ...I'd be okay meeting him in a dark alley. He looks way more nervous than me._ Himekawa let go of the ball and drew his arm back in an underhanded serve, hitting it impactfully, right into the back of Teradomari’s head. Hinata stared, dumbfounded, as it fell. _Yeah, turns out he wasn’t so dangerous._  
 _You’ve done enough alre-_  
“Lucky, lucky!” Daichi shouted to them, clapping as they all turned around triumphantly. The referee’s whistle blew once, and then twice. “Let’s do even better with this next set!”  
“Yeah!”  
With Kageyama’s rhythm officially back, and Tsukishima timing their blocks, the second set went more smoothly, though Tsubakihara was still very obviously a powerhouse. The voices in Hinata’s head had quieted somewhat, but the hallucinations persisted, and every now and then, his intense concentration wasn’t enough to keep him from making mistakes. Still, his teammates backed him up at every turn, and he could feel his mind turning to understand every bit of information he perceived on the court, more than ever before. He glanced at the scoreboard. They were winning, 24-22.  
_Why won’t you just give up?_  
Despite the score, he could see the intense glints in the other team’s eyes even from across the net, and he knew that if they gained enough momentum, they would take the set. He hadn’t managed to see through his hallucinations in several plays, and he knew he couldn’t just rely on his team for everything. He exhaled slowly, glancing over at Kageyama. _I want to hit one in. I want to hit one in. I want to hit one in!_ The setter jumped and turned to look back at him, and then nodded firmly.  
“Nice serve!”  
_You can’t do this!_  
Hinata watched Tsukishima’s serve sail over the net, landing neatly on the extended arms of Tsubakihara’s libero. Echigo leapt to toss it towards Maruyama, who flew into the air, body tensed for a powerful spike. Hinata jumped as high as he could to complete the left side of the block, and watched the spiker’s form change at the last millisecond. _A feint!_  
 _You’re worthless! You shouldn’t even be alive!_  
He turned just enough to see Daichi scoop up the ball, and then sprinted back over to the very left side of the court, leaping into the air with all the energy he’d stored up over the course of the game. He watched Kageyama’s toss slow to a halt in front of him, and behind it, a blocker rose, arms extended, eyes glinting dangerously.  
_He’ll kill you!_  
 _So just die!_  
Time ground to a halt. His eyes focused on the blocker’s forehead, and he realized with a jolt of clarity that he wasn’t wearing a headband. Slowly, the world began to move again as Hinata brought his hand forward, aiming straight down on Tsubakihara’s court. He felt the weight of the ball against his palm and watched it shoot right through the blocker’s imaginary face. By the time he landed, the phantom player had disappeared, and the ball was bouncing back up into the air from where it had hit the linoleum.  
He stared, panting, and everything was quiet for a few moments. And then the referee’s whistle sounded.  
“ _Alright!_ ”  
Hinata turned at the sound of his teammates' triumphant screams, still stunned. His upperclassmen ran towards him, arms extended, and he flinched as Nishinoya jumped on his back and Tanaka slapped his shoulder.  
“Nice kill, Shoyo!” the libero shouted, bouncing off his back and hopping around to face him. Behind Nishinoya, he met Daichi’s gaze, and the captain smiled, wide and proud.  
“I knew you’d come through, Hinata. Good job.”  
“Y-yeah.” He nodded, and the second-years bounced around excitedly as they made their way back towards the bench. Tsukishima, Asahi, and Daichi followed them. Kageyama didn’t. Hinata turned to meet his partner’s gaze, and reality slowly sunk in.  
“We won,” the setter told him. “So let’s go.”  
“We won,” he repeated, nodding slowly. “We won. Even though I….” He felt himself tear up. “Kageyama, I can still play…!”  
His partner’s eyes shone with emotion, his closed mouth trembling somewhere between a smile and a painful frown.  
“Yeah.” Kageyama’s voice wavered slightly, and then he finally settled on a smile. “And we’re playing another match tomorrow. So come on, dumbass.” Hinata nodded, more vigorously, and wiped his eyes with his arm.  
“Y-yeah!”  
They walked side-by-side off the court, and met up with the rest of the team at the bench. Ukai regarded each of them proudly, a fire burning faintly in his eyes.  
“Great job, everyone. We’ll go over the game later this afternoon, but for now, you have some time until everyone else’s games wrap up, so feel free to go shopping and cool off.” He grinned suddenly. “And make sure you’re ready for a good meal and a full night’s rest, so we can keep this up tomorrow. Great work!”  
“Thank you, coach!”  
As Hinata followed the rest of his team off the court, for now, he heard the sound of a little girl screaming giddily from somewhere above his head. He looked up to see Natsu peering over the edge of the balcony, cheeks red with excitement.  
“Shoyo!” she shouted. “You did it! You’re so cool!”  
“N-Natsu…!” He felt his eyes brim with tears again, and watched as his mother leaned over the balcony, too, crying along with him.  
“ _Shoyo!_ ” she screamed. _Gah! She’s even louder than Natsu!_ “ _I’m so proud of you!_ ”  
He grinned up at them, raising a triumphant fist.  
“Thanks, Mom! Natsu! Just keep watching!”  
They waved at him, smiling through their tears, as he stepped out of the stadium, victorious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: I would die for himekawa


	34. Chapter 34

The water ran coolly over Hinata’s hair and down his neck. He could feel the grass under his bare feet, and all around him, the birds in the stadium’s outside area chirped in singsong. For once, everything was so blissfully quiet.  
He turned off the tap and stood, raising his towel to dry his hair. When he turned, he was surprised to see Kageyama standing behind him, staring at him evenly. He grinned and walked forwards to stand in front of the setter.  
“Kageyama! We get to stay on the court for a little longer!”  
His partner nodded, and then glanced down at the ground, looking strangely apprehensive. _Huh? ...Is he blushing?_  
“Geh!”  
Hinata stiffened in surprise as Kageyama suddenly stepped forwards and wrapped his arms around him, squeezing tightly. He dropped the towel in his hands, his arms pinned at his sides, unable to breathe.  
“K-Kageyama!” he choked out. “You suck at hugs!”  
His partner immediately let him go and stepped back quickly, avoiding eye contact. _Okay, his face is totally red now._ Hinata laughed at his embarrassed and slightly offended expression, and then backed up in preparation.  
“ _This_ is how you hug!”  
With that, he ran forwards, registering Kageyama’s look of alarm as he barrelled into him and wrapped his arms around him in midair. They both fell to the ground, and he heard the wind rush audibly out from the setter’s chest.  
“...Th-there’s no way that’s how you hug, dumbass!” his partner snapped, regaining his breath. He planted his elbows on the ground and lifted himself up slightly, Hinata’s arms still wrapped around his torso. Hinata just laughed, burying his head affectionately in Kageyama’s shoulder. A moment later, he felt the setter’s chest rumble as he began laughing, too.  
Eventually, he pulled back. Kageyama’s cheeks were dusted with pink, deep blue eyes shining and half-lidded with fondness as he smiled. _Oh._ Hinata felt his own face begin to heat up, his own cheeks split with a joyful smile. _He’s beautiful._  
He removed his arms from around his partner’s torso and put a hand on either side of his face, palms cupping his jawline as his fingers rested against his cheeks. Still smiling, he leaned forwards and pressed his forehead to Kageyama’s, eyes closed in a feeling of pure serenity.  
For a moment, they stayed like that, the world melting away around Hinata as he felt perfectly complete for the first time in a month - or rather, in his whole life. Then, he felt Kageyama’s lips press against his, and somehow, he felt even happier. He was only able to feel his partner’s slightly chapped, but still soft lips for a few seconds before he couldn’t help but start smiling again, and he felt Kageyama doing the same. His mouth opened to grin, and he was forced to pull away.  
“You suck at kissing!” Kageyama teased pettily, face flushed. Hinata laughed.  
“Hey, you were smiling too!”  
With that, he rolled off his partner and lay contentedly on the grass, staring up at the bright blue, cloud-dotted sky. He felt Kageyama reach out and take his hand, their fingers interlacing, and they lay still together, watching the birds as they flew overhead. And once again, everything was silent, and peaceful.  
“...Thank you, Kageyama,” he said finally, softly. “For everything.” Kageyama squeezed his hand.  
“Always, dumbass.”  
Hinata exhaled in affectionate amusement, closing his eyes again. When he opened them, he felt his partner sitting up, still holding his hand, and watched as Kageyama’s peaceful smile widened into a determined grin.  
“Now let’s get back to our team and keep winning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wait this was a shipfic? ew gross

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! I'm currently taking Haikyuu!! oneshot requests - please go to my blog for more info: https://haikyuuanypercent.tumblr.com/post/639130618604699648/haikyuu-blm-charity-oneshot-requests-update.


End file.
